𝐁𝐔𝐍𝐍𝐈𝐄

16

Today's just a regular Wednesday, but all the focus is on me. Only a few hours before I have to go back to the club and all its newfound weirdness, and less than a few hours for me to catch some z's.

I'm running on air.

NJ, M, and I sit in the humble living room of my townhouse apartment, papers spread out around us, more numbers than I can calculate, and some sort of device that M claims keeps people from tracing her online whereabouts.

"Yes. But if we take a dividend from there, the accounting department will..."

I tune M out as she murmurs to herself, a cup of coffee cupped in her hand as she stares at the work. NJ was in the kitchen, almost too comfortable there looking for snacks I've already told him I don't have. And there's me sinking into my couch, trying not to look as depressed as I feel.

Every 'what's wrong' feels like a stab in my heart, and a dagger to NJ's back. He's so wholesome, and new, and positive, and everything about Dieson is the exact opposite. So why is he still on my mind, then? Is it because we fucked and me and NJ haven't? NJ's just a friend, but any day now I feel like he'll confess that he has feelings for me, and then I'll have to let him down gently.

Stay friends with him so that my debt can be relieved or go for Dieson, such a far stretch from what I need to indulge in.

"You alright, Court?" he asks from the kitchen.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," I rub my forehead, "Ima go and take a walk right quick. I'll be back."

"Okay," he says, giving me a strange look.

I leave the crib, arms folded across my chest as I pace in front of my door. This is a tough predictament, one I never expected myself to fall into.

"You good?"

Not much later, M peeked her head out of the front door, another cup of instant coffee in her hand.

"Yeah. Well...no," I honestly admit, accepting the mug from her.

"I think we have...the funds for what you wanna do," she adds, looking around a bit nervously like the wrong person might overhear. "But now's the moment where I need you to be completely transparent with me about where this money is going. What club are you working for, Courtlynn?"

I ground my foot into the cement, liking the crunching noise it created underneath my thinly soled shoe. We've gotten this far, I have to tell her.

"Club Chiara," I whisper.

"Okay," M only nods, face neutral and blank. She might not have ever heard of it before, or maybe she's putting on a poker face for me.

"I once," she stopped speaking, a frown replacing her words, "That sounds familiar, but I don't know why."

"Maybe a lot of Oared kids go up there to club," I shrug. I've never recognized anyone in the crowds before, but that very well could be the case due to the proximity we have with the city.

"Nahh. Most Oared kids go to the clubs down in Houston or Dallas. We usually go to parties over at the HBCU around the corner, shit like that. If Oared kids do go to Chiara, it's usually not many," she shrugs.

"Didn't place you as a party animal," I chuckle, warming up to M.

"Ahh, well," she laughed, "When you have a strict mother, you gotta spread your wings and get off the ground once you're in college. Otherwise you'll be trapped in their mental cage all your life."

"Why does that place sound familiar?" I question, sipping some of my coffee slowly.

M only shook her head. "Not sure, but...when I think of it, I got you."

I decide to go back inside, the weight of telling someone my secrets easing me up a bit. Would M tell NJ where I work? Should I have asked for a bit of confidentiality in that moment? We're back in the townhouse, and now it feels too late. M goes back to the couch and NJ is nowhere to be found.

I search for him, not a hard task to do since the place is so small, and find him in the doorway of my bedroom.

"Nice, uh, place. Right?" he awkwardly says.

"Do you wanna...come in?" I ask hesistantly.

I sit on my bed and he stands in front of me. Things happen too quickly, and suddenly NJ's holding my chin up, his eyes the same color as my dark coffee as he takes in my face.

"Court, I can't keep denying how I feel about you-

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

-I want you and I hope you feel the same way?"

"NJ," I gently remove his hand from me, "I love the sort of tension we got between us, but I think we're worlds apart."

"We won't be for long," he states, "Once your debt is gone, you don't even have to go back to that city."

But NJ? Could I see myself with him? His different background, different view of life, his squeaky-clean personality? I should want the good guy, the one who hasn't hurt me. Why's my heart so stubborn?

"What are you askin' me," I shake my head, "What are you tellin' me, NJ?"

"That I want you to be mine, and I wanna be yours," he gives me a little smile.

My eyes flutter downwards towards his hand holding onto one of mine. Men always hurt you, they never stay, and they always cheat. If that sentiment hasn't been drilled into my head from multiple sources throughout my life, then I don't know what has.

But when I look up at NJ, I don't believe that he could do any of those things. I can't believe that he's like the other's.

"Okay," I say quietly, "Alright."

NJ embraces me, my chest pressed against his.

I stay on the bed, hugging back but my mind faraway.

"I know you have to work and we're all focused on what M's doing, but...I was wondering if you wanted to come with me somewhere Saturday. It's a surprise. Just dress semi-casual, okay?"

NJ's so giddy and I can't deny him; so I say yes to his question and he gives me the most adorable, boyish squeal. I know that I'll have to distance myself from Dieson at work, however that goes.

I have a new man to focus on, and he'll be mine real soon.