proud// 5SOS

5

Esme

Dad and I hadn't spoken for five minutes. We had been sobbing. He held my head to his body, and was grabbing my shoulder tightly. I had his shirt scrunched in my hands.

This was how it went. I would be living life one moment and the next the cops would come and fuck it up. But, this time it wasn't a fuck up.

"I love you so, so, so much, lovebug,"

He pulled away and cupped my cheeks, studying my face, my eyes meeting his dark brown ones. He had changed a lot. Grown his hair out, grown a beard, lost weight. But it was still my dad. Still the same man.

"You get more and more beautiful everytime I see you," he sniffed, "Oh lovebug. I am so happy you are here,"

"Me too,"

"Are you okay? Do you need food? A warm drink? I wasn't ready for this, Uncle Mike is here!" he laughed, more tears falling, "What can I get you?"

"A warm drink would be nice?"

"Yeah? What do you have?"

"Black coffee,"

"Easy enough,"

He kissed my forehead and wiped his face of tears, turning to put the kettle on.

"Did you come with any things?"

"Nope,"

"They will probably bring them tomorrow,"

"I was living with Link, we can pick them up tomorrow,"

"Who is Link?"

"My boyfriend,"

"You have a boyfriend now! Mike! Our Esme has a boyfriend,"

"Oh really?" he said, appearing in the kitchen, "It is good to see you,"

He gave me a hug and I held onto him tightly, closing my eyes. I missed having family.

"You are gonna love him,"

"I am sure I will," dad said, putting the coffee infront of me, "Can I get you anything else? Are you sure you don't need food?"

"I ate at Clara's,"

"Okay,"

"She is my best friend. I changed schools,"

"Yeah," he said, teary eyed, "A lot changed huh?"

"I'm still me,"

"Yeah. Mike, I am sorry to cut it short tonight but can we be alone?"

"Don't apologise man. I will pop round tomorrow, make sure you're all okay. Let me know if you need anything,"

"I appreciate that,"

"See ya tomorrow," he said, kissing the top of my head. I smiled, and waved, then cupped my mug in my hand and looked at my coffee wobbling a bit.

"I am really, really sorry you have had to go through this,"

"I missed you so much," I said, "I asked the universe so many times to bring me back,"

"And here you are,"

"I'm not mad at you,"

"Thank you,"

"Can we sit in your bed and talk like we used to?"

"Let's go. Would you like to change into a tshirt?"

"Yes please,"

"Go and take your pick. I will be up in a couple of minutes, I am gonna tell Ash and Luke if that's okay?"

"Obviously. I wanna see them!"

"Then we will!"

I went upstairs to his room and searched for my favourite tshirt to wear, but it wasn't there, not even in the wash. I thought maybe it would be in my room, if it still existed, so went next door to that. Dad's house was cosy, but fit us both nicely and had space for gatherings.

To my surprise, my room was untouched pretty much. It had been tidied, but my favourite tshirt was on my bed, so I changed into it. It was weird to be back here. It was my room but it didn't feel like my room. Other than the fact that it was designed by 12 year old me and hadn't been decorated since, it was nice, but it was weird to be back.

"There you are,"

"You kept everything?"

"Uh, yeah. I slept in your bed sometimes," he said sheepishly, "Smelt of you,"

"I didn't have anything,"

"Yeah. Maybe we can talk about what happened... maybe tomorrow,"

"Sounds good,"

I took my coffee back and we went to his bed, climbing under the covers. It sort of felt unnatural to rest on his side, but I fit like a glove so I knew it would eventually feel normal.  The smell of his house was overwhelming me too, but it hadn't changed and I was savouring being able to smell it.

"So... you have a boyfriend, you do cheer, what else?!"

"Theatre,"

"No way!"

"I am the lead,"

"That is amazing. I will have to come and see,"

"I would really like that,"

"What is Link like then?"

"He is the best. He plays football, he wants to be a doctor, and his family are mega rich so he buys me coffee every morning,"

"He looked after you then huh?"

"Yeah. All my friends did, I can't wait for you to meet them,"

"We can have them round whenever you want. I know it has been a while but this is your home too, everything is still the same,"

I nodded and smiled, but I think I made it obvious it didn't feel the same because he wrapped his arm round me.

"Wanna talk about it today or tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow. Tonight I just wanna be happy I am back here,"

"Alright,"

"Can I tell you some things you might be proud about?"

"I would love to hear,"

"I am a flyer in the cheer team,"

"Using your old gymnastics skills huh?"

"Yeah,"

"That is amazing," he said.

It made my body feel warm and my heart so full to hear him be proud. I had changed a lot since starting at my current school and it was sometimes so hard to keep going without the encouragement of a parents.

"You already know I have the lead. I have decided I wanna be a journalist,"

"Oh that would be fun!"

"Yeah. I struggle a lot with school but I got a B the other day in English,"

"Well that does make me very proud. That is a brilliant grade,"

"You think?"

"I do. You seem so hardworking,"

"Thank you for noticing,"

He laughed and I grinned, putting my empty mug down.

"That was a one off. I get Ds in a lot of things. Sorry,"

"You have been through a lot, I am just proud you go to school and get so involved,"

"Is everything the same with you?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Still in the ER, still friends with the guys, worked a hell of a lot more hours but I will bring them down again. Missed you a lot,"

"I tried to come back,"

"I know you did. We did our best while we were apart,"

"Maybe we could pick up our pizza night where it left off,"

"Tomorrow? With the guys?"

"Deal,"