As Long As I'm Here // Billie Eilish

Preparations

Christmas morning.

I wake up to Billie squirming around beside me in the bed. I look over to the clock, it shows 7:30 AM so it's quite early but still an acceptable time to wake up, even if it's christmas morning. She's still sleeping though, even if she's squirming around. So I decide to move closer to her and wrap my arm around her, spooning her in hope that she will sleep at least for another half hour. The dampness from her pyjama pants and the mattress touches my skin and I immediately realize why she's been squirming around.

"Billie, hjärtat ("my heart" in Swedish)" I softly say rubbing her arm trying to wake her up.

"Mmmh" she whines still half asleep.

"I'm sorry, I know you're tired but you need to wake up. You peed baby" I say again stroking her back.

"What?" She asks me sleepily lifting her head

"You peed, we just need to change the sheets and clean you up" I repeat.

"Fucking hell" she says and smashes her head back on the pillow.

"It's okay, I'll help you" I tell her.

She sits up and pulls away the blanket, sighing and throwing her head back at the sight of her soaked pyjama pants.

"Why do I keep doing this?! I'm not a fucking toddler. Stupid body!" She exclaims.

"Stop scolding yourself over things you can't control" I say.

"That's exactly why I'm scolding myself, because I can't fucking control it and it's embarrassing as hell that I can't" Billie says.

"Billie, stop that"

"It's so gross and embarrassing, I'm disgusting" She says and continues to look down at her pants.

I decide that it's not the right time to talk back at her right now. So I just stand up and walk over to her side of the bed, reaching out both my arms at her.

"What are you doing?" She asks me.

"Carrying you to the bathroom" I say as I begin to lift her up.

"No, stop. It will get on you"

"I don't mind" I say and lift her up.

"No seriously, let me go. I'll walk, I don't want it on your clothes to, is already embarrassing enough" she says

"Well if you walk we will have to clean the floor instead, you peed a lot so your pants are soaked and will start dripping on the floor if you walk. It's better if it gets on me, then I can just take a bath with you" I tell her as I carry her to the bathroom.

"Stop talking about and mentioning it.." Billie says when I finally put her down on the bathroom floor.

"Billie, I know that you hate this part about yourself but as I've said before. I don't mind it at all, I just want to help you. You need to start talking about it. There are plenty of products to buy that may help you, and I'll be very happy to help you out to find the right one. But for now, just drop it. It's christmas morning and we should focus on that, okay love?" I tell her.

"Give me your clothes and hop in the bathtub, I'll get in soon when I have put our clothes and the bed sheets in the washing machine" I add.

She starts to take off her clothes and give them to me. They are dripping on to the bathroom floor making her cringe and blush. She turns her naked body around to grab some paper towels to clean up the floor with but I stop her.