Oddinary [Stray Kids]

24

Chapter twenty-four: Breaking his heart

With small, shy steps, the blond walks towards the older whose back is in display. Felix's body is slightly sweating and his eyes hold back salty, sparkling tears. He takes a big breath in before sitting down next to the man, closing his eyes once being beside him. The both of them silently enjoy each other's company before the blond decides to finally speak, anxiously approaching the subject he's been meaning to talk about for longer than he remembers.

"I need to tell you something." he begins, his voice low and raspy. You could tell by the way his eyes were of a bright red and his hands were constantly shaking. He's been crying, letting those tears he's been holding back the whole day, to finally fall onto his face. But now, he can't let them flow yet again. He can't show the older his tears. He doesn't want to make him feel worse than he already will after hearing Felix's thoughts.

"What is it, Lix?" he asks with a concerned look on his tired face, his eyebrows knitted together into a frown.

"I've been thinking about it a lot and I just can't wait to tell you anymore." he says with his gaze fixed on his hands, his fingers clumsily fidgeting with one another. "You told me you loved me a week ago." he utters with a small smile plastered on his face, his sight still stuck on his hands. After the words leave his mouth, the older slightly widens his eyes and looks at the one beside him. One side of him thought the younger would be confessing his feelings now. But that was so far from what he was actually doing. "It sounded so strange, yet so beautiful." the younger says before looking at Christopher, his gaze softening even more at the sight. "I wish I could..." he begins but closes his mouth and sighs, moving his gaze back to his hands once again. "say the same thing to you." the blond finishes his sentence in a quiet voice, almost inaudible to the older. A couple of seconds of silence falls upon the two before Felix continues his small, heartbreaking speech. "But I can't say it. I'm so sorry, Chris." a sigh leaves his lips once again before bringing himself the courage to finally look the blue haired man in the eyes. "I can't love you. I wish I could. I really do. I tried forcing myself to do it, thinking it will eventually work. What a stupid thought of mine. I can't tell you how much I hate myself for leading you on. I made you care about me, love me in the way no one ever did. And I'm sorry. I can't give you the love you deserve. I just can't." a small, almost unnoticeable tear escapes one of his eyes.

The older smiles sadly at the picture of the one he loves so much, crying. It's almost as beautiful as Felix's starry eyes and freckled cheeks. Even him crying brings Christopher a smile to his face. Just his presence is enough for the older to feel happy and comforted. "Felix..." he mutters before wiping the tear from the blond's face with his thumb. "I love you and I will always say and feel it. I can't force myself to erase it just like you can't force yourself to feel it. But even though I will forever feel this love for you, don't ever worry about me getting hurt by it nor your words...nor by the fact that you don't feel the same way. You letting me love you is the best thing I can ask for. I can't force you to love me and I really wish you didn't do it to yourself either. You should've told me you didn't feel the same. And not for me but for yourself. I can only imagine how hard it must've been for you to hide all of that inside." he says quietly, the sound of his delicate voice bringing Felix some sort of comfort he never thought he would feel. His hand was lingering on Felix's cheek, carefully caressing it, as if he'd break.

"Are you not mad?" the blond asks in a small voice with his eyes still full of tears that threaten to leave any time soon.

"Why would I be mad, Lix? There's no reason for me to get mad at you." the older utters as he pats the other's back in a comforting way.

"Chris, I love someone else. How is that not annoying you one bit?"

"Oh? Who's that?" the man says with a grin on his face.