Fly ||Haikyuu Oneshots||

I'm Sorry-Nishinoya Yuu (1)

   You may have been the one girl Nishinoya Yuu didn't care about. You weren't exaggerating when you said it. It had been years since the Libero spoke to you, and it hurt. But, then again, you deserved it. You'd tried apologising to him for years. But it never seemed to turn out in your favour.

   There wasn't a day you didn't feel guilty. You didn't mean for...any of it to go as far as it did. It was a silly middle school prank, but that silly prank wasn't silly to him. You had royally screwed with his trust, and he didn't want to see you again. It was strange to think Nishinoya wouldn't want to speak to a girl, especially to his friends. The first time you'd reached out to him in high school, he completely ignored you.

   His friends had asked you what that was about, since Nishinoya had run off. The only thing you could manage to say was "it's not important".

   You had lied to them and yourself. And it didn't make you feel any better.

   You hadn't tried to talk to him after that though. There wasn't much of a point, if you were going to get shut down anyway. You had tried a few times, and every attempt was met with silence. You had talked with your friends about it a lot. They didn't care much about your moral dilemma, though.

   That may have been about the time you realised they weren't the greatest friends.

   You ditched them, silently praying that the action would make Nishinoya speak with you again. But it didn't. So now, you were just alone. You were left to wallow in your misery alone. Be guilty, all alone.

   With nothing to do, you would go back home much earlier than before. You would help out around the house, skilfully avoiding your parents questions about...literally everything you didn't want to talk about. Your hobbies didn't require you to be outside, so you typically would just work on your own projects in your room.

   You, most of the time, composed music. You couldn't sing as well as some big talents, but you were pretty good—enough to pass by with some autotune, but not so bad that you needed a lot of it—and you knew vaguely how the software to help you worked. You had practiced mixing tracks and sounds since you were little, and a way to pass the time on your computer. You loved playing instruments, both as a little kid and as a high schooler. A lot of the songs you wrote were pretty dark. It was your special way of venting your feelings.

You wrote under the alias SELf. You don't know why you picked the name. It just kind of came to you one day when you decided to post some of it. You needed to clear space, so you would upload some and put the uploaded songs on flash drives in case you ever needed them again.

   You'd started composing several months after it happened, but had only just started getting popular your second year at Karasuno. It was...nice to be gaining popularity. You would hear other students talking about SELf at school, even if they didn't know it was you.

   And so, such led you to the present, where you sat in your room thinking about what to write next. You wanted to try something a little different, but you weren't sure what. You were considered an Indie artist by most of your fans, which you were totally okay with. You typically had songs on the slower end, and this time you wanted to try a faster song.

   "How much faster can I make it before it just becomes rushed...?" You asked yourself. "I mean, I guess it depends on what I want to make the song about." You had exhausted a lot of your feelings about Nishinoya at this point—at least all the negative ones. You had written about guilt and lonelyness a lot. No one had ever told you that wasn't good, in fact most of your fans resonated with the lyrics a lot.

   You could ask what people think. You had made a social media account under your username on YouTube once people started to follow you more. It wasn't uncommon for you to make a post of two vaguely about new songs. You had never really asked them about more upbeat songs—not that you would right a happy love song. You could always use happy themes under a sadder tone. It was your trademark at this point.