proud// 5SOS

6

Calum

I laid stiff as a bone as Esme rested on my chest, asleep. We had been chatting until late and at one point she just fell asleep, and now I didn't know what to do. She was small, but I couldn't carry her or anything.

The most logical thing my brain could do right now was cry of relief. We had both been crying all evening.

When her mum and I split up, it was 50/50 and we made it work. We had fun together, and I made sure she knew home was her home, not a place to visit. Eventually, she moved in with me full time and it was the best few years of my life. Together we had created a home we loved, a life we loved, and she did okay at school, and had some friends. She wasn't crazy outgoing or anything but she was happy.

I will never forgot the sound of her cries as they took her that night. To this day it would still make me cry; my heart had been left with a gaping hole in. As her mum was literally an awful person nowadays, I thought maybe it would be a couple of months max. However, Esme kept running away and it sort of made the situation worse, which I didn't blame her for, but I wished someone had told her that she was extending her time there. It furthered the accusation that I was trying to pit her against her mum.

It was over a year in the end. I hadn't spoken to her for a year. It was so weird to have her in my arms, and I was pretty sure she felt the same. Relief, but it was weird. Clearly, she had reinvented herself and I was so excited to learn about her life, and where she was now, but I was mourning that year that I would never know my daughter.

When she was gone my life fell apart. I became depressed. My house became a state. I wasn't eating, going to work, barely even moving. I took leave off work and spent the days laid on her bed wondering how they could just take her. How could they take a young girl screaming like that?

My friends would come round and help. They cleaned, and cooked for me, even though some of the time they would all be downstairs eating and I would be in Esme's room. It took almost 6 months to get back to work fully, and get back into the routine of life, but there was a huge gap in my life and I knew she was literally in the town. Her new school was by my house. That was the worst part. It was like she was dangled in front of me.

But, she was back now and I was beyond excited. I only found out a short while before she came, and I had a whole evening planned with Mike. They really loved to uproot your entire life.

Carefully, I moved her off my chest but she woke up, looking up at me. She flinched, then smiled and made herself comfy on the pillow next to me- I guessed we were having a sleepover. I hadn't slept in a bed with anyone for ages, but I reckoned she hadn't slept alone for ages, so one of us had to adapt and I would rather it be me. I couldn't imagine the emotions she had been through.

It wasn't too bad, a bit too warm, but it was nice to wake up knowing my daughter was back with me. Since I woke up before her, I decided to go downstairs and make us breakfast and a coffee, then took it back up and gently woke her up.

"Good morning lovebug. I have breakfast and coffee,"

"Thank you," she said, her voice croaky, "Can we go to Link's and get my stuff?"

"Yeah, let's eat and we can go round,"

"Thank you,"

"Someone should be in,"

"Alright. Maybe we can go out later and pick up a phone, and some bits you need,"

"Yes please,"

"Okie dokie. Love ya,"

She smiled and bit into her toast, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Is everyone coming tonight?"

"I will ask them. Reckon there's any clothes in your wardrobe that fit?"