Dylan struggled with her way of life, having to hide who she was throughout her childhood. Her parents hid the fact she was intersex and told her not say a word. She grew up as a boy and when going through middle school she change her identity and s...
(A/N: This chapter includes talk of abuse and child sexual assault. There will be a warning before it starts and a place to skip if you don't want to read)
[Dylans POV] Dr. Reign is alright, she had good advice for my panic attacks. They don't happen often but when they do they can get intense. She also recently suggested a pet, something to take my mind off of things. Being someone with dreams of becoming a doctor, pets aren't the right choice maybe somewhere down the line. I'm thinking about a bunny. But at the same time, it's hard to tell if they could help.
"Hey! I'll be gone this morning and back later today for studying," I inform my roommates they nod not taking their eyes away from what they are doing. Finals are just around the corner and I can't waste any time.
I hop in my car and drive off to therapy. There are a few things I want to talk about that I have written down. My past therapist told me to write things down we could talk about next time that happened during the week. I wrote down what happened with Astrid and my birth dad's death. The things with Astrid were all good things I just needed advice on how to move forward. My birth dad's death didn't affect me much due to my not knowing him. He left when I was four and died a year later. But for some weird reason every year today, his death haunts me and I have no idea why.
When I finally get there I head inside and wait for her to finish with a patient so I text Astrid.
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I got called and entered the office. I sat down on the chair and my doctor greeted me.
We talk about Astrid and she's told me I should take it slow and go with the flow. These things take time and it's hard for someone to bring another person around their kids. Astrid has to open up to me more let me in and I have to be there and listen. We also talked about my commitment issues and how I should talk to her about them. I should tell her about what I want in this relationship and for her to do the same.
After my last relationship, I was afraid of new ones. So I never had any, until now. Astrid showed up, now I really like her and really afraid. Questions keep coming and wondering if it will end and if she's right for me. Dr. Reign says to know I have to give it try. After I told her about the date I set she said that was a wonderful step and I was doing the right thing.
"My mom umm... had many boyfriends before finding my stepdad. She uhh would date awful guys and get pregnant. One of them was my abuser, nice to my mom and hurt me. But... you know he did more than touch me, he would hit us too." I stop talking. Memories of him and how he would hit my siblings and me flushed through my head.
My breathing gets heavier and my hands start to shake. "Remember what I taught you, Dylan," I hear Dr. Reign say. I look around the room and start to examine things I name five things I can see.
"A clock, a candle umm... a couch, a notebook, a computer." Four things I can touch. "This seat, the floor. Umm... the uhh stress ball, and ummm fuck the couch shit!" It's not working my breathing gets heavier and my throat feels like it's closing. I pull on my shirt attempting to help me breathe. My therapist gets closer and attempts a different approach.
