𝕋𝕣𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕖𝕕 ~Amazing Digital Circus x Reader~

Learning

I knew it. He really wasn't okay, and he finally admitted it. But now what? How do I...help him? And why do I want to help him? All he's been was a b[%$#@]tch to me, so why do I care? It's probably because I secretly do care. I just would hate to admit it because of how awful he can be sometimes.

"I feel that," I finally speak after minutes of awkward silence. "Wanna talk about it?"

Jax looked at me for a moment, he seemed to be trying to figure out if I'm pitying him or not. Or if I'm even genuine.

"Why would I talk about it? All you asked was for the truth. You never asked for an explanation. You don't need one. Just use your imagination to figure out why I'm not okay."

"No," I scoffed. "I want a direct answer. According to Pomni, we can f[%$#@]ing abstract if we lose it. I'm not having anybody 'lose it' under my damn watch. Please, tell me what's wrong. I'm not treating you any different from the others, all because you can be a b[%$#@]tch sometimes. Jax, don't lie to me or force me out of your room. That won't help either of us."

Jax's eyes widened, yet he stayed silent. He didn't know how to respond to me whatsoever. I don't blame him though. Maybe he's not used to kindness at all...if that really is true, wouldn't that be an awful reality to live in?

"Are you...okay?" I wondered. His silence was speaking volumes. All I want to do is help, yet he seems to be either quiet or dismissive.

"I don't need your help," Jax finally stated. "I don't need anybody's help. I can do [%$#@] on my own."

I crossed my arms. "I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's wrong. I want to help and I don't need you to act like some kind of moody teenager."

"Nobody ever wants to help me. I can deal with [%$#@] all by myself. Don't pity me."

"I'm not 'pitying you.' I want to help. Just like any friend would."

"Friend," Jax repeated. "When were we ever friends?"

"Do you count me as a friend? Or would you rather have us be distant strangers?"

"...I might need somebody to talk to...so being friends works..." He muttered under his breath.

"Hm? Could you repeat that? I couldn't hear you," I teased. Jax glared at me while I grinned.

"We can be friends. There. Does that make you happy?" Jax taunted.

"Yes. Very. Is there anything you want to talk about right now?"

"I'm just...tired. I guess. Everybody collectively hates me, and frankly, I really shouldn't care. But it does get under my skin sometimes."

"That's understandable," I sighed. FINALLY! He opened up about something. Though, I did feel bad for him. It must be lonely knowing that everybody hates you.

"Don't act like you understand. Everybody loves you."

"But I can least try to empathize, can I?"

"Sure. Are you just here to have small-talk, or can you finally leave?"

"I can leave if you're just going to force me out anyways."

"Shoo-shoo," Jax huffed as he pushed me out of his room and closed the door behind me. At least I got something out of that rabbit.

There was a chuckle next to me. I looked next to me, and it was Zooble.

"Trying to reason with that jacka[%$#@]?"

"I'm just trying to see why he's such a di[%$#@]."

"Hm. Trust me, we've all tried to reason with him. He never budges. I guess you didn't hear anything useful when it comes to that purple rabbit?"

I shook my head. Sure, he told me some things, but I doubt he'll want me to tell anybody.

"Yeah, don't even try, newbie. It's a lost cause."

With that, Zooble leaves me dumbfounded. I sigh as I begrudgingly head to my room. I felt bad for everybody here--if I were honest. Nobody seems happy with this "new life," and they're all coping differently.

Pomni is in denial, and jumpy. Ragatha checks up on everybody, and thinks about everybody besides herself. Jax is cruel to everybody and eats too much--I've noticed that all he does is either act like a di[%$#@], or he excessively eats. Gangle masks her feelings, or it comes out like a waterfall--hence the comedy and sad mask. Zooble simply hates everything and just wants to get sh[%$#@] done. Lastly, Kinger, spaces out frequently and gets lost in his own thoughts too much.

While for me? Trying to solve everything I can. Maybe I just don't want other people's lives to be sh[%$#@], even though my own life is sh[%$#@] at this point. Maybe I am on the Ragatha side of things; trying to fix everybody's issues. Even if they're completely unfixable. Though, I wouldn't call myself "motherly," like she is. Just a therapist friend. Therapist. Is that all people see me as? Is that why they "all love me," according to Jax?

I don't know, but I don't want to think about that right now. I just want to go to bed and hope that tomorrow will be a good day...if any day is even good whatsoever. Though, tomorrow will be my first ever show I'm going to be a part of, which does make me excited.

Maybe tomorrow won't be so bad after all...but I am worried about Caine's "adventure" he's going to force us to play tomorrow. But whatever. I'll just go along with it and help people out along the way.

That's the only thing I'm good at, anyways...

~~~

Hey guys! I hope you liked reading this chapter, since it was kinda difficult to write, because Jax's personality can be hard to pinpoint, just like Pomni's personality is. But I tried my best writing it, so I do hope it was at least a bit worthwhile to read! With all of that being said, I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day <3

-Sincerely, CB