Seokjin met Namjoon when they were forced to sit together in class. Seokjin was only twelve at the time, wide-eyed and innocent. The pair didn't talk often, opting to remain silent as they worked. It wasn't until Namjoon noticed Seokjin reading one of his favourite novels. The two began talking, a spark igniting between the pair.
Seokjin easily became infatuated with the other. He would go to bed dreaming about him, and he had this insatiable need to hold his hand. The two remained close friends all the way into college, their feelings for one another only growing as they grew up. In their last year of school, Namjoon asked Seokjin to be his boyfriend. Life for the pair became better, and the pair was never happier. But where there is sunshine, there's bound to be rain.
The pair faced their toughest battles, often coming out scathed but willing to fight. Over time, the battle for Seokjin however changed, over time he felt himself changing, felt the feelings change. Nothing was wrong but, everything was wrong at the same time. He was confused.
It made no sense to him and he couldn't understand his feelings. The pair barely saw each other after college, busy with university and work. Life as an adult was a lot more difficult than the life of a teenager. Seokjin missed the other, even though they lived thirteen minutes apart. It felt impossible to see the other, he was constantly stressed and overworked and the whole world seemed to be falling apart around him.
They stopped going on dates, didn't celebrate their anniversaries, it became more difficult for Seokjin to picture a future with the other anymore. Hell, Namjoon didn't do anything for his birthday for the last three years. Not even a card. Seokjin began to think, did he really care about Seokjin? What the hell changed? He knew that they both changed, but of course, they did, they weren't kids anymore.
Seokjin sat at his desk, looking at old pictures of the pair. Where was that smile Seokjin had? He hasn't felt that happy in years, he doesn't even recognize himself in that picture. Seokjin sighs, rubbing a hand through his hair. He knew things weren't going well, with everything he'd been going through lately.
Seokjin looks up at the mirror near his desk, he's gone a little bit chubby, probably due to the comfort eating. His eyes are droopy, accessorized with big purple bags underneath. His hair was oily, and his clothes were messy. This wasn't him. He smiles at the mirror, and it's just that—a smile. No warmth, no fondness, just an upward quirk of the lips. He feels the guilt tenfold, how long does he keep doing this? How long can he keep the facade that he's happy when he isn't? How long was it going to take for someone to even notice his pain?
Weeks go by and Seokjin's condition grows worse, he feels himself deteriorating and the people around him begin to notice it too. He didn't see anyone, didn't talk to anybody, and stayed in his room. His parents were worried, their bright happy boy was now essentially a zombie. Anytime. They voiced their concern, Seokjin would roll his eyes and walk away, guilty that he was ruining the image of their child. He can't do this anymore.
Seokjin looks at himself again, this isn't good. He isn't happy. His relationship isn't what he imagined it would be, he feels guilty that he's let himself get to this. How can he keep Namjoon when he isn't happy anymore? How can he be so selfish to not let Namjoon find his own happiness? Seokjin blinked away his tears, eyes back at the picture of the pair at their graduation, smiling at one another, optimistic that they found their significant other. Seokjin began to cry, he just didn't feel like an important person to Namjoon anymore.
He didn't want to do this, but he had to. He couldn't drag this on any longer.
"Isn't that quitting?"
His inner voice asks him. Surely not, is it quitting? Seokjin shakes his head, he doesn't think so. To let go of somebody you love so that they can find happiness? Isn't it easier to let go sometimes instead of holding on?
