Define Ezria

Chapter 20

People often experience the I'm screwed moment. You know those moments you did or said something that messed things up so badly that havoc was the obvious result.

Or maybe it has nothing to do with you. You had no power whatsoever over the mess that is life. Whether it was a car accident or even cancer, the brain keeps on coming up with excuses.

You may still say it "I'm screwed" and even believe it, but the mind always gives you a way out of the problem. When you think your life is over there's always gonna be a small voice at the back of your head that keeps on making excuses.

That is at least what my mind did while I stared through wet eyelashes down at the two pictures.

Maybe he's bluffing. Maybe we can say that's my cousin. Maybe we can say the photos of me and Ezra lip locking are photoshoped.

But those were exactly what I wanted to hear as I kneeled in the middle of the school's hallway, clutching the papers. Excuses.

A hand on my shoulder made me jump. "Get up baby". I did so and allowed him to take the paper with the photos from my trembling hands.

"Now, Aria" he whispered "listen to me carefully. You're going to go get cleaned up and then go to your classes like nothing has happened. I want you to smile and make it believable. And when last period is over, I want you to come to my apartment. Okay?"

I gaped at him "How can you possibly be asking me that Ezra? Weren't you just here when that assh-"

"Do you trust me?" He cut me off, looking at me with a pained expression that got me thinking. After everything I've been through, after everything we've been through I did. Trust him that is.

"Yes" I spoke my thoughts and relief clouded his handsome face. I raised my hand to my face and found my cheeks wet, so without another word I made my way to the bathroom.

I spend the rest of the day smiling, joking with the girls and even blasting a smile at Noel when I passed him in the hallway.

On the inside however I was screaming. Screaming at me for not being careful. Screaming at Ezra for being who he is. Screaming at Noel for being such a pathetic human being and most of all screaming at the future that didn't seem so bright anymore.

I made my way to the apartment in a haze. A dreamlike condition when you're aware things are happening around you, but you can't bring yourself to blink away that blurry sheet of it's all good from your eyes.

When Ezra ushered me in and I saw, through the haze, that his eyes were red, I blinked. And suddenly reality set in and I felt like Atlas. Holding the weight of the entire world on my shoulders.

"I'm so sorry" I sobbed, taking a step back when he approached me. "This is all my fault"

He sighed and run a hand through his black curls, messing them up. "Yes it is".

I gaped at him, because yes it was my fault and yes he had every right to blame me but it still hurt.

"It's your fault" he went on " and it's my fault. It's our freaking fault. I had time to think about it and I have to say it was worth it."

Now I wasn't hurt I was angry. " Was it? Was some random girl with lots of issues worth your job? Your entire life? The future you've worked so hard to built? 'Cause I clearly don't see it."