Don't Wanna Love

28. Jane wants to know

Alessandro

I was so caught up in my bubble of happiness with the kids over the last 2 days that I forgot to call Jane. 

She called me like a 20-30 times.. I told her I was busy with a deal. I would be calling her tonight after the kids sleep I suppose.

I checked out of the hotel room and moved to Soph's house and was busy playing house house with her, or at least I wanted to.. I could see us 4 happy and joyful in the future. 

I wanted to tell Jane the truth.. I was just living an empty shell of a life with her.. I always loved Soph, I kept telling myself that Soph would be happier without me, but neither she was happy without me nor was I without her. 

I watched as  Soph tucked in our kids into the bed and kissed them both and was now looking at me, I went and did the same and took out a book and started to read the kids a story.

Once I saw that both the kids were asleep, I went to the kitchen to get myself a glass to water and saw that Soph was having a warm tea.

I joined her and she gave me a cup too. We were both silent, yet the silence was comfortable between us. 

"I know we need to talk about so many things like till when you would be here etc etc but not tonight.. Goodnight" she said softly after she finished her tea. 

I held her wrist and hugged her for I could see some tears in her eyes. I know she has been through a lot because of me, I realised she doesn't have any expectations from me, hence her easy dismissal of this issue, she probably fears for our kids.. Oh God, how have I made such a mess.. 

I was surprised when she hugged me back after almost half a minute and next thing I know she is sobbing and then she hugs me harder and then leaves me, I try to stop her but she's quick, I follow her to her room and I see her lying on her bed crying.

"I'm sorry Soph.. I wish you never had to go through this.. Maybe if I kept my space from you during your graduation.. no no..then we wouldn't have known Evan and Ryan, I wish I was firmer with my father saying I would never return, I wish I .." trailed off... 

She wouldn't look at me nor did her tears stop. I just went to her and sat beside her. 

"Soph.. let's talk.." I told her softly.

"I don't know what I was thinking Alex.. Alessandro.. I didn't want you to be involved for you are temporary and I never told the boys about what you do and that you have a wife, and that you won't be seeing them everyday and  I don't know how to explain to them.. all these things.." she spoke openly about her feelings.

"Soph.. I will be honest with you as well. Jane and I have had an arranged marriage, while I have been protective of her, I never really loved her as much as I loved you, but despite loving you, I kept hurting you and keeping you away from myself, I don't know.. I hurt you a lot Soph, I am sorry. I always thought you would be safer and happier away from me, but I guess not, coz I am miserable without you as you are.." I opened myself up to her.

And, yes after the words flowed out, needless to say.. we ended up kissing each other.. and I couldn't stop myself from touching her for as a mother, her figure had become more rounder and more womanly..

"I haven't been with anyone after you.." she whispered in between our kisses..

I couldn't control myself and gave all of myself to her and she did the same to me..

We made love more than 3 times, if we are keeping a count before morning.. 

As morning arrived, the twins came running to us.. hugging us both..

I could get used to this. 

And I checked my phone to see 15 missed calls from Jane all in 1 night.

Oh boy I am in trouble.. I need to come clear.. and be the father the kids deserve and also for my Soph.. I need to tell Jane.. 

I had messaged Jane earlier, saying I would call her, but I didn't. 

"I know what you have been upto" came her reply.

How did she know? She will raise hell now..

I called my assistants. The kids were busy having their breakfast while Soph was looking at me worried and then ignored me completely while having breakfast. She asked her cook to serve me and avoided eye contact with me.

Double S***, we didn't use protection yesterday. 

Not that I minded one bit..  

Now got to know from my assistants that Jane is on her way to the UK to meet me who she thinks is in London. 

I left my assistants as well in London. They can handle her till I go there.

I took Soph's hand after I had my breakfast and led her to the study.

"Soph, I need to go to London. Jane is coming. I intend to tell everything to her. I need you and the kids in my life Soph, I can't keep pretending that I don't want you in my life. I have done enough of that. I have taken care of Jane enough, I wish she should also find someone who would love her. Not just have me be by her side and protect her like a body guard would." I tried to explain my feelings to Soph.

She looked at me and hugged me and said  "I can understand Alessandro.. whatever choice you make, I will support it. For you have been supportive of my choices too. If Jane can't live without you, then I can allow you to see the kids when you could, maybe once a year atleast.."

"I , Soph.. I can't just live with myself if I am seeing you or our kids once a year. I have been forced with Jane, I have done everything for others and nothing for myself. I love that about you Soph, you are so brave and just follow your heart, trust me when I say I would be here if I followed my heart." I told her honestly.

"I will see you Soph." I told her and went to the kids, kissed them and hugged them goodbye and told them I would be back soon. The twins had tears in their eyes, so I promised them I would be back on Christmas and would celebrate the holiday with them.

I was now determined to do so more than ever, for I promised the kids.

Jane, here I come. I took my car and started back to London.

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