Heartbeat

Chapter 28

"It's not your fault" Napatingin ako sa babaeng nakatayo sa harapan ko ngayon. Nakaupo ako sa bench sa rooftop ng hospital. Nagulat ako ng makita ko si Hanna. Nakangiti siya sa'kin pero pansin na pansin mo ang lungkot sa mga mata niya.

"What do you want?" Tanong ko dito. Narinig ko siyang bumuntong hininga at umupo sa tabi ko.

"Kanina kapa wala sa sarili, I ought to check if you're doing okay or not" aniya, tumingin ako sa kanya pero nakatingin lang siya sa malayo.

"Do you remember when I said that hospital is a threat for me" She added.

"This is why, but at the same time it is also a peace for us especially if we save a patient" dagdag pa niya at tumingin sa'kin.

"It's not always your fault, Craige, you might think it is but it's really not your fault" She added more.

"Being a doctor, simply means accepting the fact that a patient may die, but it's not your fault. It will never be, people live to be like that anyways" she added more again and took a deep breathe.

"Do you remember manang ester?" Tanong nito, naalala ko bigla si manang, pumupunta ako sa kalenderya nila pero lagi kong hindi nakikita si manang.

"I visit her often, pero lagi naman siyang wala" Saad ko at tumingin sa kanya. She took a deep breath before staring into my eyes.

"She passed away 5 years ago, Craige, Sa loob ng limang taon sinisi ko ang sarili ko, I was the Doctor assigned to her. I already tried everything I can pero Wala, Hindi ko siya nailigtas, I blamed myself for that, I always ask myself if I was doing better, if I was a good doctor, in which part did I mess up" She said. Kaya pala, now it makes sense.

"Pero habang tumatagal, I realized that people would lead to that" She added.

"And you should remember that your duty is to try and save them not to fully same them. Hindi mo na kontrolado kung kusa ng bibigay ang katawan ng isang tao, A doctor has a limit with everything" she added again at ngumiti sa'kin.

"Ang dami mong sinabi" Saad ko, I gave her a smile while looking at her.

"Thank you, Frankly, matagal na ako sa hospital but I was not use to it." Saad ko at tumawa.

"The same goes for me" Aniya at tumawa din pabalik.

We had a little chit chat and it already feels so different as if it was a new person in front of me.

2 months

It's been 2 months since Hanna became part of our department, I hate to admit but I was slowly becoming friends with her. We hang out often, and after operations we would eat lugaw just like the old times and it makes me scared, what if she's married? Well there should be a ring on her hands but there wasn't. Or what if she has a boyfriend, but I could have seen it in her socmed. I don't even know if I only see her as my colleagues cause as far as I know I don't look at my colleagues the way I look at her. Ever since we talked at the roof top, I became comfortable with her, and I know that in a short time I can no longer hide what I really feel.

"Doc." Rinig kong tawag sakin, napatingin agad ako kay Hanna, hearing her calling me doc felt different, it's like my first time being called.