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"Koi" Greyson ♐️
Koi
He puts his hand on my chest and stops me in the middle of the hall. I look at him with a straight face, then look behind him at Marshal's door.
It's so close... get off me.
"You're breathing too much fire now,"Grandmaster says.
I try to keep walking, but he adds more strength to his push.
Move. Keep moving Koi.
He laughs in my face. I size him up.
"Are you going to listen to me or that shadowy mist?" His words make my eyes go wide.
How do you know about that?
I harden up, angry that he knows about what I go through in and outside of my head.
No one knows about that... I never ever told anyone: not one soul, not one fish, not one flower.
"I don't want you to kill that side of yourself nooo," he tells me what I already know I can't do.
He moves his hand to my shoulder while staring me in my eyes, looking through me, mine still putting up a fight.
"Let me see, Marshal. He's mine," I stand there in front of Grandmaster determined.
I bow quickly.
"Please," I beg.
I can feel Marsh. He's weakened and worried.
"I'll take care of Marshal. I'll be taking him into my living quarters. You will meet with him again in due time. Sea and Resh will help him eventually. You will still train him," he says.
"I just want to-"
"No... and I'm sorry that hurts you," he says.
My lower self speaks to me, wanting to be comforted, and wanting to be in control of what I love the most.
It pisses me off. I look him up and down.
"You sure old man?" I struggle keeping myself together.
"You're battling me?" He looks at me.
I keep my voice quiet.
"Damn fuckin right. Sea is gone... Resh is gone-"
"Sea and Resh broke the rules and you don't agree with my choices," he says like a statement and doesn't ask like it's a question.
I get real close to him, so close I'm sure he can feel my breath.
"You fuckin right I don't... if you would have stepped in and handled it from jump, it wouldn't have gotten this bad," I buck.
He doesn't back down. I keep talkin.
"Sea and Resh are getting punished while weird ass selfish mufuckas get to roam free-"
"If I intervened... if I intervene... the unworthy wouldn't fall from grace permanently! If I intervened, areas within my chosen would not be strengthen and explored... and divine friendship... and divine love wouldn't be developed and owned-"
"I get it!" I start spazzing out.
He starts yelling at me, but speaks slowly.
"You have heard me say these things! You have integrated many of my principles, but still you do not get it! If you all had gotten it, me and you wouldn't be having this conversation Koi Greyson! If you all had gotten it, Sea and Resh would still be here! Your dark and your light need to make choices together not separately... and I will let all of you crumble until you figure it out. I would die right now... if that's how it's meant for you all to figure things out. Lotus is in your hands... in Resh and Sea's hands. Lotus 147 is in your hands Koi," his eyes water.
Energy shoots through my chest. I wince a lil bit and break eye contact with him. I can't speak. I can't say anything. I can't do anything, but think.
My eyes water.
"I told Marshal I would fix it," my voice strains.
"Give up if you want to. Break your contracts; sign your disclosures agreement and give up. You have free will. Work on it in the next lifetime," his words shock me.
He looks around before looking back at me.
We're alone.
"Since Marshal arrived you have been experiencing new mountains. Even if you don't choose your destiny, I wish your navigation well," his words break bits of my armor down.
I look away, overstimulated in bad way.
"Do you understand?" His old voice cracks.
Him showing emotion pushes me into a different time. I become more grateful for him as I remember who he is.
He's Grandmaster... he's my teacher. He's my granddad basically and the only high parental figure I have left in my life. If I gave up, I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
I remember my first failures and my first successes, mostly all guided by him no matter if he was far or close. When I make eye contact with him again. His energy is warmer.
He pulls me to him and hugs me tight. I realize that I needed a hug. I realize that I needed it from him. I rest in how powerful and comfortable receiving a hug for him is.
I grip onto him like there's more of him to grab. Me feeling less lonely for a moment deepens my love for the honorable peers I do have. It grows my appreciation and perceptions of my boyfriend...
"Sea," is all I can say.
"I know," he says.
"Resh too-"
"They have their own things to handle and learn. Just like you. Just like Marshal," he brings forth more that I already subconsciously knew.
I told Marshal I would fix it... I promised.
Breaking up chapters into multiples. Whewwwwwww. Anyways hiiiiii. Don't forget to spend that holiday bread at iamwinklebottom.com ;)
