proud// 5SOS

18

Esme

"Money for later," dad said, passing me some cash, "Get Link's food yeah?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, go on. I hope you have a good time sweetheart,"

"Thank you,"

"Give me a text about 15 minutes before you think you might leave,"

"Jay can bring us home, it's okay,"

"Oh. Alright. Do all your friends drive?"

"Yeah," I said, hearing a honk at the end of the drive, "Bye,"

He grabbed me and kissed my cheek, then let me go, and I went down the drive to Jay's car; I got in the back and Clara turned round, smiling at me.

"Good morning!"

"Morning,"

"You look nice today," Jay said.

"Thanks, I woke up early, so I had time to do my hair,"

"Looks good," Clara said, "How was your night?"

"Let's not talk about my night,"

Promptly, Jay turned up the radio, and we drove to school where Link was waiting for me with a coffee. He gave me it, and wrapped his arm round my waist to walk me to class.

"Are you definitely coming to sleep tonight?"

"Of course. My bag is packed, I thought I could keep a toothbrush at yours?"

"Oh really?" I said, wiggling my eyebrows, "Are you gonna be a regular?"

"Yeah, I think so,"

"My room is a bit outdated,"

"I won't be looking at your room,"

"Your mouth is gonna get you in trouble one day,"

"Mmmm," he smiled, leaning down to kiss me, "But it hasn't yet,"

We sat down in class, his hand glued to my thigh. I had to admit, I wasn't usually too fussed about his clinginess, but today I rather liked it. Sometimes I felt like Link did a thousand times more things for me than I did for him.

He had his hair down today, and I always imagined we looked hilarious sat beside each other. He was still double my height sat down, and his hand literally fit over my thigh. It was so, fucking, hot, but I had to ignore that for the sake of my grades.

I met Clara for my next class, and at break we hung out with the cheer girls. Everyone was pretty excited for me that my dad was coming to watch, which was nice. I was excited too. We agreed to put the best show on that we could, although we were all self aware that I was the only one who could actually tumble, and most of the tumbling that occurred was me towards the floor.

We had pe, so all stayed together, then a few of us went for smoothies at lunch. I wished I could drive, but was happy everyone else let me leech off their ability.

"Smoothie? The most colourful thing you have ever drank," Link said, grinning as Clara and I joined them at their lunch table, "Have you eaten?"

"Not yet,"

"Was gonna ask if you had leftovers,"

"Buy yourself something new," I laughed, shuffling into his side, "Or have my mango. This smoothie was too much mango,"

He took them, and I ate the rest of my lunch, rolling my eyes at Clara when he put his arm round my shoulder. It always happened when we sat with the football friends, and Jay was no better. It was funny though.

We had double maths last, and then I had to quickly run over something for theatre afterschool, so Clara and Jay headed off before us. Link hung around outside the auditorium for me, then took my bag for me.

"Food is on me tonight,"

"You what?"

"Yeah,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Dad gave me money,"

"If you wanna keep it, I can pay,"

"No, Link. I wanna pay,"

"Okay. Well, thank you,"

"If there is spare change I'll get you flowers,"

He blushed, and opened my car door for me, then I climbed inside, shoving my bag by my feet.

"I had a good day today," I said, "Last night was awful, Uncle Ash is staying round to keep dad company... but today was good,"

"I like to hear that. Wanna talk about last night?"

"Mehhh... I have accidentally made dad feel like shit. We got a sleepover out of it at least,"

"I am sure it isn't your fault,"

"I dunno,"

"I dunno," he mocked, "You do know,"

"I am going round in circles saying it isn't the same as it was, but I am not doing anything about it. Dad is really depressed about it. I am miserable. Maybe it was better before I came back,"

"No it wasn't. You need your dad,"

"I can't feel the same anymore. You drive me to school, and you take me home, and you make me feel better. I hate sleeping there, and waking up there, and knowing we are upsetting each other for no good reason,"

"Well, maybe I should back off a bit... let your dad have a go at it all,"

"He doesn't feel like my dad anymore,"

"Yes he does,"

"He doesn't,"

"I think you and him need some time together. All you ever wanted was your dad,"

"Everyone keeps saying that,"

"It is true. It isn't hard to miss how much he means to you. I know it is a big change, but you two will get through it,"

"Okay,"

"He is coming to see your game tomorrow, and we have that barbecue this weekend. It sounds like he is struggling too, but we will support him,"

Before we went inside, I put one of Link's sweatshirts on, then we joined the others. Even that short talk with Link had helped... more than talking to dad did. I hated myself for it. Dad had dedicated his life to me, and I found myself feeling more at home with these people. The four of us sat round a table, eating shitty burgers, and drinking huge milkshakes laughing, but knowing we could cry on each other's shoulders. They had picked me up from the floor in the darkest time of my life and I was grateful for that forever.

It was a lucky issue to have, to feel at home with my friends and consider it an issue at all. Maybe I had two homes now. I needed to look at it that way, perhaps.

But with these people, I at least I definitely had one.