Don't Wanna Love

10. The past (part 2)

Sophie

Have you ever been ghosted in your life? If you were never, then good.. if you have been, then I can empathise with you..

That too after a 6 month solid relationship.. if that special someone has ghosted.. on you whatever may be the reasons.. it sucks. it's not a great experience.. trust me.. I have been through that.. it was the worst kind of pain, then humiliation, loss of self esteem and what not..

It was a tough time in my life.. I was trying to establish myself as a therapist and I myself needed therapy. I confided everything to Max, my mentor and he had been there for me like a rock. I even tried to give up my practice saying I myself can't deal with it, how will I even treat others..

But, Max pulled me out of it and said, now because you actually know how it feels, you can treat them better.. than the rest of us. So, I never really got my closure as to why he left. I remember how many times I tried calling him, messaging him only to realise that the number was unavailable for about a month, later, I got to know, it's been given to someone else. So, that 1 month I sent thousands of messages and calls.. 

Second month onwards, I didn't go out nor was interested, but from the third month onwards, I got back to my routine. I had to live for the sake of my family, my loved ones.. 

My brother was a huge support and that was when the love story between my bestie and my brother started.. but they told me much later for they were worried about me.. But, I felt happy for them genuinely happy..

I am healing.. I don't know what made the person I loved so much leave me without so much a word. I also realised that I knew just 2 friends of his and realised one of them was missing and the person whom I contacted in the 1st month when I knew that the love of my life went awol.. All he said was, something came up in his home country, so he left..

That was when it hit me, he was safe.. but didn't want to tell me anything and just left.. over time with sessions from Max, I have been better and happy too. 

I just didn't want to experience such pain again, so I sort of closed myself to love, but Max had worked on that aspect of mine too before he left for Spain.. and yes, my first instinct is to run from love.. whenever I feel fondness for someone... which is what I am feeling for Leo right now..

But, some day, maybe.. but right now I am not interested.. guess I am still not ready.. or maybe I will never get the closure I need, but I have been focussing on my work and I am much better.

My parents had the greatest love, they were both sad to know this happened to me.. but neither of them said a word to me except my dad once said "I will kill that i***t* if I find him.." 

My dad had used his resources to find him and he knows something for every time I see my parents, they stop talking.. at times.. when I enter the room..

I unfortunately heard bits a pieces one day 2 years ago.

"Yes.. the bastard is married.. " "He should've just told her the truth.. before he left.." 

"hmm.. " 

I knew what I had to know.. and that day my heart broke all over again.. but I was ok... It was something I guess I should've guessed.. All that hurt me was why couldn't he even leave a letter.. to me... whatever might his decision be.. he could've just told me and left. 

So, this was the importance I held in his life I guess.. it was just a 6 month relationship some of my close buddies had said.. but at times a day is enough to feel things for someone..

So, yes.. this is my past.. which made me tell myself.. "Don't wanna love anyone, no relationships ... just wanna love myself and be happy.. "

And that is what I have been doing over the last 4 years or so.. until Leo came back..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A/N: Hi all, have you ever been ghosted? It's the worst feeling.. Don't ever try and think life would be like the movie Ghosted.. movies are well just movies.. in reality.. things don't usually have  happy endings in cases like these.. but we can move on.. read on to follow Sophie.. and how she gets stronger.. and will she have a blast from the past?? maybe..