The Wolf's Witch (book 1)

42. Taking it Slow

Kaitlin

My mind is spinning to process everything I heard at the dinner table. I never thought werewolves would have that many issues. From packs laundering money, secret assassinations not limited to poisoning, science experiments, arranged marriages to preserve legacies and climb sociopolitical ladders... Why would anybody dream and fight, at times to the death, to be the Alpha that had to meditate all that and likely more? After all, I might be allegedly fated for Sethan, but I doubt they weren't holding back a smidge or two of their dirty laundry since I was present.

I recall finding Sethan fuming behind my shop counter after I'd abandoned him on a cliff. He'd been away on some kind of a trip. If he'd been dealing with all this whilst I was pushing his buttons like that... I finally understand why he had called me a retard despite trying to hire me. It was like he was begging for a fight. He hadn't been thinking clearly. The mate ordeal had likely been messing with his mind as well. It was similar to how I suicidal I was being by entertaining any future, however short, with him.

I open my door and mumble, half to myself, "I hate politics."

Sethan steps in behind me, "I do too."

I turn and end up closer to him than expected. The warmth he's been radiating off multiplies and it feels almost as if I'm standing next to a fire. My mind races back to his large palm on my leg throughout most of the dinner. I'd barely been able to focus. Like then I find myself forcing the words out. Sethan does this all with his eyes. He's not even touching me this time. My voice comes out lower than intended, "But you're Alpha. You chose this."

Sethan's eyes drift half shut, "Doesn't mean I like everything about it."

I pause a bit uneasy but unsure as to why. He seems almost alien right now. No, human. Why did he seek it out? Why did he choose to stay in such a role? I remember his very trashed office the day he brushed Leon off on me... and that had only been Leon. There were many others and the many packs below him to drive him to his breaking point. In addition, the Marrok and whoever else was above him.

Now that I thought about it, my little adventure with Cupid and Elizabeth only took place because of him. If it hadn't been for Samhain, we would've died, trapped in the shed. When I subtracted Roman's reappearance into my life, I'd argue it's been rather dull. How much craziness would a life with Sethan entail? I already attracted trouble and had a hard time remaining in my beloved self made hole. The same one in which I'd jumped out off to get changed into a more presentable outfit for him. My bloodlust grew when others longed for death. Every time Sethan or one of his wolves would beast out...

I arrived at the same conclusion that we wouldn't work.

Not long term.

It doesn't matter what I want.

It never has.

Sethan bends and I fold my lips on top of each other. The idea that I him to do more than kiss me is scary. I'm suddenly too aware of the control he's gained over me. I don't like it one bit. I'm already mid step back when I excuse myself, "I'm going to get changed."

His eyebrows wrinkle unsure what to make of the distance created between us, "Mind if I stay?"

I hesitate but the memory of his tongue probing mine has replayed itself too many times. I didn't know remembering such a thing such a long so vividly was possible. It had taken place so long ago. I hate that I'm not opposed to the idea. Was he remembering it too?

A new thought enters.

What if we scratch this itch?

I spin in effort to hide my heating face, "Suit yourself."