Surrender To Love

16. And That's Me

[TW: Depressive Episode/Stressful Environment/Self Harm skip to "---" if you're uncomfortable reading]

Last night when I got home after spending time with Astrid reality hit me. I was alone and tired but needed to study for my upcoming finals. So I got to work, writing and repeating definitions.

I stayed up till 3 in the morning, I'm so fucking stupid. I got 3 hours of fucking sleep. I have finals today! Ugh!

I wake up to my head pounding and a loud ass alarm. I turn it off and head to the bathroom. I take a shower, brush my teeth, take care of my skin, then my hair. Wearing baggy jeans and a white shirt I leave the apartment. I make my way to my car and drive to the university.

I've never been more stressed before. I'm not sure why because I know for a fact I'm passing all of the tests. I guess well I don't know. I head inside my class and sit in my seat. I sigh into it, I'm so tired. I should've slept more.

I open my laptop and check emails before my professor walks in. The dean has sent me an email stating I come in a meet her this week. What does she want? I shake my head thinking it couldn't be bad. I take a sip of my water before I begin then after the test, I get up and leave. I can't help but feel I fucked it all up.

I head to my next class after studying in the library. This class is one of the hardest ones for me. I pass but it's still hard compared to the others. My leg bounces and I chew my pencil as I answer the questions. I struggle a little which makes me nervous about the results. I take all classes to finish and I leave not feeling satisfied at all. My phone rings and it's Astrid but for some weird reason, I can't answer.

I place it back in my pocket and it buzzes in my pocket. I get in my car and head home. I collapse onto my bed and stare at the ceiling. I need to call Astri back and I need to talk to the dean. I hate when this happens, I get so stressed that I just stay in bed. I shouldn't have laid down.

I ended up going to sleep with another nightmare of my abuser. When I wake, I lay in bed despite the eight missed calls from my girlfriend. "Hey, Dylan! I'm going out!"

I guess Max thinks I'm sleeping because when she doesn't hear a response, I hear her walk away. My body is sticky from the sweat and my mouth tastes disgusting but neither of those things makes me get out of bed. I lay in bed while I think about myself. I look over at my phone which dings with another notification. The time reads 9 pm and the date is-

Shit! Shit! Shit!

He gets out tomorrow. The fucking bastard! I can't believe they didn't give him life for the shit he did. "Fuck!"

I dig my nails into the scars on my inner thighs, the last time I ever cut was around a year ago. I pinch and scratch at the scars. I crawl into a fetal position and sob.

What if he tries to see me? Or kill me?

Fuck, I need her.

I pick up my phone and find her contact. I text her.
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[Astrid's POV]
When I got the text from Dylan, I gathered the girls and got in the car. Something was different, there was a sense of urgency in the text. It was late and the girls were tired but there was something wrong with Dylan. When I get there I ring the doorbell and her roommate opens the door.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Dylan's girlfriend?" she nods her head in recognition and lets me in. "Girls stay here and together,"

They sit on the couch and I make my way to Dylan's room. When I open the door, I find her lying on the bed in a fetal position. My heart shatters looking at her. I make my way to her bed and lay beside her, making her little spoon. I grab her hand and see small bruises across her arms. "Dylan?"