But Not Me (GxG)

BNM-13

Noelle Canarette

I've been lying in bed for hours, unable to sleep, as my mind keeps replaying Dad's words about grandma.

What if totoo nga na uuwi si grandma?

Oh no.... I'm só doomed.

The thought sends a shiver down my spine. Don't get me wrong, I love my grandma, but being around her is suffocating. Every move I make needs to be calculated, every word I say needs to be carefully chosen. It's like walking on eggshells all the time. Kaya nga nag-rebelde si dad para lang makaalis sa puder ni grandma noong panahon niya.

​Come to think of it... anak nga niya talaga ako. Tignan mo nga naman ang karma.

Bumiling ako sa kabila, nagbabakasakali na makuha ko tulog ko. Ngunit ganon na lang ang inis ko ng paulit-ulit pa rin nag e-echo sa utak ko ang mga sinabi ni dad.

"Damn it!" I mutter under my breath, my irritation mounting. Banas na tumingin na lang ako sa orasan na nakasabit sa pader and a sigh escapes my lips when I see that it's already 3am.

​What the heck? Hindi pa nga ako natutulog tapos mag-uumaga na!?

I flop back onto my bed, pulling the covers over myself in frustration. I squeeze my eyes shut pero biglang may narinig akong ingay mula sa labas. Pinakiramdaman ko muna ito hanggang sa lumakas ang mga boses nila na nag-uusap. I strain my ears, trying to make out the voices. I recognize one of them as Marga's and dad's but the other voice sends a wave of unease through me.

Curiosity gets the better of me, and I keep my eyes closed, pretending to be asleep, as I listen intently to their conversation. Suddenly, the door creaks open. Sa hindi malamang dahilan, nakaramdam ako ng kaba. Napahinto ang aking paghinga habang naghihintay kung ano ang gagawin nila. The tension in the air is palpable, and I can't help but feel a knot forming in my stomach.

"She's sleeping soundly," the familiar voice says, "I'll talk to her later when she wakes up."

"Sure, mom," Dad responds, his voice confirming my suspicions.

So it's grandma who's here after all?

The realization sends a mix of emotions coursing through me.

Shit shit shit!

As the door closed, I quickly sat down on the edge of my bed, my heart pounding in my chest. I turned to look at the door, unable to believe that Grandma was actually here, standing just a few feet away from me. The room felt surreal, as if I had been transported into a different dimension.

​Nananaginip lang ako, right?

Kanina diwa ko lang ang gising. But now, every fiber of my being was fully alert, my senses heightened. I hadn't been able to sleep at all hanggang abutan na ako ng umaga. Lutang lang akong nakatingin sa kawalan hanggang sa may kumatok sa pintuan ko.

"Young lady, pinapapagising na po kayo ni Madam." Narinig kong sabi ng kumatok, isa sa mga kasambahay sa bahay.

I felt a surge of panic rise within me. Hindi ko na alam ano pang mura ang sasabihin ko. What was I going to say? How could I possibly face Grandma? I could argue with Dad, defend myself against him, but Grandma was a different story. She had a way of seeing right through me, of piercing through my defenses with just a single glance. Madalas pa nga na siya ang desisyon sa lahat ng bagay. At isa pang nakakainis! Makikita ni dad kung gaano ako walang magawa sa harap ni Grandma!