Ride Or Die

truth

One day.

One day until my life either falls apart or becomes whole again.

I've been at Matteo's house for almost 2 days. I didn't have any energy to do anything. I did took a shower. I actually took 4 in one day. I wanted, needed to get his DNA off of me. I scrubbed my whole body until it was bleeding, even after that I continued with scrubbing. I used a ton of soap, the soap from Matteo's bathroom, and scrubbed until I felt myself again. It never worked. It's not like I haven't experienced it before. The first time was the worst. I didn't know what to do, who to tell or how. I told no one. I just kept quiet, hoping no one would find out about my weakness. It felt like I got taken from my innocence. I don't know what I did to deserve this, twice.

Matteo doesn't talk to me. He just keeps quiet and stares at me. When he sees 
I notice him staring at me, he looks away. He's probably disgusted by me and I can't blame him. I'm dirty, my whole body Is marked and there's no way in removing those marks. It doesn't matter how hard I scrub or how much soap I use, their marks will forever stay on my body, like a tattoo.

I do understand now why Matteo killed him. He explained to me that he's in the mafia and his family knows he isn't innocent. Obviously I knew that because I'm in the mafia myself but it just didn't realize it. Now I do. I realize his family knew there was a chance their father, husband,uncle,grandpa,or brother wouldn't come home one day. I don't know what Matteo did with his body but I don't care anymore. He can burn it for all I care. I doesn't matter anymore. I feel numb. I can't feel anything anymore except loneliness.

Tomorrow is my wedding. I have to marry Matteo, the man I hated the most once  but now I'm okay with it. I don't know what I feel for him. It isn't hatred and I don't think it is love, but he isn't just a friend either. He is going to be my
Husband. I'm going to be his wife. I think the marriage happened so fast and it doesn't get through to me. It all sounds so absurd that I don't realize this is actually my life.

I already have ordered my wedding dress. It's red with glitter on it. I know wedding dresses normally are white, but it isn't a real wedding after all and I think I get to atleast pick my own wedding dress. I don't know if it's arrived already. Maybe I should ask Matteo. But where is he? I get up from my bed and go down the stairs. I look around in the living room and don't see him anywhere. Maybe he's outside? I open the door to the garden and immediately smell fresh roses. I look around and see Matteo sitting on a bench, reading. After our kiss we didn't talk about It anymore. I know for a fact we both feel the same way for eachother, but I'm to scared to just ask him.

I come closer to him and stop before him opening my mouth to speak.

"Do you know if my wedding dress arrived?"

"Yes, I'll let my man bring it to my house tonight."

So I'll stay here another night? Okay fine by me I guess.

I turn around to go back inside when he says something making me turn around again.

"Bella, I just had a question, but it's rather.. personal."

"Shoot"

"Okay.. first of all I'm really sorry about what happened to you you didn't deserve that."

"Go on."

"And I just wanted to ask.. has that ever happened before to you? It's just that.."

"What Matteo" I ask impatient. I don't want to talk about this right now.

"I heard you say something in you sleep the other night."

"What did I say?" Shit I knew I was having a lot of nightmares but I didn't think I accidentally told him something he wasn't supposed to know.

"You were saying things like 'not again' and things like that. It didn't happen to you before right?"

I hesitate before saying; "It did Matteo." I don't know if he even heard me because it talked so quiet, but by the look on his face I can tell he did.

He stays quiet for a moment.

He probably thinks I am disgusting, and I get why. Ofcourse he doesn't want to marry a woman who has been touched before, twice. He probably wants a pure woman who hasn't been touched or did anything like that in her life. And I can't blame him.

After a while he speaks up and says trough clenched teeth, with a expression full of rage on his face;

"Who?"

I didn't except him to say that.

"W-what?"

"Mierda Isabella, who the fuck touched you before?!"

"M-my dad's b-best friend" I whisper, lookin down to the ground,tears flowing down my cheeks, avoiding his gaze.

"Is he still alive?"

"I-I think so" I don't even know I never saw him after that and I never told anyone.

Matteo comes to me, gives me a kiss on my forehead and tells me: "I'm sorry mi amor, you really didn't deserve that. I will take care of him, wait on me 'till I come back."

And with that he left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another chapter done!

Don't forget to vote, comment and check my other story out!

I think everyone already noticed that all my chapters are not edited so yeah.