Ghost x Reader x Soap - Stay with me

Part 17- Just you... well maybe him

I swallowed hard as he locked the door. "U-um.." my words came out in a stutter.

"Unless I'm moving too fast." Ghost removed his Tshirt. I stared at his body, remembering how my body fit with his.

"I don't think right now is appropriate." I cursed myself but I still needed time.

Ghost nodded. "Then just let me hold you."

I smiled and curled into his lap as he sat on my bed. I enjoyed his warmth and smell.

"I've missed you.." I felt tears coming once more.

"I've missed you too Love bug." Simon laid down pulling me on top of him. "Rest now okay?"

I nodded and soon drifted of too sleep.

-Next morning-

Ghost and I woke up and entered the common room together. Soap's shook his head.

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

"I can't keep up with you all!" Roach huffed.

"Same." Gav bit into a piece of toast.

"Simon." Lana looked awful. I wanted to rub it in her face but didn't want to hurt Soap even more.

"Well looks like things have fixed itself." Price sat drinking coffee.

Ghost wrapped his arm around my waist holding me close. Soap scoffed.

"I'm out of here." Soap exited the room and I felt my heartache a little.

Was I really torn between these two men? Did I accidentally develop feelings for Soap as well?... Fuck me...

I stared at the door, waiting for Soap to come back.

"Go talk to him. I know you want to." Ghost reluctantly let me go.

"I just want his friendship back." I lied, I didn't know what I wanted anymore.

I loved Simon, but there was also something there for Soap. I was an idiot to fall for both of them, but I never intended to fall for Soap.

Ghost kissed my head. "I know."

With that I ran after Soap.

"Johnny wait up!" I called to him as I spotted him walking down the road.

"Go back to your new Boyfriend L/N!" He yelled over his shoulder, not even bothering to look at me.

It stung hearing him referring to by my last name, part of me wanted to Run back to Ghost and just ignore my feelings for Soap but the other part of me won out, the part of me who wanted him.

"I want to talk." I ran to catch up to him, gently grabbing his arm. He turned to look at me, hurt sitting in his eyes.

"About? You made your decision. Not ready my ass." Soap yanked his arm away from me crossing his arms.

"I'm sorry." Was all I managed to get out.

"You got what you wanted."

Was it what I wanted though?

"But just answer me one thing, honestly."

"Of course." I owed him at least that.

"Did you every have feelings for me?"

Shit, maybe not that question.

"Johnny, we both knew what we were doing." I tried to cover my feelings, shoving them deep down.

"That wasn't an answer." Soap shook his head, irritated.

"No." I lied.

"So you honestly felt nothing the whole time we were together? Nothing?"

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. "I don't know.."

"Of course you don't." Soap turned to walk away.

"Soap!" I grabbed his arm again, he looked at me.

"What?" His eyes were starting to water.

"I-" my words began to fail.

"I need you to tell me. I need you to say you felt nothing. Then maybe I can move on. Tell me you just used me so I don't sit here hoping that motherfucker breaks your heart so you come back to me." His voice shook.

I knew the right thing was to let him go but I couldn't. I know I'm a selfish bitch.

I looked down. "I'm sorry." I mumbled.

"Just say it L/N. I know you want to." Soap lifted my chin to look at him.

"I can't, Johnny." His name fell off my lips in a whisper.

Soap gently cupped my face. "I think I fell too hard for you. Even if it was just so you could get him back, I guess I was hoping he had hurt you enough you'd stay with me."

"Johnny..." My voice caught in my throat.

Don't do did! You told Simon it was him and only him!

"Silly me." Soap brought his face close to mine. "I care about you L/N, but you make your own choices and if you want to keep getting your heartbroken that's on you. Just don't expect me to be around to pick up the pieces." He pulled away and kissed my forehead. "See ya around."

He walked away as tears blurred my vision. Damn it, damn it all.