Actor, 𝕭𝖆𝖓𝖌 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖓 [UNDEREDITING]

1 ; Korain

Korain. My name means "one who is luminous and glorious."

Luminous, perhaps that is right. I became an actor at 18, and debuted in a small drama which didn't do so well for critics, yet I scored my first Lead Role a year later, when I turned 19. It was in a large Netflix Production, and I really enjoyed being the lead role for the first time. It was my first taste of international and national fame, and my life suddenly took a 180 turn. 

I was busy, under pressure every single day, and I had money which I didn't know how to spend. It was my first true taste of glory, and it felt exhilarating. After countless days of relentless hard work and dedication, I was finally basking in the light of success. I found myself attending lavish events filled with elegance, where I had the opportunity to promote my show in front of eager audiences. Each day was a whirlwind of interviews, where I passionately discussed my role, sharing the nuances of my character and the journey that led me to this moment.

As the recognition grew, I began to connect with fans from around the globe. Their enthusiasm was infectious, filling me with a profound sense of joy and purpose. I cherished these interactions, as I forged meaningful relationships with people who shared my love for the craft. This newfound fame not only allowed me to pursue my passion but also opened doors to a vibrant community of fellow artists and admirers, all celebrating the magic of storytelling together.

There was always words being spoken about me, and I enjoyed it for the most part. I was recognised for my talent, and for my compassion, and for my appearance. The attention was really nice, until it wasn't.

I expected it to be difficult, but when I got 'injured' and had to end my time as an actor for a few months, I felt like it was almost the end of the world. Talking about the time of hiatus was always difficult, and I never want to do something like that again. I felt utterly hopeless, and like all the glory of acting was fading away. My luminous shine was no longer present.

I felt like an actor who had been forgotten.

The hiatus I experienced was anything but beneficial; in fact, it felt more like a setback than a break. I found myself grappling with the aftermath of everything that had transpired, and my mental health became an increasing concern. It mimicked the weight of another lockdown; I felt trapped in my own apartment, cut off from the vibrancy of life outside. Each day blended into the next as I scoured websites for acting roles and audition opportunities, desperately hoping for a breakthrough. I filled my time by reaching out to my manager, only to face the crushing disappointment of being turned down again and again.

'You need to rest, and recover from what happened.'

Those words were always so boring. Rest and recover, yet the more I sat at home, the more depressed I got. Don't get me wrong, I love being at home. All the time to myself, privacy, and I can watch movies to my heart's content, but being forcefully shut away felt suffocating. I just wanted to be out despite what happened.

Hiatus had took it's toll on me, and I was obsessed with what people might be saying about me. Were they wondering how I was? Were they wondering when I would come back? Were they asking if I was okay? 

I could only hope that they were.

After 6 months of missing my lime light, I had turned 20. I posted for the first time on my socials, and I felt that sprinkle of glory on the tip of my tongue. People, fans, friends and other actors commented on that one post and congratulated me. I had a momentary feeling of enlightenment, realising that I hadn't been forgotten at all. 

With the glory, came desperation. I wanted to act, I wanted to be apart of something great. I had one major success, and I desperately didnt want to be a one hit wonder. I wanted a consistent career of successful movies and shows up my sleeve. I wanted that so badly.

I didn't want a plan 2. I didn't want to consider going into another arts career. There would be no K-pop idol life for me, I knew that acting was the thing for me. I wanted to portray stories with my body and my voice, and I wanted to play characters with all different traits. My life was mine, and acting is where I belonged.

After my 20th birthday, I was finally released from my lonely apartment hell. I was able to go outside, see the world, and breathe in fresh air. The first thing I did was meet up with my manager, go to my company, and speak about roles. It seemed new again, and this time would be better.

"So, we have auditions for a new drama. I think it would be better for you, Korain-ssi, to perhaps look at the second-"

"Manager-Nim, what's the Male Lead like?" I asked suddenly. I watched him sigh.

"The drama is a romance. With you being so young, I'm not sure it's the best idea for you yet." My manager replied as he looked over all the files.

"What's he like?" I asked again, ignoring his last statement.

"He's a high school student, and he's about to turn 18. Smart, confident and extremely fast-paced. The character falls for an older women, but it's about pacing and a sweet romance. Age-gap for the first half of the show and then the second half is when the character is slightly older," My manager explained, and I nodded. 

My previous success came from a heartfelt family drama that resonated with many, but diving into the world of love stories felt entirely new and exhilarating. As I thought about it, a smile crept across my face at the idea of portraying a romantic relationship on screen.

This would involve not only deep emotional connections but also physical intimacy, like touching an older actress and possibly sharing a kiss. The thought was both thrilling and nerve-wracking. Stepping back into the acting world after my hiatus felt monumental, and taking on a romance would be a bold move. Yet, I knew that this was precisely what I needed—to shake off the rust and reconnect with my passion for performance. Embracing the challenge of romance would mark a significant comeback for me, and I was ready to take that leap.

"Ok. When and where do I audition hyung?" I asked my manager, excited for it already.

"Are you sure about this?" My manager asked, "K-Netizens might have mixed opinions on this because your still quite young, also, with what happened a few months ago..."

"It's okay. I want to be apart of this. It'll be good experience." I said, hoping to convince him.

"Okay. The auditions are in a few days near Seoul." My manager announced, "I'll be the one to drive you there."

I stood up from our meeting table, and bowed to him. Although he was my manager, he had become one of my only friends too. During Hiatus, as much as I hated it, he had took good care of me.

"Korain-ah..." He said sternly, "If you don't get this role, you should audition for the second male lead. Or, we have other options too."

"I know. Thank you Hyung." 

I would get this main male lead. I know I will.