My Boyfriends- A Polyamorous Love Affair

chapter 16

Phuwin stares at Pond while trying to process what the older has just said. He has no idea what to make of it, and he honestly doesn't know how to feel. Although one feeling is gnawing at his gut and that feeling is guilt.

Guilt that he had been so obviously so miserable that Pond had to take this step to ensure his happiness. He feels undeserving of Pond's love because Pond had put up with him and put his needs first to go and do this.

"I am sorry." Phuwin says softly, tears stinging his eyes. He really doesn't want to cry, but heavens this whole situation is shitty and he just feels incredibly tired.

"Hey! Hey! Why are you apologising?" Pond says in the softest tone Phuwin has ever heard and gently cups his face in the palm of his hands. Phuwin leans in on the warmth of Pond's palms and feels himself tearing up.

"I don't deserve you. I- I," Phuwin is full on crying at the moment and somehow can't get the words out.

"Phuwin. People are not deserving or not deserving of others. I love you, and I want you to be happy." Pond says softly, using the pad of his thumb to gently wipe away tears from Phuwin's cheek.

"I am happy with you, Pond. I love you." Phuwin says in a voice so small it almost sounds like a whisper.

"I know you do, Phu. I also know that you love Fourth. I also know that whatever relationship you two have is hurting you. When you hurt Phu, I also hurt." Pond says with a devastating amount of sincerity that it makes Phuwin tear up all over again.

"I don't want to hurt you. I never ever want to hurt you, Pond. Intentionally or not. I never want to hurt you." Phuwin says with great urgency. Because it's true, he loves Pond. A lot.

"I know, love. Just talk to nong'Fourth. Whatever comes out of the talk, I will accept." Pond says, pulling Phuwin into a hug.

"Mn," Phuwin says, clinging to Pond.

Phuwin knows that Pond is right. The situation has affected not only Fourth and him but others as well. Others they care for very deeply. It's just that he is scared and terrified if he is being honest with himself. He knows that Fourth and him can't simply be just friends. Pond also probably knows this, too.

Fourth makes him feel things...

With Fourth, it feels quiet. He feels calm and centred. He feels a stronger sense of security—and this is the surprising part of loving Fourth because he never felt as though his life was lacking before. 

Whereas with Pond,  there is the rush of excitement, the anticipation, the passion, the fun, the romance, the yearning.

Phuwin loves them both very much, equally yet differently. He needs the one as much as he needs the other in his life, and it is probably selfish, but he is finding it difficult to care about that.

He doesn't know how this whole thing will work out but he supposes a talk with Fourth is long overdue and it will probably hurt but he is willing to hope, to hope that Fourth loves him as equally as he loves him.

After a few days, he gets a text from Fourth to meet up at his apartment, and he agrees almost a little too enthusiastic.

He checks his outfit at least three times before he leaves his apartment, checks his hair at least twice and ponders on whether to wear cologne or not but decides against it because Fourth always told him he likes his natural scent.

He waits at least 10 minutes in his car outside Fourth's apartment to give himself a pep-talk. He spends at least 2-3 minutes before knocking on Fourth's door.

When he sees Fourth, it feels like all the air gets knocked out of his lungs. Fourth is beautiful, objectively beautiful but Fourth like this, make-up free, beautiful brown eyes that look like the colour of coal moments before the earth turns it into diamond, rosy pink tinted cheeks and cherry blossom lips.

"Hi." He says dumbly because all the other words are stuck on his throat.

"Hi." Fourth says softly, and his voice sounds so beautiful, and maybe Phuwin is pinning hard. So everything about Fourth at this moment is beautiful and breathtaking, and he can't seem to look away or even say anything at all.

"Please come in." Fourth says stepping out of the door to allow him entry, and Phuwin is thankful because he is pretty sure he would have stood there staring longingly at Fourth for god knows how long.

Phuwin sits on the couch. He really doesn't know what to say really. Not that he didn't spend the last several days preparing on what to say, he wrote it down, memorised it and went through it several times but somehow none of it seems enough and he can't get himself to say them. So once again, he stares at Fourth longingly.

"Hia Phuwin... so it seems we need to talk." Fourth says with a small smile, and he looks so pretty like this. Also, Phuwin is grateful that Fourth broke the silence because he doesn't think he would have been able to.

"Yeah. Yeah, it does." Phuwin says, and he can feel his mouth twitch into a small smile of his own.

Phuwin sees Fourth take a deep breath, probably to calm his nerves. He also notices that Fourth's hands are curled into fists on his lap.

"Hia Phuwin... please know that I don't blame you or even have bad feelings regarding your choice to end our relationship. I understand. It just hurt because you know I really love - loved you - and it will take a while, but I am pretty sure we can get to a stage in our relationship where we can be friends again." Fourth says, and it sounds so rehearsed, and Phuwin hates it. It doesn't sound genuine, and Phuwin hates it.

"I don't want to be just your friend Fourth." Phuwin says softly.

"Hia... Phuwin. Please don't do this." Fourth says weakly.

"I love you, Fourth. I love you selfishly. I want to be yours. Fourth, I want you to be mine." Phuwin says honestly.

"You know we can't be together.. " Fourth says weakly.

"Why not? We love each other, don't we?" Phuwin says, moving from his couch to kneel in front of Fourth, taking the younger's hands into his.

Fourth looks at him with glassy brown eyes, and he looks so beautiful that Phuwin wants to kiss him.

"You love me. I love you. So tell me, why can't we be together." Phuwin says softly.

"Because... P'Pond... Gem." Fourth says, voice unbelievably soft.

"We love them, right? And they love us. So we can make it work. We can love them and love each other." Phuwin says.

"We can make it work?" Fourth asks, his voice still soft.

"We can. We can definitely make it work." Phuwin says and gives Fourth what he hopes is a reassuring smile.

"It's going to be complicated." Fourth says.

"Probably. But we can make it work. Together." Phuwin says, feeling hopeful because Fourth didn't reject him.

"This is crazy." Fourth says with a small defeated smile, and Phuwin can feel his heart rabbit in his chest.

"It is. But I am crazy about you." Phuwin says shamelessly.

"And extremely cheesy, apparently." Fourth says with a small laugh.

"Only for you." Phuwin says and turns Fourth's hand to place a gentle kiss on the younger's palm.

"I love you." Phuwin says, looking at those beautiful brown eyes that were warm like freshly melted chocolate.

"I know." Fourth smiles, genuinely smiles with his eyes forming crescent moon-like shapes, and Phuwin feels like he might die right there and then.

And then Fourth kissed him. It was a gentle kiss. Fourth's lips brushed his, softly, delicately, like butterfly wings, just long enough that he could inhale his breath, feel the warmth of his skin, and the taste of his lips. 

"I love you too." Fourth says smiling.

"I know." Phuwin says with a smile before leaning in and kissing Fourth again.
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A/N: They will make it okay? I just want PhuwinFourth to exist, but I also want GeminiFourth and PondPhuwin! 🤷‍♀️