fixed // luke hemmings

eighteen

"Dude, what the fuck did you do?"

Michael sits down opposite me while Ashton and Calum sit on the stalls, trying to talk to me. But I'm not saying anything. All I want to do is be alone.

"We're not leaving until you tell us," Calum says, firmly.

I grit my teeth and bang my fist on the table in anger.

"I made a mistake. And I can't fix it," I let out.

"We figured that. You told her about the drop out?" Michael asks.

I nod, not wanting to say anything else. Hearing them sigh, I decide to leave the room. I know I shouldn't have told her, but what else was I supposed to do?

"Listen, you guys need to go. I want nothing but to be alone right now,"

Standing out in hall, I remember what happened so I move to sit on the stairs, trying my best not to cry.

Calum shrugs to the other boys as they pass me, Ashton patting me on the back in sympathy. They leave the house and shut the door, not making a single noise.

Alex's POV

The first thing I do when I get home is prepare to put on a brave, normal face for my mum and Owen, but as soon as I make it to my room, I completely break down.

I put my music on loud to block out the sound of my crying. All I can think about is all the memories we've had together, laughing. Yeah, we've argued before, but only over the simplist and silliest reasons. Flashbacks quickly come to mind; the first time I saw him when he walked into the wrong classroom in year 4, when the girls would pick on me and he'd always be there in my defence, when he first saw my scars, when we both got in trouble for stealing food from school, the countless times I'd cried into his arms, when he sang to me, when he introduced me to the band, all the water fights we had in the summer.

Thinking back on these memories, I begin to smile, but then realising that we'll never experience them again, tears stream down my face, rapidly.

I'm angry, I'm so angry, but I'm not strong enough to forget anything. He's my favourite person in the world and I can't believe what just happened, but I'm so weak, it's difficult to stop crying.

Suddenly, I find myself reaching for my phone and scrolling through our past texts and calls, listening to his voicemails, going through my camera roll. I can't delete them, but I can't keep looking at them. I grab my laptop from underneath my bed and begin to transfer all my photos onto there. It's better than deleting them.

I don't know what to do about the voicemails and texts. As the photos are transfered, each one flashes onto my laptop screen, so I decide to leave the room.

The bathroom is the best yet worst place I could be right now. But I lock the door and wipe my tears away, remove my make up and splash some cold water onto my face. Still, my eyes are red and swollen and my face is blotchy with tear stains. There's nothing I can do about that.

As I'm looking in the mirror, something shines in the reflection. I turn around and see the razor peaking out of my wash bag on the shelf. I head in it's direction, but before my hands can grip the object, I hear a bang on the door.

I step back and sigh, "What?"

"Alex, are you busy?"

"Nope," I say, opening the door and revealing myself to my mum.

"Owen is starting to sort his clothes out for holiday. Do you want to do the same?" she asks, more as an order.

"Yeah, okay," I say, thinking about our holiday in a few days.

She smiles, "Great, good. I'll be downstairs doing dinner,"

I just smile back and go back to my room, before turning off the music. The photos have finished downloading so I quickly shut down my laptop and delete all the photos and texts from my phone.

I need to live my life now. No more self harming. No more of being unsociable. No more being rude to the people closest to me. No more lack of friends.

But most importantly,

no more Luke.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

well fuck me

i guess you could say that this was "part 1" of fixed but idk i'm still keeping this story. the next chapter will be updated but not so quickly because i'm going to do it properly without rushing it.

i hope you enjoyed this chapter and i know it was short but idgaf okay adios !!