Redamancy | Jasper Hale x Reader

Chapter Seventeen

Reader

They say grief is just left over love.

Well I have plenty of grief then, because I never got to pour it into the person it was meant for. It's rotting away inside my chest and leaking from the cracks. It spills from my eyes and scratches my throat, flooding everything and it doesn't seem to end.

Is there an end?

I don't think there is, because I don't just miss him - I miss something that'll never happen. A life I'll never live, one where it's just me and him and eternity stretches out before us endlessly.

•••

• January 16th, 2006 • Home •

Reader

My phone buzzes in my pocket letting me know I'm getting an incoming call. Fishing it out, Bella Swan flashes across the screen and I'm stunned.

"Hello?" I answer hesitantly.

"Hey Y/n, I um - well I was wondering if you wanted to catch a movie? With Jessica and I, tonight?"

"Oh uh-"

"You don't have to-" She interrupts me, clearly sensing my hesitation, but I stop her before she could back out.

"No! I'd love to, let me call my mom and tell her I'll be gone when she gets home from work."

"Okay, cool. I'll be there in like, twenty minutes." Ending the call, I stare at my phone in wonder.

Bella has been catatonic the last 3 months and now she's down for movies like nothing has happened? Shaking my head, I call my mom while slipping my shoes on in the hallway, she picks up on the second ring.

"Hey sweetie, I was just about to call you and see what you wanted for dinner!" Her cheerie voice tugs on my heart strings, I think she's trying to over-compensate in the hopes that'll it'll bring my own mood up.

"About that, Bella Swan just called and asked if I could go with her to the movies-"

"Absolutely! Do you need money? There's some in-" The excitement in her voice is almost comical.

"Mom, I have money. I just didn't want you to worry if I wasn't home when you got off." The line is silent for a few beats before she answers.

"Honey, go have fun with your friends and don't worry about me! I love you, sweat pea."

"Love you too." Tears begin to prick at the corners of my eyes suddenly.

"Call me if you need me?" Her question is soft, not wanting to spook me into canceling.

"Always." I smile sadly to no one in the empty house before hanging up.

Bella's tires on her old truck crackle on our gravel driveway and I snag a jacket before bolting out of the front door.

I can do this, I can be normal and enjoy my friends for a few hours.

•••

• January 16th, 2005 • Port Angeles, WA •

Reader

Not only did Bella manage to get me out of the house for a few hours, but she also talked me into watching a scary movie about zombies - one of my least favorite monster movie types. I don't do the jump scares, the suspense, the chasing - nope, none of that is for me.

The worst part was wishing I had him to just hold my hand, because with him I'm invincible. Well, was invincible. With every one of my lurches and under-my-breath curses, I know he'd be chuckling at my expense. Somehow that made the hole in my chest wider, darker.