As Long As I'm Here // Billie Eilish

At night

TW!
This chapter contains talk about mental abuse, light smut and light talk about self harm scars.

I smile back at her. She leans forward again and this time our lips meet. One of her hands are behind my head and the other one is on my leg. I put my hands around her neck and kiss her back as I feel goosebumps starting to form on my back. We pull apart and look at each other, both blushing, and then leans back on the couch again.

Billie starts the tv and we sit there for a while beside each other before I finally find the courage to lean my head against her. When I do she leans her head against mine. Then we just sit there, trying to take in the moment.

Billie looks at me.

"Earlier today, you know, uhm, when your mom called you.. What, -what was that about? She sounded so angry"

"Oh, nothing. Forget about it" I say as I look down on my hands.

"As I said, I'm not gonna just forget about it"

"It's just... She's just having a hard time to control her emotions sometimes. But it's okay, I'm used to it" I answer trying to sound as convincing as possible.

"What do you mean by you're used to it? Is she often this angry with you?" Billie says now looking a little worried.

"Well.. I've always had a very complicated relationship to my family"

Billie looks at me and gesture that I should keep talking.

"It has literally been like this ever since I was a kid. My brother have always been her favorite child and I just had to adapt to that growing up. She was always angry at me, I mean she still is, and acted very manipulative. Trying to make me into thinking that I'm a horrible person. I know that if I fight back it only gets worse, so I try to just lay low" I say and sighs.

"I'm so sorry to hear about that Tuva. That's so wrong, your family, and especially your mom, should be the one supporting you"

"I know, I guess I'm just used to it by now"

She looks at me, looking a little sad over what I just told her.

"Do you want to stay the night? It's getting quite late" she says and shows me the clock on her phone.

"But, but I don't have anything with me.."

"It's okay, you can borrow some of my clothes. You're also short so I think they will fit"

"Hey! I'm not short, I'm just fun sized!" I say pretending to be offended.

30 minutes later

"Do you want pyjama shorts or pyjama pants?" Billie asks me as she digs around in her wardrobe.

"Pyjama pants would be great"

I don't want her to see the scars on my thighs, even though they are completely healed I'm still ashamed of them.

"You sure? It's kinda hot in here"

"Yeah I'm sure, I tend to freeze during the night" I lie.

She hands me the pyjamas and I walk to the bathroom to brush my teeth and get ready for bed.
When I come back out from the bathroom Billie is not there, and neither are Shark and Ruby. Then I hear the door swing open and Billie comes in with the dogs on a leash.

"Shark wanted to go out and pee before bedtime so I took Ruby with so she wouldn't be left alone when you were in the bathroom. I hope that was okay?" Billie explains.

I smile at her as she unleashes the dogs and Ruby licks her face.

Billie goes to the bathroom and I walk over to the couch trying to make myself comfortable. She comes out in her pyjama and looks at me and laughs.

"What are you doing?"

"Oh sorry, I thought we were going to bed" I say and quickly sits up again.

"Eh? Yes we are going to bed, that includes you too"

"Oh but I don't wanna bother you by sleeping in your bed, I know that it only has one blanket"

"That was kinda like the whole point, come on now silly" she says laughing and shaking her head at me.

Billie jumps in first and pats on the spot beside her in bed, inviting me in. I join her and she lays me on top of her so that my head rests on her chest while covering us both with the duvet. I get shocked at first but as soon as I feel her arms around me I relax my body. Shark and Ruby jumps up and lies at our feet.

"You comfy?"

"Comfier then usual" I say and smirk at her.

"Good" she says and smiles back at me.

The lights goes out and we lie there in complete darkness. She rubs my back and I can feel her heartbeat through her chest, it really calms me down.
I've always thought it is something special about darkness. I really can't describe what it is exactly, it's like the atmosphere totally changes and you dare to say things you never would in daylight.

"Tuva, you know that if somethings ever bothering you, you can tell me. Right?"

"Why are you being so nice to me Billie?" I ask her.

"Because... I really like you"

"I really like you too Billie"

This chapter was a little bit shorter then usual but I hope it's still okay. Thank you so much for over 50 reads, it's brings me so much joy! Keep reading, vote for me and comment if you like it 💜