Redamancy | Jasper Hale x Reader

Chapter Twenty-Six

• March 27th, 2006 • Forks HS •

Jasper

I skipped seventh period just like I skipped lunch, it hasn't even been a week of space from her and I know I'd crumble under her gaze, her proximity. Whatever modicum of control I maintain is not enough to resist simply gravitating towards her.

Standing at my brother's Jeep, I watch as my siblings exit the main school building along with the rest of our classmates. Why stay? Why not just run home once I decided to skip the class we share?

I have to see her, just a glance. Her scent has drifted around this fucking building all day and I'm a weak man.

Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, and I hang around our vehicles as Edward walks Isabella, my supernatural ability straining to feel any sliver of her emotions.

C'mon darlin', I just need to lay my eyes on you for a few seconds.

Last year I would've written this desperation off as insanity, but she's taken over my life and I'm tired of fighting it. I'm ready to give in, but she has to come to me on her own.

Finally, she's walking at a fast clip, straight for her car across the parking lot with her eyes cast down and unfortunately we are not anywhere near that path.

Confusion, uncertainty, and a small inkling of sadness straightens my spine from where I was leaning against Emmett's vehicle. A hand on my shoulder stops the half-step I take in her direction and I wheel on the person it's attached to-

"Stay." Emmett leaves no room for negotiation as he tosses Alice his keys and walks with a purpose in Y/n's direction.

Frustration and possessiveness cloud my head, but I watch my girl with rapt attention.

My brother meets her passenger side door as she reaches her driver's side door, both sliding into their respective seats at the same without a single word exchanged. She hesitates for only a second before cranking the vehicle and driving away. I don't have to reach out to know there's tension rolling off of her, it's in the set of her beautiful mouth and the crinkle of her brow as she passes us on the way out of the parking lot.

Thankfully the parking lot is empty by this point, I'm not sure I could be brought to give a damn as I disappear into the woods to relieve this ache in my chest.

•••

Reader

By the time I reach my house, I'm fuming. Why? I have no fucking idea, but Emmett hasn't said a word the entire ride home. Maybe I'm on edge because Jasper was at school all day, but managed to avoid every single interaction he could possibly have with me.

I cut the engine and lean back in my seat, staring at the front door as the tension comes to a head.

"You got something to say-"

"Do you?" I turn and cut him off, unable to keep the sass from my tone.

His chuckle grates my nerves, "You've been ready to blow up all day, I'm here because I can take it. Talk to me." The smile is gone in an instant with the last three words and it takes the wind out of my sails.

"I want him, but how do I know it won't end the same? Nothing has changed-"

"Everything has changed, don't you get that?" He angles his upper body to stare at me incredulously. "You're his singer-"

"What if I wasn't? What if I wasn't anything special, Emmett? What if I was a normal girl?" The insecurities start to flow and I'm powerless to stop them.

"That only makes your blood irresistible to him," he shakes his head and settles back into the seat again, "this is a conversation to have with him, Y/n. But just know that wouldn't change anything."

"You seem very sure of that, for someone who is not your brother." My voice is small as rain droplets begin to splatter the windshield in a slow, mismatched pattern.

"He's been with us for almost 60 years and I've never seen him like this, with anyone. You are the one and only exception, Jasper doesn't let people in like he's done with you." Emmett's golden eyes meet mine and they shine with sincerity, "This situation with you, it's untreaded territory. Cut him some slack and hear him out, okay?"

"Did he send you to butter me up? Because it's working." I fidget with the peeling cuticle on my thumb, the light rain the only ambient sound.

"No, I just know my best friend needed me."

•••

Reader

I spent all weekend with Quil and it was much needed in order to get back to feeling somewhat normal. Hanging out with him silenced my near-constant thoughts of Jasper and I haven't had a reprieve from those since the day I met him.

This weekend I realized, I don't want to do this without him. I can't do this without him, he's too well ingrained. I'm his singer, his mate and he's... he's the center of my universe, the rhythm that pulses in my veins.

I won't lie, I know our future is complicated - given our differing mortality, but if I want him, I have to accept that part of him. The dangerous part of him, the side that is driven to kill me on instinct, the side that can't give me a future beyond a frozen one. I have to love the not-so-glamorous parts of this man too, because love doesn't get to pick and choose what's convenient or even comfortable.

Talking to Emmett also made me realize that that doesn't scare me like it used to. I've been to hell - I know what it's like without him, I know what it's like to be empty, to lay my heart bare and be left hanging because I wasn't actually ready to understand him, I was just scared to lose him. Six months ago I wasn't ready for the ugly side of what it means to be with a vampire, I was naive to think I could ignore it. To think that I could play it safe - that as long as I didn't put a label on what was transpiring between us, we could stay in this limbo where nothing bad could go wrong.

But then the worst happened and we didn't have a single chance in hell to survive the aftermath.

I have to talk to him. He has to know how I feel, what I want, what I need. That I need him.

•••

• March 27th, 2006 • Cullen Residence •

Jasper

"Dude, you gotta talk to her."

Looking up from my most recent sketch, I spy a slightly damp Emmett leaning inside my bedroom door.

"She needs space to figure out-"

"You've given her space, times up. Get your girl already." Slapping the door frame lightly to emphasize his point, he continues down the hallway to his room.

Sliding my sketchbook away on my desk and leaning back in my chair, I huff a breath and stare at the ceiling. Has a week been long enough? I don't want to rush her in to anything before she's ready, lord knows I couldn't handle her rejection if she's not.