Koi ࿊ Martial

Our Worlds

"Sea" Gazella ♓️

"Resh" Kami ♍️

Sea

He answers the phone fast as fuck.

"Hey," I get out first while rubbing my finger tips over his necklace.

"Wait, wait, gimme a sec mamas," he rushes out.

The moment gives me time to go through my thoughts and feelings yet again.

...my bad. It's always my bad.

I hear some shuffling on his end. After, he starts speaking again.

"You okay?" He asks.

I start putting as much as I can out there.

"I just couldn't say anything. Sometimes I don't say anything Resh and it can be bad... but I couldn't say anything. I could only do... then come back and say. I felt terrible and I just couldn't speak to you. My body just couldn't speak to you even though I wanted it to-"

"I understand," he tries.

You don't understand. I'm being honest... but honestly... no the fuck I'm not. You don't know I'm not at Lotus. You don't know I told Grandmaster about us.

I pour my heart almost all the way out.

"I want you to know I consider you all the time. Every since the giant mistakes I made, I've considered you as much as I know how. I'm working on my own beliefs and fears and that's why I didn't say anything," I explain.

I just couldn't say anything. Shit, I'm still not saying everything!

"Do you know why I love you?" He asks, a lil low like he's in public.

I keep silent. Bits of me still can't believe I have him still.

I can't believe I kept you. I can't believe you kept me. I can't believe you didn't throw me away.

He laughs a lil bit before speaking.

"I... love... you... because you deserve to be loved," he says with humor, light heartedly.

My trauma makes me tear up. My love for him makes me cry quietly with my phone against my ear.

I'm really not a good girlfriend-

"I love you because you deserve to be loved by me," he says.

"I'm still learning to love, and accept your love; I promise I'll consider you more and more with everything I do. I didn't ghost you, I promise. I had to take care of some very important things... some very important feelings, so I wouldn't accidentally drag us down again," I confess without confessing it all.

"You never dragged us down... even with things that hurt me the most. If were ever down it's temporary. We're stronger and we're strengthening. It shows itself every time. I have faith. I have compassion for you... even with all the wild shit and the misunderstandings, they always add to our value once we resolve it. Your greatness outweighs those moments. I ain no fooly ass nigga Sea. There's a reason why I chose you, choose you, and don't give up on you. Only a dumb ass nigga would lose the chance to be with their special person. I know the difference between a woman with extreme toxicity and a woman healing from trauma. I ain need Grandmaster to tell me you were mine and meant to be mine," his words mute me.

I'm speechless. I don't know what to say. All I can do is feel.

"Trust me I have boundaries and standards.  I understand you so much more and I know you so much more. You deserve me in your corner. I deserve you in mine," he adds.

Resh

It's so much on her. There's so much on me right now, but I'm not Sea. I'm emotionally tougher.

I'd be insensitive to blame her for not answering me for not even fuckin twenty for hours.

She just got jumped by some rat ass niggas and we just got ripped apart. That's selfish as shit to go pointing the finger at her. She's dealing as best as she can.

"I love you so much. Words can't even describe it. That's on my life, Resh," she's takes a deep breath.

I smile hella big and look around so nobody won't see my big ass simpin over her.

"I owe you the world. Ima give you the world. I swear to god," she says.

My stomach gets all warm while I think of all we have. Sadness comes too.

I miss her.

My next words make me crave being around her even more.

"I don't want the world. I just want you. You're my world."

Hmmm. Baby chapters. Thoughts? This has BEEN written. I could talk some more shit rn, but I'm not :)