Don't Wanna Love

16. Sophie makes a decision

Sophie

I understood two things tonight. I did love Alex, Alessandro as he is called.. I didn't want to love anyone else.

And I totally understand now why he didn't contact me.. and why he can't be with me.. Now I finally got my closure. Why was fate so cruel..

If tonight is all I have with him, then is it wrong to desire to be with him just for tonight? My heart tells it's not wrong, but my mind won't accept it.. it says it's wrong..

Just then Alessandro tells me he would want the best for me.. If this is not love, then, what is I wonder.. I don't have any words to tell him..

So, I just look at him and pull him for a hug.. and let go.. I end up crying.. all those walls I built so high guarding my heart were flooded with tears right now

I couldn't stop myself..

"I am sorry Soph.. I know.. I really do hope someone would be there to wipe your tears away and you get the family you deserve.. maybe I shouldn't have met you, for I hate being the cause of your pain.. I always want you happy and today I am the cause of your pain.." Alessandro said while I tried to control my tears, I looked into his eyes and he had some unshed tears..

I went and washed up and told him "I will be happy and fine Alessandro, I won't be sad anymore. Thanks for everything. I got my closure I guess.. It is 3:00a.m., I think you better leave now.." I told him.

He looked at me longingly.. It was 3 am in the night, I was tired.. and what I did next can only be blamed on my lack of sleep and emotional roller coaster I have been on over the last few days ever since Alessandro has been back..

I kissed him.. and I totally expected him to not kiss me back, but surprisingly, he did.. and while I tried to pull back, he held me in his arms and deepened the kiss.. I couldn't stop myself.. anymore, all my logic flew outside the window..

Guess his did too..

And now I pulled back.. He was still looking at me with those eyes..

"Alessandro.. I did love you.. truly I did.. and I get it why you had to leave and break my heart.. Now I get it.. and thank you for holding me today and giving me closure.. I think I need to move on.. and now finally I am able to.. thank you Alex.." I told him truthfully.

Alessandro gave me the sweetest smile..

" Avrò sempre un posto nel mio cuore per te amore mio" he said in Italian.. I smiled at him and asked him.. "what did you say..."

"Nothing my dear.. just take care.. and that I will always have a place for you in my heart.." he said..

I hugged him and said "Me too.. Alex. Me too.."

Then it was still 3:30am, but I took him to the car park and dropped him and he went with a small smile on his face.. and I came back with a smile too..

I think now I would like to date Leo.. I want to give a chance to Leo..

After dropping Alessandro, I decided to get some sleep.. tomorrow, I had a session with Edward and then I decided to free my afternoon for Leo.. 

I messaged Leo after I woke up at around 8am, I had just 4 hrs of sleep.

"Hey Leo, how about we meet for lunch today" I texted him.

"Sure Soph, I will free my lunch appointments then", he replied. 

"If you are busy, it's ok, we shall meet for dinner." I responded.

"Ok then dinner it is.. " he replied..

I smiled and prepared to meet Edward.

"So Edward, how are things? Any progress with your Sylvie..?" I asked him..

"Hmm.. well, nothing much.. I have been busy.." he said. 

"Ok.. and.. would you like to talk about what you are thinking?" I asked him.

"Now, I feel like I am talking to a therapist? what happened with Zach? anyone else I need to know?how's Leo?" he asked me.

"Well, Zach was just a high school acquaintance  who was here for 1 year and I didnt want to date him, so he called me a freak or something like that,  so I did what I did.. " I confessed to him.

"But you are not a freak.." Edward told me.

"Ah, thanks for letting me know?" I smiled.

'Hmm.. so are you going to talk to Sylvie?" I asked him.

"About what? Marriage? " he asked me.

"yes.." I told him. 

"I don't know... " Edward trailed off..

"Well Edward, I can tell you from a recent experience and also from what I studied all these years that , the thing we hold on to, the anger or fear emotion cannot help us.. I know that you know, but it is there and is acting on your subconscious mind.. The day you decide to let go of these fears, will be the best way for you.. think about it.." I told him.

"I agree with all of this.. Sophie.. but.." he trailed off..

"what is the 'but'.. continue, it's just fear.. you need to overcome and you need to realise that not every story will end up like Elena.." I told him. 

"I am not able to overcome this fear.. Sophie.. I don't understand why.." Edward told me truthfully.

"Yes.. acceptance is the first step.. next, let's heal... from this.. let's not rush this.. " I tell him..

"Okay.. so what is going on with you.. Is Leo, your lover boy still around.. and today I see you look happy.." he asks me.

"Yes, actually pretty recently I had a closure over some issue which was troubling me.. and yes I am happy today.. Leo is good.. and I may be meeting him today.." I tell him.

"Great to know that Sophie.. alright then.." Edward stands up to leave.

"Edward, I need you to take time to fill this and come when you come for next session.." saying so I hand him a printout.

"So, you are giving me homework eh?" he says..

"Something like that.." I smile.

He takes it and then gives me a hug and leaves.

I have some other appointments I take care of and by 5pm, I go home to get ready for my date with Leo.

 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A/N: Hi everyone, Please do read and vote.. It keeps me motivated.. and I will be able to finish this story soon and move on to some new ideas my mind has been brewing..