As Long As I'm Here // Billie Eilish

I have a girlfriend

One week later.

I have been at Billie's families house for about two weeks now and I've pretty much got in to the routines now. I know that I soon need to start looking for a place for my own, I'm so thankful Billie and her family let me stay here. I'm lying in Billie's bed right now with Shark and Ruby. Billie sits at the end of the bed playing her guitar and humming. After a while she puts down the guitar and crawls up to cuddle me on the bed.

"Hi baby" I say and wrap my arms around her.

She doesn't say anything, she just cuddles me quietly.

"What's up? Is something bothering you?"

"I don't know, I want cuddles" she shrugs.

"I'll give you as many cuddles as you like. You know you can tell me everything, if you want to talk to me" I say and place a kiss on her forehead.

"I don't know, it feels like I can't tell you this" Billie says with a sigh.

I look at her concerned.

"Why? You know you can tell me everything?"

"I'm just scared to ruin like, things. I don't want to lose you or anything"

"As long as you haven't murdered someone or shit you won't lose me, I promise. You know I will never ever judge you for anything Billie? I care so much about you" I say and hug her even tighter.

"I'm scared that you will think I'm strange"

"I would never Billie. Do you want me to turn the lights off while you tell me?"

That's actually my coping technique when I want to talk about something that's hard. I turn off the lights so I don't have to look at the person I'm telling. I've done it a couple times with Billie before when I've told her things that are hard for me to talk about. I think it's easier in darkness, it's not as judgy as light.

Billie blushes and nods as I stand up to turn off the lights before I walk back to cuddle her. I can feel her ticking a bit, she tends to do that when she's nervous

"Tell me everything" I say as I cuddle her.

"I really don't know how to say this but, wow it feels easier in the darkness" she interrupt herself.

"Hahah I know, that's why I asked to turn of the lights. Tell me when you're ready"

"I don't know how to say this and I'm really scared that you are going to think I'm weird or that things will get awkward between us. I know it's way to early to say this but I'm in love with you Tuva" she says and her voice gets almost to quiet to hear at the end of the sentence.