In love with my best friends sister/in love with my brothers bestfriend

going back to hydra

bucky's pov
i knock on the door and try the doorknob and told j.a.r.v.i.s to unlock it and he told me that y/n told him not to unlock it until she was done. after a few more minutes i heard the door unlock i open the door and look all around the room and can't find y/n anywhere and i run downstairs and everyone looks at me and asks whats wrong. i look at steve and say THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT YOU CALLED HER A MONSTER AND NOW SHES GONE. i go back up to the bedroom and look on the bed where i find a note. i sit on the bed and read it.

dear bucky
im sorry i left without you knowing but i couldn't stay anymore knowing that my own brother saw me as a monster so i went back to the only place that didn't see me as a monster i went back to hydra im sorry again take care of rebecca for me please i love you and i always will if you decide to come find me you know where to find me but make sure steve isn't with you and make sure rebecca isn't either.
love your forever y/n
i put the note down and run downstairs and everyone looks at me. she went back to hydra we need loki and frigga we need to go after her. ok well lets all suit up steve said. no she said she didn't want you to go after her so you are staying here with rebecca and watching her. a few minutes later loki frigga and thor all show up. ok now lets go find her.

y/n's pov
a few hours later and several train rides i finally reach the hydra base where i became the winter widow. the siberian base i walk in and it looks like it's been abandoned so i walk in further and find the control room and go in and turn everything on and then i start to walk around again i go to mine and bucky's old cell and walk in and see all of our old things including my dogtags i grab them and run my hand along the cell wall until i feel an engravement on it i lean down and look at the wall and see bucky's writing it says if you ever come back here it means someone called you a monster or something but please leave this place doll and come back to me.
i look away from the wall and look around and look through our old stuff when i find my old army uniform bucky's dogtags and rebeccas old ultrasound i pick it all up and carefully put it in my bag when i hear something in the base i hide in the corner of the cell under everything including the bed.
i hear footsteps come closer then i hear his voice i hear Rumlow's voice welcome home winter widow. i slowly come out from under everything and stand up. have you finally realized this is where you belong. yes sir i have everyone out there sees me as a monster. well lets get started by removing that thing inside of you we can't have a pregnant agent. no i say and then start running because i realize that is what Rumlow wanted all along. i kept running until i ran into a room filled with more of mine and bucky's old stuff including stuff that i haven't seen since i was a child like the picture of me and bucky when we were kids pictures of me steve and bucky my old baby blanket all my old clothes including my old baby clothes bucky's old baby blanket bucky's old clothes including baby clothes. my eyes widened when i realize that the people we killed when we went on our first mission was our parents.
i drop to my knees when i heard fighting behind me i started crying because now steve will see me as a monster because i killed our parents. i hear the words hail hydra and look behind me to see Rumlow on the ground. i turn back around and then i hear footsteps behind me i just keep looking at the stuff. the person sit down beside me and i recognize the smell to be bucky i throw myself into his arms and start crying again. he ask me in a whisper why is all our old things here.
i look up at him and say because our first mission together we killed our parents bucky now steve will defintely see me as a monster because i took our parents away from him. oh bucky says. yeah i say. steve wont see you as a monster he will understand that you were not in control. maybe your right buck but maybe your wrong. but lets get this stuff out of here and get you back home doll rebecca has been asking steve where you went all day. ok i say and bucky helps me up then he presses something in his ear and within a couple of second everyone besides steve is there and helps us get the stuff in the jet.

an hour later

we get back to the tower and i run up to mine and bucky's room and go to the bathroom and shut and lock the door i go over to the bathroom sink drawer and grab my blades out. it has been two years since i last cut. im sorry bucky. i put the blade on my wrist and slice not to deep. i hear knocking on the bathroom door and i grab the butterfly tape and put it on the cuts and then i wrap it to make sure whoever is knocking cant tell that ive cut again.
i open the door after i have cleaned my blades and put them back in the drawer. i open the door and see bucky there looking concerned. what i ask bucky. did you cut again doll. no i had to pee is that a bad thing. no but steve wants to talk to you. ok i say and i walk downstairs.
steve comes up to me and hugs me and accidently hits my wrist. i wince in pain and bucky sees it because he pulls me out of steves hold and pushes my sleeves up. doll why did you lie to me about cutting again. im sorry bucky i just couldn't take it anymore my own brother will and does sees me as a monster because not only did i hit him in the nose but i also killed our own parents. i look over to steve and see him looking horrified.
i walk over to him and he backs up i look down guilty and say im sorry steve i didnt know it was them until i went back to the base just a few hours ago. i go down to the lab where tony and bruce are. hey tony and bruce say at the same time. i need a favor one that you will probably not have the solution to but i will ask it anyways. ok they say together. ok i need you to put me on ice again i don't deserve to live in this world im a monster so can you do this for me.
um well yeah we can but i dont know if it safe for the baby. oh ok nevermind then. well wait a minute we will call shuri and ask if it is safe. ok i will wait. about after ten minutes the science bros look at me. well what did she say. she said it was safe and that if the person had trigger words they would erase those word forever.
ok so lets do this then because i don't deserve to be in this world after what i have done. ok then let me get the cyro set up. ok bruce i say. about five minutes later the cyro was ready for me and i step in. right as they close the door steve and bucky run in looking scared. doll don't do this, i need to buck i cant be in this world anymore without everyone looking at me like im a monster. turn it on bruce. bruce don't turn it on. bruce if you don't turn it on i will have tony turn it on because tony will listen to me.
bruce finally turns it on and i tell bucky im sorry before i fall into a deep sleep.