As Long As I'm Here // Billie Eilish

Dreams coming true

TW!
This chapter contains talk about self harm scars.

At the meet and greet.

It's so close now, so god damn close. I will soon be meeting the person I have been longing to meet for so many years. I try to stay calm and not make myself cry. There is only two more girls in the que before me now. I start to panic, what am I even gonna say to her?? It will just sound pathetic, I already know it. Not only because Swedish is my first language, but when I get nervous I tend to forget like the whole English language.

It's only one more girl in the que before me now.

I look down to check my outfit one last time and then I see it. I accidentally took the wrong jeans shorts this morning. I took the ones that doesn't cover my old self harm scars on my thighs. Fuck, fuck, fuck!!!! How can I be so stupid?! Okay I just need to breath and don't cry, she won't notice it. And if she does it's okay, she doesn't even care. I'm just one of her millions of fans. I take a deep breath in trying so hard I can to hold back the tears and then all suddenly the girl before me in the que is gone and I am standing face to face with Billie Eilish.

Everything goes so fast I have no time to even register what's happening. I instinctively pull my shorts trying to cover my thighs and she locks eyes with me. I freeze and puts my hands over my face to cover the tears that had just started streaming. She looks at me and smiles with pouting lips and starts talking.

"Oh my god you're so cute! Come here, don't cry!"

I look at her as tears stream down my face and probably ruins my mascara. She opens up her arms for me and invites me into a hug. I can't say anything as I walk closer to hug her, I just cry like a fucking baby.

"Please don't cry, you're alright!" She says as she hugs me tighter.

"Look at you, you are so beautiful! I love your hair! What's your name gorgeous?"

"t-thank you. I- I name is t-Tuva" I say between the sobs.

I know that I said it wrong. I'm just so nervous.

"I'm so sorry, my first language is Swedish"

She looks at me with warmth and laughs a little.

"Don't be sorry you're super cute! How has your day been so far?"

"Well right now I'm living my literal dream so it's fair to say it's the best day in my life so far"

She smiles and looks at me up and down and I see that her eyes stops for a second at my old self harm scars. But she doesn't say anything about it. I take a deep breath in order to try to say something of value to her.

"I- I don't know what to say, it will just sound pathetic. But your music has helped me through so much. I've had some problems at home with my family situation and-"

I stop myself. Why did I say that??? She doesn't care, and it's really not her problem. I don't know why I said it.

"Sorry, I love you so much"

"Shush, I love you! I'm so sorry to hear about that" She says and actually looks concerned.

Ah, shit. Why did I say that!!

"Oh no don't be! Everything is okay, I don't know why I said that..."

"Hey, it's okay! What's your name? Oh wait no I already asked that hahaha" She says and laugh.

"t-Tuva" I try to repeat but it's hard because I cry so much.

"Tuva, that's a really cool name! And on a very beautiful girl. Do you live here in Stockholm?"

"Thank you so much! Yeah, eh, or no, I-"

"Hahah have you decided yes or no?" She laughs at my attempt to talk.

"Sorry. No, I live about an hour away from Stockholm. I actually live on a farm on the countryside"

"No way! For real? That's like my dream! I love animals!"

Billies manager: "we need to take the picture now, okay?"

I hear her manager say. I walk closer to Billie to give her one last hug and take the picture. She hugs me and puts her face beside mine so we are cheek to cheek for the picture.

"You are so gorgeous, please be good to yourself. I'll talk to you later" She says and let's go of me.

I want to scream and cry of excitement of what just happened but I pull myself together and walks to the arena.
While I stand there with the thousands of her other fans and wait for her I start to think about what she said. "I'll talk to you later". What did she mean by that? She was just probably being nice, I bet she says that to everyone.

The lights in the arena goes out and everyone starts to scream, including me. Billie comes up on stage and the concert begins. This is literally the best day of my life!

The concert continues and her song "wish you were gay" starts playing. The chorus comes and she looks at me, or so it felt. She probably just looked out at the crowd. And sings "I just kinda wish you were gay" while smiling at me. Is she really looking at me?! Wow, this day can't get any better.

One hour later, the concert is over.

That was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced I think to myself as I make my way out of the arena. I walk past the security guards and one of them holds out their arm to stop me. I stop so suddenly I almost falls to the floor. I look up at the big man and frown, he looks at me seriously and hands me something.

"From Billie" He says, and let's out a small but still serious smile.

I take what seems to be a post-it note out of he's hand and walk away still a bit surprised of what just happened. He most have been high or delusional or something. Great that they let those people work as security guards I think to myself as I laugh a little. I open up the post-it note just for fun to see what silly stuff he wrote on there.

"Remember me Tuva
/Billie"

It actually looks really like Billie's handwriting but I know it's just a prank or some bullshit. He most have been practising her handwriting I think to myself and let out a little smile. I walk past a garbage can and throws the post-it note in it. What a stupid prank.

I hope you like it so far! Please vote for me and comment if you want to. I think I will maybe put one or two more chapters out today. I'm on a sick leave so I'm really bored and need to distract myself. As I said earlier, please let me know if I wrote anything wrong as English isn't my first language.

Take care and stay tuned! 💜