Actor, 𝕭𝖆𝖓𝖌 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖓 [UNDEREDITING]

7 ; Actor

It was currently just past 6pm, and I had arrived to the same studio room in the JYPE building as the first time. I quietly knocked on the door, and Chan opened it with a welcoming smile. I stared a little as he was wearing a black shirt, and his arms were out. Last time he was wearing a jumper, and I think he should've continued to wear one. I was nearly drooling over his arms. 

He was definitely more muscular than I was, with a physique that suggested a dedicated routine at the gym. His shirt sleeves clung to his biceps in a way that showcased his strength without appearing overly tight. As he shifted to sit down in his chair, the fabric of his shirt stretched just enough to give me a glimpse of his impressive chest—broad and defined, a testament to countless hours spent lifting weights.

Watching him, I couldn't help but feel a pang of insecurity wash over me. It was as if I suddenly became acutely aware of my own smaller stature and less-defined frame. Questions began swirling in my mind: Should I start hitting the gym more often? Was it necessary for me to build muscle and attain a body like his in order to feel attractive? Or was this feeling merely a part of the human experience, an emotional response I hadn't encountered before? Perhaps it was jealousy, fuelled by the undeniable allure of his well-toned physique, or maybe it was simply a reflection of my own insecurities coming to the surface.

"Do you work out hyung?" I asked as I quietly shuffled my way into a chair beside him, knees to my chest.

"Yeah. Nearly everyday if I can." Chan explained as he opened up the music software, "Usually it's me, Changbin, Han and sometimes Hyunjin and I.N." 

"Ah, that's nearly all of you." I chuckled, so the whole group is probably bigger than me, muscle wise, "How tall are you?"

"Everyone says 5'7, but I actually think I'm 5'8." Chan said, and he looked back at me with my cheeky smile.

"I'm 5'9 hyung." I said and shimmied my shoulders to tease him, and he rolled his eyes with a smile.

"So, regarding your lyrics, or ideas, I managed to write bit of a chorus." Chan announced and I cheered for him quietly.

"Can I hear it?" I ask and he nodded and pulled out his phone.

좋아해서 미안 미안
좋아해서 미안해
맘에 들어 미안 미안
좋아한 게 죄가 된다면

Sorry that I like you, I'm sorry
I'm sorry for liking you
Sorry that I like you, I'm sorry
If liking you is wrong

He read the lines aloud in a flat, monotonal voice that lacked the usual warmth and vigor I associated with his creativity. I clapped softly, trying to convey my appreciation without overwhelming him in his current state of frustration. It wasn't much, perhaps just a flicker of encouragement, but it felt significant considering he was grappling with a substantial creative mental block that left him unable to generate fresh ideas. The words still needed a melody to give them life, but deep down, I had faith that Chan would find a way to craft something beautiful once he worked through the fog clouding his mind. I wondered if perhaps he needed a spark of inspiration—something to ignite his imagination and help him break free from this temporary stasis.

"So far so good hyung, I like those lyrics." I said and nodded to him, "It's catchy!"

"I worried it might be too repetitive." Chan said, "So to get around that, I think I might make it the chorus." 

"Yeah, no melody yet?" I asked him and he sighed before turning back to his computer. He shook his head and we sat in a little silence before he turned back to me with a small smile.

"Sorry Rain-ah, seems nothing about love is flowing through me." He smiled, clearly disappointed in himself and I hated to see it. 

Making songs constantly, and making new instrumentals with lyrics that match, and songs that have to keep with a theme must be hard. It's only normal that an artist like Chan would get mental blocks sometimes. I patted his shoulder and smiled at him.

"Perhaps you just need some inspiration hyungie." I said, "How about next week we figure out our schedules and we go out somewhere?"

"Go somewhere?" Chan questioned and I nodded and sat forward.

"Hyung, let me take you to my place! I'll cook, I know how to cook!" I said excitedly but he hesitated, "Or we could just go out somewhere..."

"How about a nice café or restaurant?" Chan suggested, and I nodded even though I was sad he hadn't wanted to come to my apartment. I quite like cooking for people. Though I understood his hesitation, after all, he doesnt know me that well.

"Okay. Which one?" I asked, hoping if I sounded a little sad he might change his mind.

"Don't get it wrong Rain-ah, I just feel a little weird going to your apartment because your way younger than me." Chan said with a smile, and he patted my head.

"There's only 5 years between us..." I muttered, not understanding his hesitation because of our age. It was just a friendly hang out, why did he hesitate?

"I still consider I.N a baby and he's older than you." Chan chuckled, and I pretended to chuckle to and nodded along, "Anyway, there's this quiet place I know about."

I listened as he talked about this small family run restaurant and I nodded along with him. His statement about feeling weird about going to my apartment and our ages made me feel quite weird. I was suggesting it simply because he's my hyung, and I like cooking for people. I didn't understand where his hesitance was coming from. Our ages? He was older, but I don't mind if my friends were older... 

Had he never been to a friend's apartment before?

I was kicked out of my thoughts when his hand landed on my thigh, and he was looking into my eyes wondering if I was listening. I nodded and smiled. His brown eyes were shining under the studio's lights and I looked into them, feeling something deep in my stomach. Was I going to be sick, or was this just embarrassment from getting caught not listening?

"Sorry, what is it?" I asked, my voice nearly a whisper as I felt my ear go red.

"Cute!" Chan said with a cheesy smile, his eyes getting smaller as his cheeks lifted.

My eyes widened in surprise at his reaction to my apparent embarrassment. A broad grin spread across his face, and he couldn't help but chuckle at how flushed my cheeks had become; I could feel the heat radiating from my skin. He called me 'cute,' and I felt an involuntary wave of warmth wash over me. In a flurry of shyness, I instinctively covered my ears as if that would shield me from his playful teasing. It was a strange sensation, this urge to distance myself from someone; I was used to being confident and engaging in conversation with ease. Yet, in this moment, an unfamiliar vulnerability crept in, and I found myself wanting to retreat into my own world, feeling oddly self-conscious about being so close to him.

"I was asking if Changbin could help us a little bit?" Chan asked as he kept smiling at my misfortune.

"Sure hyung." I nodded and covered my ears with my jacket hood. 

At least I could meet another member of the group. It was a start to get to know them all.