Escape From Reality || Ranboo ✔️

twenty-seven :)

Last Kiss (Taylor's Version) - Taylor Swift

It's been almost a month since I met Ranboo's family. I have seen them one time since, when he graduated. Later that night he explained to me how his mother passed away a year ago and he had to move in with his dad. How his step brother never took kindly to his moving into the home and new living situation, but also that he's never been fond of him. He explained how his father remarried when he was seven which is why he calls his step mom "mom". He explained that his older sister, Andrea, is still away at college despite things still being mainly virtual. He just talked to me and I loved how open he was being. There was no space, no distance.

Now there is. He's pulling away from me. We don't hang out as often and when we do we just lay around the house. As I said prior, I don't need to be doing anything specific, but it feels like he's just refusing to do anything with me. I ask to just drive around, he declines. I ask to do something and he declines.

I feel like I'm losing him, and I've never really had him to begin with, not truly.

Incoming Call from My Moon Boy <3...

"Hello tall boy!" I said with a smile.

"Hey, I'm outside." He said. I immediately went to my window and looked outside, seeing his car and smiling.

"What's the occasion, lover?"

"Just gonna drive around." He said. I smiled wider, maybe he wasn't pulling away.

"Be down in a second." I said. He hummed and hung up. I didn't think much of it, but I slipped on my shoes and walked outside. I was sporting his t-shirt and his basketball shorts. Truly am his biggest fan, mhm. I sat down in the passenger and smiled at him.

"Long drive, put on some nice tunes."

"You fuckin' loser, tunes?" I asked, smiling at him like an idiot. He laughed with me, but it was short lived.

My stomach clenched with anxiety as my smile faded. I looked down at my phone to pick music so he wouldn't see.

Bad feeling. I'll bet twenty fucking bucks something bad is gonna happen.

We pulled into the park after a long hour and a half drive. Traffic was bad today, I guess. We both unbuckled, but he kept the car running.

"You know I love you, right?" He asked, as if we said I love you on a fucking daily.

"I mean, I had the feeling but-"

"Asterin do you love me back?"

"What?"

"Do you love me back?" He asked, almost as if he needed to hear me say it.

"Of course I do, I've loved you for months now."

If this is how he asks me out, I'm gonna hate doubting him because that gut feeling just got so much fucking worse.

"If you love me, you'll stop." He said, the words barely coming out.

"Stop what?" I asked hesitantly.

no no no no no-

"Stop living on the edge. Stop risking your life for everything we do. Stop living as if you're gonna die tomorrow. I can't handle it anymore." He said, almost wincing. That didn't matter though, the words were out there and said and he can't take them back.

"What? Xavier, I explained to you-"

"I know, but that doesn't excuse living like you don't give a damn for your own life or anyone else's."

say bullshit, Carter, because I swear to god

I sat and stared at him, waiting for him to call bullshit, say it was a joke. I've been waiting for him to just say anything to take back the words he just said. Only silence followed.

"Are you serious right now?" I asked, a nervous laugh escaping as tears swallowed my vision and a knot solidified in my throat.

"Every last word. You can't always just be reckless, Asterin. You can't just live on the edge all the time because one time you'll fall off and not one person will be fast enough to catch you."

"Why are you being like this?" I asked, pushing myself back into the door. I could see the pain in his eyes, but he shouldn't be the one in pain. He's the one hurting me. "Why are you being like everyone else in my life right now. Expecting me to be someone I'm not or do something that is't me. Why are you gonna stay if I'm pretending to be me but say you can't do this anymore if I'm being as real as anyone has ever seen me?"

my voice came out as a pained whisper and I hated how small I felt, how weak.

"Because I'm tired of holding onto someone who's clearly slipping."

"Oh." I said, completely taken aback. That felt like a whole body blow. I thought I was doing better, thought I was being good enough, thought I was okay. "Take me to my uncle's, Xavier."

I buckled the seatbelt and unplugging my phone from his car. I looked out the window as we drove. No words were exchanged, not a goodbye, not an apology. Just a silent drive, a silent drop off, and a silent exit.

I walked inside the home and as soon as I saw my uncle with a bag and his military attire on, I broke.

Where's my twenty fucking bucks?