𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙤𝙡𝙤 𝙞𝙢𝙖𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨

breakdown - matt

BEFORE I START THIS THANK YOU SO
MUCH FOR 600 FOLLOWERS LIKE WHAT?!?!
I LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU ALL SO MUCH
I COULD KISS ALL OF U MUAH MUAH MUAH!

writing this in honor of my personal
experiences today !

it's okay to have bad days and it's okay
to ask for help <3.

summary!
in which you have a mental breakdown
and call matt, and he comes to help you calm down :,).

y/n's pov
i was sitting on my bed looking at myself in the mirror. i hated the way i looked. i hated everything about myself. my mental state has been in a really bad funk for the last month, and i just can't find myself getting better. whenever i try, it just goes right back downhill. i hated the way my life was going right now, i'm so tired and exhausted. i didn't even know i was crying, until i felt something wet fall onto my hands. i focused my attention back onto the reflection in my mirror, to see myself.

i was a mess. my hair was a mess, my makeup was a mess, i looked big, my eyes were red and swollen. but most of all, my head was a mess. next thing i know i was sobbing, looking away from myself and grabbing my phone, immediately calling my boyfriend, matt. he knows about my mental health being not the best, but he doesn't know it's this bad. "hi baby," he answered. "matt," i choked out a sob. "hey hey, breathe baby, what's the matter?" "please..." i sobbed. "i need you," i cried, i could barely breathe.

"i'm coming baby. i'm on my way right now, i'll be there in 2 minutes, take deep breaths for me baby, okay? i'm coming," he said and i heard him rushing around. i shook my head, not realizing he couldn't see me. "matt, i can't breathe," i sobbed. "you can baby, you're okay, i'm driving to you right now y/n, deep breaths for me please baby," he pleaded. i tried taking a deep breath but i couldn't get myself to stop sobbing. "matt," i cried. "i know baby, i know, give me 2 more minutes and i'll be with you," he said. he sounded so worried and it broke my heart knowing i was the reason why.

i put my phone next to me on the bed, and brought my knees to my chest, laying my head on them, trying to get myself to stop crying. i heard the sound of my phone hanging up, and a few seconds later my bedroom door opened, and matt rushed over to me. i stood up, and wrapped my arms around his neck, and he held me as tightly and as close to him as he could. "i'm right here, you're okay," he whispered into my ear, giving me multiple kisses on my temple. "i can't do it anymore," i cried into his shoulder.

"do what baby? come sit down let's talk," he rubbed my back, bringing me over to my bed. he sat on the edge and pulled me onto his lap. and i sat on my side so my legs were thrown over his lap and i laid my head on his shoulder, and grabbed his free hand. "my mental health has been so bad recently matt, i haven't told you because i didn't want you to worry but clearly it's gotten really bad. i hate myself, i hate everything about me, i hate the way i look, my head is a mess. i'm so tired, i just want to scream and let everything out, but i don't even know how i feel, i can't put it into words," i explained, tears starting to fall again.

"baby.. i'm so sorry you feel this way, and i'm so sorry i haven't even noticed. but i'm here now, i'm here to help you and take care of you and i'm not going anywhere. you are the most beautiful girl i've ever met, y/n. inside and out. you are such a caring loving girl and that's the reason i fell in love with you, you being the most beautiful girl in the world was just a plus," he started. "it's okay to be sad, it's okay to have bad days, and it's okay to not know how you feel. but what's not okay is bottling up your emotions until it gets this far where you can't control it and you just break. if you need to write down the way you feel, or if you need to call me and vent just to get it out, i'm always here to listen baby. i don't ever want to get a phone call like that again, the second you started talking and asking for help my heart broke." he said.

"i need you to know i'm always here baby, okay? no matter what. i don't care what time it is. 5 in the afternoon or 5 in the morning, if you need me, call me. and i will be here immediately, to remind you how much i love you and why i love you, okay? i love you so fucking much y/n, it hurts me to hear you talk down on yourself," he said, lifting my chin up and making me look at him. "promise me you'll call me before it gets this bad again?" he whispered, and i nodded. "promise," i said just above a whisper, and he leaned down and kissed me.

he turned and laid down, holding me tightly and close to him still, and i repositioned myself so i was comfortable, and laid my head in his neck. "i love you, get some rest baby, i'll be right here when you wake up. i'm not going anywhere for a long time," he whispered, kissing my head. "i love you," i mumbled, closing my eyes, falling asleep almost immediately. but not without feeling matt kiss my head and whisper sweet nothings into my ear every now and then.

anyways so yeah i had a breakdown today ! please take care of yourselves and don't be afraid to ask for help <3. it is 100% okay to have bad days. if any of you ever need it my messages are always always open, i love you all so much.