With everything in me

The one to blame

NJ POV

It's my first time back at the dorm after mine and Yoongi's fight. He has always protected Sarah to a point I would find very weird, being friends and all. I know I messed up back in the days, choosing not to have the kid with her but here i am, grown and adult, rich and collected. Ready to be a dad. I looked through Sarah's social media, hoping to find a picture of my child, but I saw none. I didn't think further about it since she always would do that. Hide her most precious things from public eyes. My door knocks, and I shout my come in, not ready for Yoongi standing in the door looking serious.

"Namjoon" He said as he entered, placing himself in a chair some space from me. I look at him, trying to work out what he wants as he avoids my eyes. "I have Sarah's number for you" He continued, and my eyes widened, but turned confused. "Why?" I ask, not sure if he is kidding. "Don't flatter yourself. Don't misuse it, or i will know and then we are going to be arguing again" Yoongi said, with a warning finger in the air, looking me into my eyes. "Also i have to tell you something" Yoongi continued as he looked back down. "She lost the child, due to stress" Yoongi said fast, striking out with his arms hopelessly. "And she doesn't want to blame anyone. But I do" He continued, looking into my eyes, fully blaming me. A tear fell from my eye, as I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces, and Yoongi was not the only one blaming me anymore. "The only reason why you are having the number as well, is because she wants the others to have it, and found it weird not to let you also have it." "So it's not because she wants to get back together, or whatever is going on in your twisted mind" He continued, as he stood up and walked out of my room. I laid down, letting my tears fall, thinking about how I possibly could have prevented this from happening, hitting myself in the head for not doing so. Shortly after Yoongi left, another knock came to my door and in came Jungkook. "Are you okay Hyung?" He asked, looking at me with big eyes. I dried my eyes, knowing Jungkook would crumble if he saw me crying, as I sat up. "I know Yoongi is giving you a hard time" He started. "But you know, as well as I know, that he doesn't mean that bad. He has always been protective of Sarah" And i knew that very well. "Yeah, but he is partly right Kooks, I am to blame for this one" I said, feeling defeated as I felt my tears pressing again.

"How many kids do you want, baby?" Sarah said, propping up on one elbow looking at me. "However many you want to give me" I answered, pulling her down on me as we rolled together down the hill in the grass, in hot summer air.

"She is coming tonight. To the club. I know i shouldn't say this right now, but please let her just have fun Joon ""Let her have fun with all of us without dragging her away for a talk, and being jealous. We really want her back into our lives." Jungkook sighted as he continued. "I really want her back in my life" Jungkook looked down,  "I'm staying home tonight. I really don't feel like drinking at all, and I am not going to be selfish, going anyway just to see her ""I hope all of you will have so much fun" I said, placing a hand on Jungkook's shoulder, smiling softly at him as our eyes met.

As Jungkook left my room I looked at the paper from Yoongi, with Sarah's Number on. I put her in my contacts, thinking for a second about texting her to let her know this was my number, but decided not to. She probably didn't wanna know anyways. I opened up the drawer by my nightstand, looking at the picture from her scan that she used as her way of surprising me.

"I have a gift for you Joon '' Sarah said to me as she handed over a gift bag and started to film. I smiled as I dug into the bag, fishing out a white pacifier feeling my stomach curling as I looked at her widening smile. I then pull out scan images. "I'm pregnant baby" She said, jumping a little excitedly. I furrow my brows. "Could you stop filming?" I said placing a hand in front of the camera.

I wish i had done every single thing differently-