on the edge // hyunlix

7 ; relapse

Well, he was right;

There was practically nothing there when he unveiled his sleeve, showing only his arms with the lightest of scars.

Maybe it would help.

Even slightly, making just a few small lines in the place where it was too pale for his liking.

It's hard to resist.

Honestly, the first step would be to probably find where he kept his helpful razor blades.

As unlucky as it is that his apartment is small, It's atleast useful to not lose too many necessary things.

Finally, they were found sooner or later, Felix placed them on the table, sitting before them whilst looking at them.

It does really make your blood rush.

He picked a single blade up, relentlessly carving lines in his skin that tainted red before pouring out small beads of blood that piled up before spilling.

It hurts. It does.

But at the same time, there's no other thing that could make you feel such relief.

It's just the simple way the blade carves light to-be scars in your skin as you plead;

Especially as you can make it feel as harsh or as gentle you want to be with it.

Alright, well, light and soft bloodied lines on Felix's arm don't make him feel that relieved, really;

He just seems it is compulsory to scar himself deeper, with deeper strokes.

So why not do that exactly – watch how the beads are formed and bled even quicker depending on how deep you push the blade.

Maybe he should stop.

Felix already knows how this really isn't a good coping mechanism, but he still can't do anything to stop himself from doing it.

It's strangely pleasuresome.

Then, just only after a few minutes of painting red lines that leak blood, he can put the blade down, staring at the stained creation he's put together on his arm.

He feels ashamed.

He's only just tried promising to stop his actions.

How would both Jeongin and Hyunjin feel after doing this so early on?

It's addictive – it really is.

But maybe he should clean himself up.

Before, the blood actually drips, not knowing where and staining everything.

-

Why does this happen... Why doesn't the blood just disappear with one wipe? Why does it keep forming?

Ok, yeah, he cut himself deep but surely not that deep that it won't stop.

Still with, I don't know, probably over, like, ten or more strokes of trying to wipe it fully, but it just doesn't go away.

Felix's literally standing there with his head against the mirror, wetting the same cloth with water before wiping his arm.

The only thing you see is the red disappearing before coming back.

That still doesn't help.

Maybe he did go a bit too far...

Could he just simply sleep it off? He could try, by all means. And he feels it might help.

He's decided so, he'll just do that.

If anything, red is indeed a nice colour, he doesn't care about it anymore.

-

Certainly, now, it's not even dawn.

But the burning woke him up, sure the bleeding stopped, mostly.

And his skin is lightly irritated – ok, he lied, sleeping through it all wasn't a good idea;

Or maybe just sleeping through it without properly treating himself wasn't a good idea.

Well, Felix can't turn back time, so it'd be best to deal with it without negotiation.

He really can't take care of himself. He'll be truly honest about that.

It annoys him, mentioning once that he still doesn't want anyone to take care of him, isn't enough.

Then still, if he doesn't have anyone taking care of him, he'll break, so ever simply. He's too fragile for all of this.

He doesn't exactly want to be like that. It's not like he can do anything about it either way.

Probably, instead of doing that again, he should contact Hyunjin. Hasn't he said that if he needs anything, he'd be perfectly fine to comply.

But it's just that a simple call wasn't enough, seeing that it went straight to voicemail.

Felix can't bother calling Hyunjin again. It's past midnight. Why would he – in the first place – think he would answer?

If anything, he'd be disturbing his sleep.

Or maybe not, because this time Hyunjin's calling him.

Felix isn't the type to not answer just because Hyunjin didn't answer him the first time;

"What is it? Are you alright?" Hyunjin questioned with a slightly raspy voice, obviously impatient to receive the answer.

He seems like he cares so much already for the blonde that it's impossible to imagine.

"I- don't know. I was going to ask you if now's an appropriate time for you to come over, though?" Felix asked with a hushed tone, making Hyunjin concerned.

"That's fine. Text me the address." Hyunjin simply answered, "You're worrying me. What happened?"

"I don't trust myself, even with my words. Come over." Felix whined silently, hearing how Hyunjin muttered a small 'Alright' before ending.

What if this was infact a bad idea, and Felix just absolutely wasted Hyunjin's time?

Maybe it actually wasn't as important as it seemed.

Especially his tone, Hyunjin could've too, mistook it as for something too serious to leave.

He could be annoyed with him.

Whatever it was, Felix would have to see.