whats best for the kids...? (crew boys polyx Oc)

forty three- trying

I sat with Evie in my arms.

Im trying to do anything to distract myself. It's been a week.

Collie has been missing for a week and there is no leads whatsoever.

I'm obviously not trying to forget the whole situation, I just can't think about it non stop.

But I still am.

Having 5 kids, I can't just shut down. I have 4 other kids to keep an eye on.

But my mind will always be on Collie until she gets back.

Is she okay?

Where is she?

Is he hurting her?

...is she dead..?

I shook my head. She's not dead.

I kissed Evies forehead. I can't not have a baby in my arms or by my side.  I need to make sure they're being watched.

I've been waking up every hour to check on the babies.

Nick came downstairs, pulling me onto his lap.
"How you feeling?" He asked, kissing my cheek.
"No different than I've been feeling for the past week." I frowned up at him.
"That's okay." He told me.

I looked back down at Evie, rubbing her soft hair.
"Y'know" he started "we're gonna find her. You know that right?"

I didn't say anything. I didn't know. I hope and pray that she will be found. But I don't know..

By my silence, he knew what I was thinking.
"Don't think that way. We will find her. No matter how long it takes." He told me.

I nodded, holding Evie to my chest, and kissed the top of her head.
"Im gonna go check on Harper." I said, handing Evie to him.

I went upstairs, and walked into her room.

She was sitting on her bed, holding a stuffed animal, just staring at it.

When I got closer, I realized it wasn't just any stuffed animal.

It was the stuffed monkey named 'kitty'.

Collies favorite thing in the entire world.

I sat next to her, pulling her onto my lap.
"You hanging out with Kitty?" I asked her.
"I wish Collie had her. I think she would like to hug Kitty.." she told me

I wasn't really expecting her to say that.

"I wish she had her too, baby. Why don't you come downstairs. The babies probably miss you." I smiled at her.

She was hesitant, but she nodded. She loves the babies so much.

We walked downstairs, hand in hand, and we sat on the couch together.

I grabbed Finley from his baby swing, putting him on Harper's lap. She scooted back slowly to the corner of the couch, and started mumbling.
"Im gonna take care of you.. I'll watch you, and fight anyone who tries to hurt you." She looked up, straight to the wall, whispering "i wish I could've done the same for Collie.."

She kissed his forehead, and laid her head back on the couch.

Shes very mature. She speaks mature, and acts relatively mature. At least for her age.

I hate the way she is right now. Shes in such a bad state of mind, and it hurts me so bad.

I kissed her cheek.
"You wanna go get Daddy's from Karls office? We can order dinner and watch movies, okay?" I asked her.

A smile grew on her face.
"A happy meal?" She asked.
"Yes, a happy meal." I laughed, and she ran upstairs.

She walked back downstairs with the boys following behind her.

We ordered a happy meal for Harper, and the rest of us got Chick-fil-A.

We ate and watched Bunk'd. Harper and Collie always watched this together.
"Okay, sweetheart. It's bedtime." i told Harper, shutting off the tv, holding Finely and Ainslee in my arms.

We all took the triplets to bed, and then I took Harper to her bed. She laid down, holding kitty in her arms, and I kissed her forehead.
"We're gonna get Collie back, okay? I promise you." I told her, genuinely.

She nodded.
"I miss her.." she told me.
"I know.. we all do. But she'll be home soon." I kissed her forehead again, tucking her in, and turning off her lamp, and I went to the door, opening it.
"I love you, Harper." I told her, tilting my head.
"I love you too, mommy." She smiled at me.

I went to my room where all the boys were. I went to the connected bathroom, washed my face, and brushed my teeth.

I went into the bedroom, and laid down with the boys. It was silent for a few minutes, and then I spoke up.
"What if we never find her." I mumbled.
"Don't think like that." Karl told me.
"I'm being serious. This is real life. What if she never comes back, realistically." I asked them, lifting my head up.
"Then we'll keep looking until we find her. We will never give up on our daughter." Clay said to me.

I nodded, laying my head back on Alex's chest.

We all spoke to each other about random things, and then we heard it.

The scream I've heard before..

Harper.

We all shot out of bed, sprinting to Harper's room.

"MOMMY! HELP!" We heard Harper screaming, and then we ran up to her room.

I swung the door open.

There he was again.

Trying to get ahold of my daughter.

Idan.

this is all so exciting
for me, you guys. litterly. drama is my life.
xoxo