🚨please do not wish me no merry christmas. Excuse my editing🚨
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"Resh" Kami ♍️
Resh
I'm nervous and honestly, I got some nerve. I'm in my hometown after all...
I pick up the container of pastries. Looking at it makes me think of my grandmother and how much she loved with so much care... and food. It makes me smile.
The honey buns, just ain cutting it right now. I'd get my other fav, but nobody makes it like her.
"Hi!" I hear.
I jump and almost drop em.
"Woahhhh-"
"Sorry, sorry. Very good. Fresh. I made them this morning. Very sweet," this woman says.
She brown like me, but her hair is straight. She's dressed in yellow, gold, and blue with a red bendi on her forehead. Her hands have simple mehndi. I scope out her energy and her face. She's plump.
That's weird. She reminds me of my daadee; my grandma.
"Oh thank you. I know. It's gulab jamun," I smile.
Her excitement makes my smile go away.
Fuck... Resh. Be smarter. Now she finna be all in yo business. Yous a nigga-
"Ah, wow! You say gulab jamun like you've been saying gulab jamun all your life. Great!" She smiles.
I can't help the awkward smile that comes.
She's so hype. Like my girl...
"Um, yeah..." I respond.
She raises her hands to my face.
"You're Indian?" She asks.
Ahhhhh.
"Ahhhh," I stall real nonchalantly.
She gasps.
"You're American. First generation? No, can't be. At least second or third," she pries.
"Ma'am thank you so much. I just want to-"
She grabs my arm and pulls me to the register.
"It's okay to be American of course. Is your family mixed up? You know love is love?" She spills.
"Funny that you say that," I laugh, thinking about Sea.
"Are you gay?" She looks me up and down in shock.
Damn lady in my shit ain you?
"No quite..." I grab my neck.
It's a special word for it I think. Wait... why the hell I keep talking?
"My second cousin on my fathers side is as big as you, but his mother is Sri Lankan and Ethiopian. He could eat a hole through a table if we let him," she says like her words are normal as fuck.
I bust out laughing loud as shit, missing how my friends picked on my size back at Lotus.
Oh... so you cool wit the the niggas then? The negritos. The Dravidians?
I get more comfy.
My grandma would like you.
"I have to second that," I add.
She takes in breath again, then looks at me.
"Do you... have any family? All Americanized?" She asked mad bluntly.
"Um... my mom left when I was young. My dad, he left me with his mom, then dipped too," I explain shit that I don't really say out loud often.
Sea knows... a little bit.
She swats at me with the sari that drapes around her.
"I'm so sorry. Thank god and goddess for her. Your grandmother... you don't honor her traditions?" She asks with sad eyes.
"I try. I cook. I love cookin. I love eating. I used to pray- I'm getting back into though," I blurt out the end when I start feeling guilty.
Something in me runs away from facing what my past actually did to me and what my past is still doing to me know. The woman's hyper energy cools down a lot, a lot, a lot. She asks me something in Hindi.
"No, but I can understand you," I hold my hands up, surrendering, to show her I'm really not great at all.
Sadness and concern creeps up on her, almost like she's decoding me or at least trying to.
"You don't have family? Your grandmother isn't with us?" She asks if my grandma is alive.
"No, daadee passed," I explain.
If it wasn't for Lotus, I'd be in prison or sumn for real.
She holds the pastries in her hand like they're much more precious to her now, then sets them down. She bends down for some time, then stands up straight with her eyes appearing to be much happier.
She grabs my face and closes her eyes. My eyes close on their own, feeling real childlike as her positive motherly energy seems to heal something in me against my will.
I feel her touch my forehead.
"Bless you baby. What's your name?" She holds my face.
I open my eyes.
"I was given a new name. Resh... Resh is my name. It's the head, a leader... the symbol of choosing between greatness and degradation," I get a lil choked up for some reason.
She lets me go. I notice the blue on her fingers, then instantly catch a glimpse of myself in a window's reflection.
She marked me.
"Here," her voice comes out very soft.
She smiles as she hands me the sweet dough I've been craving.
"Here. Enjoy... and do come back. Bless you," she says.
Pulled this outa my- frfr the spirits wrote this. If it irks you, that's on you. Go argue wit yo friends or sumn.
On the other hand. Thank you 🥴. I'm very happy with this. Much needed paths we will be continuing to explore. LONG ASS BOOK 😛
