Phobia

33. Terry

Reporter: As you can see behind me, I'm at the accident site where fifteen-year-old Teresa 'Terry' Gupta passed away after getting hit by her school bus, and she succumbed to her wounds right in front of the school gates. The reaction to this loss is general solemness, and there's an air of quiet despair in the school as it prepares for the mandatory two minutes of respectful silence.

(The camera goes dark and the screen reappears. The reporter is standing with a teenage girl.)

Girija: Terry.... was my best friend. She was such a comforting person... she always liked to listen to everyone instead of talking. I miss her so much... (Girija breaks down, sobbing, and the camera cuts off.)

(The reporter is standing with Terry's class teacher, Mrs. Marie Thomas.)

Marie: She was such a well-mannered girl, always a bit on the quiet side. She was a bright student, and I'm sorry about her fate. It's very depressing to think that no one will ever get to see her grow up. 

(Terry's friends appear on the screen.)

Loma: Terry was the nicest girl I knew. She was always there for me when I needed her.

Mae: I'm so so sad that I'll never see her again... she was the most motivating person I had ever met. She was my role model.

Paige: She was so optimistic... she used to radiate joy. Nothing could anger her. Nothing.

(The reporter asks the principal of the school about the accident.)

Principal: We hold no responsibility for Teresa's accident. She was a model student, and it is indeed a shame that she was taken away at such a tender age, but it is not due to any fault on the school's part. Appropriate road safety measures were not applied by her and it is due to her careless oversight that the accident took place. 

Reporter: My sources speak a different story here, ma'am. They say that your school's bus driver was speeding ahead despite the red signal, and that is a clear violation of road safety laws. Surely you're not blaming Terry for crossing the road when the signal was red?

(The camera pans to show a crowd outside of the school, holding a peaceful demonstration to demand justice for Terry.)

Principal: I don't think- 

I switched the TV off and mom and dad's heads jerked up. They looked dazed, and tears were leaking from Mom's eyes. Terry, my baby sister, was gone, and she didn't even get the justice she deserved.

I broke the silence. "Just one more box left."

They nodded, and I went back upstairs. I was clearing out Terry's things; my parents wouldn't be able to do it themselves without breaking down. As I opened the box and started examining the contents, a paper fell out from the bottom. Bending down, I picked it up and started reading Terry's messy scrawl -

Dear Russel,

I know you'll be the one reading this. Mom and Dad will probably be too heartbroken to even step into my room. I can just picture the surprise on your face now. You're probably thinking about why this is addressed to you. You probably suspect the reason, but you've dismissed it, thinking it's far-fetched, even for you. But you're closer than you think.

I'm so selfless, that's what everyone tells me. I care about them so much, but I don't think they care about me at all. I'm so quiet, they say it makes me a good listener. Girija was my best friend for the longest time - 9 whole years, since first grade. But now, she hurts me. Her small remarks hurt, her new best friend hurts and the fact that she doesn't even think I matter hurts. Mae hates me, and why? I don't know. I know it seems like nothing angers me, and that's true. Because everything just hurts.

I act so different on the surface, I don't think I'm me anymore. I'm just whoever they like. I'm the problem. I'm the reason my parents are so upset, I'm the reason no one stays by my side for too long. They probably just feel bad for me. I'm so tired.

Russel... I jumped in front of that bus. No one would have remembered me before. No one needed me. I needed them. And now, I bet they'll never forget me. I'll stay, lost in time, the girl who could've done such great things, what a shame. I know I took the coward's way out, and I know that I had nothing in life to worry about, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm so selfish, but at least now Mom and Dad will never have to get mad at me again. At least they can live in the what-ifs. I'm sorry I was so weak that I couldn't even handle my own life. I'm sorry for telling you the whole truth like this. It just feels so light now. And if you're reading this, then I must be light too.

Terry