Ride Or Die

pre-marriage

Today was the day. The day I would promise to love someone 'till the day that I die. But not just anyone, no, I would marry Matteo. The man I recently despised the most I've ever despised someone. The man I promised myself not to love. But some promises are meant to break. And this was one of them.

He came home late yesterday. After I've watched my favorite soap series and cleaned the dishes he still wasn't home. He told me to wait on him, so I assumed
He would be home soon, but he wasn't. Around midnight, I finally heard the door slam closed, signaling he had finally come home. I had wanted to make him food, but I didn't know if he'd like it if I interfered in his life, so I just waited for him to come home.

I had thought about the marriage plenty of times, but It had never felt so real as right now, near the wedding date. I didn't organize the wedding, since it would be a mafia wedding and there would be certain rules to follow. The only thing I had a say in was what wedding dress I would wear. There weren't rules about the color of the dress so technically I could choose whatever color I wanted. I only hoped nobody would get mad at me especially not the leader of the Santiago mafioso. If they would dislike one single thing, there would be a high chance of a war breaking out and I wouldn't want that to be all my fault.

When Matteo slammed the door shut, I flinched before I turned around to see him already pacing towards me. He had a needy expression on his face and focused on only me when he came closer.

"Isabella." He demanded.

"Yeah?"I asked not knowing what to expect.

"Can I kiss you?" He puts a pluck of my loose hair behind my ear.

"Yes."

The next thing I know is him, crashing his lips down on mine, sucking on my bottom lip and pulling my tongue against his. I lock my arms around his neck and he places his arms around my waist pulling me closer than I thought possible. My core throbs and my heartbeat speeds up, thinking about all the possible things he could do to me in this vulnerable position. I know him enough to know he won't do a thing to hurt me, but I still feel sad thinking about how he will never be my first. First kiss, first bed partner, first everything. All I know is that he's the first who can do all those things with my consent. He's the first one I've ever loved.

When he finally releases himself from me and puts his head against mine, I can't think about anything else than my love for him. I've never loved someone, so I have no idea what it feels like, but I  never felt this way. This warmth inside off me everytime I see him, the way my heart starts beating faster when I look at him, and the way there appears a smile on my face everytime he talks to me. I think I, for the first time in my life, really love someone.
                            _______

I want to ask him why he suddenly decided to kiss me, not that I complain like at all, but he never did this before. He never 'just' kissed me. There was always a reason behind it. But now there wasn't. Or was there? I wanted to know If he kissed me out of love or based on something that'd happened.

"What did you do tonight?"

"I burned someone's house to the ground."

I roll my eyes at him thinking he's joking, but when I see the serious expression on his face I know he isn't.

"Who's house?"

"You know who."

"Raimon" I mutter to myself. "Is he dead?"

"Yes, I made him burn in hell. Literally"

"Good." I don't know what to say. The weird thing is; I don't feel any pity towards him, like I did with the other man. Maybe it's because I know he didn't have a family or anyone who loved him left. Or maybe it's because I feel like he deserved it. To burn in hell.
I know I wasn't the only one he assaulted; I read the articles about other girls accusing him of assault but he'd always win the court case. He isn't a good man and deserved to die. As cruel as it sounds.

He examined my face looking for any sign of regret. When he doesn't he asked; "Are you okay?"

I answer: "Yes I am fine." Event tho I don't know if I'm okay right now.

Raimon died because of me. I know he deserved to die but I have a weird feeling about this all. Maybe it's because 
Matteo just confessed a crime like this with a face void of emotion. Or maybe it's because I know what he's capable of. He just burned a man to the ground and he looks like it doesn't bother him.

Am I scared of him? No I know he won't do such thing to me. Such thing as hurt me. He cares for me, maybe even loves me. He won't do anything purposely to hurt me. He isn't like that.

But what if he is? What if he's really mad at me one time and let's the anger control him? What if he's so blinded by anger, he accidentally hurts me? He has a good heart, I know it but if he can kill a man without a care in the world, he maybe isn't the man who I thought he was..

I snap back to reality when i feel a hand caressing my back.

"What's going on in that bonita cabeza off yours querida?"
(pretty head/darling)

"Nothing I was just.. thinking."

"Well I'm thinking I should order some dinner for us and then go to sleep, ¿bien?"

"I like the way your thinking." I say with a smile on my face, happy he doesn't question my absence.
      
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I'm sorry for uploading so late I just wanted to enjoy my last vacation days. My school starts in 2 days :(.
Next chapter is the wedding!!

Thank you so so much for the 300 reads! I'm so so so grateful!

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Love, Stella xx