𝐹𝐴𝑁𝑇𝐴𝑆𝐼𝑍𝐸

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘-𝐒𝐈𝐗 : 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐄

None of this feels real. Like it's all something that I can wake up from. A lucid dream that I refuse to wake up from.

I'd gotten released from the hospital a few weeks ago and I'm still healing. Everything seems to be getting back on track but ... something feels surreal.

"Adonis!" My boss caught my attention abruptly—breaking me out my thoughts.

I looked around the room and gained mind on where I was again. Currently, we were discussing a world tour for my album.

I'm aware that I just got out of the hospital from a rather tragic event, but I'm not going to let that hold me back. I just take pain medication and go about my day. At an early age I matured my mind to follow one rule—and that was to not let things set me back too far.

Otherwise I would never come back.

"so we have the continents, I think you're a bit tired so we can finish this meeting later. the next thing we need to figure out is the setlist." He explained.

"got it, thank you." I said standing up and walking out of the meeting room without another word. I saw Javon leaning on the wall and stood straight as soon as he saw me.

Javon wasn't allowed in the meeting because technically your producer isn't supposed to be there for such meetings of importance.

"how did it go?" Javon greeted me as soon as I walked out. He leaned down and placed a kiss on my lips gently and I spoke, "it was alright, we got the locations set and things like that." I said in a yawn.

I've been in meetings for about a whole day now, all I ask for is rest at this point. He nodded in response and we started our way out the headquarters.

"baby I know you tired but...." He trailed off in anticipation. I looked at him slightly annoyed because truthfully I was dead set on going home and getting rest. "I want to take you somewhere." He said.

My silence indicated that I was carefully contemplating my decision. I could be an asshole and say no, which would get excused because I'm cranky. Or I could say yes and not be an asshole.

"fine." I said cracking a smile. His face lit up in excitement and he tugged my hand. "Okay lets go before the sun goes down!" He said ebulliently. He practically pushed me into the car and got into his side and started the engine.

"where are we going?" I asked. "can't tell you, but I can tell you that today is a very special day for the both of us." He said ambiguously.

"whats today?" I asked confused--my mind working on half a brain cell due to my exhaustion. "you've been booked and busy all day so I didn't really expect you to remember, but you'll see." He said as he pulled out of the parking lot.

I sat back in my seat in thought. Clearly today signified something extremely important but I've been working so much that I haven't remembered. I can't exactly get irritated because I don't know the severity of the day.

He drove for a good fifteen minutes before we entered a small area where golden lights were emitting from all sides.

I've been here before.

He parked in an empty lot and we both got out quietly.

"Deja vu?" He asked noticing my squinting eyes at the area. 

Everything about this setting was familiar. The weather wasn't rainy, a tad bit misty. The golden lights....and the rooftops. 

"c'mon, I don't want you to fall asleep standing." He chuckled to himself and took my hand. We walked through the place and I observed every detail. It was truly a beautiful setting, the properly decorated and kept up area glistened on pulchritude.

"this way," He said directing me into an alleyway. The alleyway had metal stairs on one of the sides of the buildings that led to the tall rooftop. "watch your step babe." He informed. We made our way up the metal stairs carefully as the steps weren't as sturdy as they looked.

"where are we going?" I asked as we were halfway up. "just trust me, Adonis."

I stayed silent for the rest of the way up and we stopped once we got to the top. The roof immediately gave me a sense of familiarity.

"ring any bells?" Javon asked--standing next to me. I looked up to him and he stared at me as well with a smile. "It does.....but I can't place my finger on it." I said honestly, still in thought.

We walked to the other side of the roof where the sunset was emblazoned across the sky beautifully. It was rare to get a view as good as this pretty.

"Javon, why did you bring me here?" I asked. He looked down at me and the golden lights reflected off his eyes perfectly. "Today is our anniversary!" He said with a bright smile.

All the memories then started to hit me at that very moment.

"Oh my god! I forgot. I'm so sorry-"

"It's okay baby, you were overworking and it slipped your mind. I'm not mad." He said. I reciprocated his smile and he pulled me in for a hug. "Now do you remember what this place is?" He asked. I looked up at him and met his eyes, "We watched the sunset together," I smiled.

"Mhm!" He said gleefully. We both looked at the diminishing sun continuing its cycle and broke the hug mutually. We walked to the end of the building and sat safely on the ledge. I rested my head on his shoulder as we sat comfortably watching the sunset into the night.

"This is where it all began, where we began." He rhapsodized. I took my head off his shoulder and looked at his side profile. He returned the look and I drowned myself in his eyes. Not in my wildest dreams would I have romanticized about having a man this amazing wrapped around my finger.

"c'mere," He said grabbing my hand and standing us both up. He stood before me looked down to my lips and bit his own. "do you remember what else we did that night?" He whispered and brought one hand to the smaller of my back.

I thought hard about what else and my mind rested on one significant memory.

our first kiss.

I looked at his lips and brought myself up to them. He returned the romantic gesture and won dominance against my tongue. He roughened the kiss and pushed me up against a wall to deepen himself in my mouth. His tongue explored every inch of my mouth and I moaned slightly.

I felt rain pellets start to pour gently as I stood there with him.

"Javon..." I moaned as he started attacking the sweet spot on my neck he was cognizant about. "talk to me, baby." He replied.

"I love you," I said in a gasp. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around him tightly as we embraced each other perfectly like a puzzle piece.

Me and Javon's love for each other is something I never thought could happen. It seems all like a dream. A daydream. As a child, I was convinced I would never be genuinely loved by a man. And of course, I believed that I would never be enamored with myself or anyone else significantly. But Javon proved that ridiculous belief wrong. I was once told by my own birth giver that I would be ostracized from everyone else because of who I am. And that I would be sent to live in a maze full of ambiguity and hatred from others.

Javon has taught me that beauty has to flourish within the light and can't be hidden in the dark and concealed by old beliefs implemented in my mind.

All of this felt like a strange dream that would be impossible to hold in my hands and now I have it. It isn't disenchanted in any way--if anything it's all I could ever ask for. It doesn't feel temporary in any way--like I'll wake up from it and my happiness comes to an end. It is like I'm living in the dream and I never wake up.

"I love you too, Adonis."

It all feels like a fantasy. A fantasy that is beyond fantasizing about.