Define Ezria

Chapter 43

November flew by and before I realised shops were putting up their Christmas decorations.

I had repeatedly tried burrying myself in homework, papers, photography and every other creative outlet I could unleash my frustration on, without avail of course.

The out of sight out of mind trick hadn't worked it's magic either. Taking off the cast on my leg, however was a huge improvement.

In all that time I had met up with Ezra a grand total of 3 times, apart from seeing him in class, that is, and only for short coffee dates in his apartment that left us both more frustrated and agitated than ever before.

I wouldn't let him touch me and I wasn't sure he wanted to in the first place. Guilt about the baby was eating at me at every waking moment, and nightmares about the accident didn't let me get any rest either.

Spencer said that PTSD manifested itself differently in every person and depending on the magnitude of the trauma it would take me quite some time to get over, or at least learn to live with.

But the thing is, I had a sick feeling it would never go away. Instead of healing, I was retreating further and further into my shell and shutting the only person I really wanted by my side, out.

"What is it with you girls and dead leaves?" Ezra appeared next me causing me to choke on my latte.

I was sitting at the edge of a bench overlooking Rosewood's second biggest wooded area. It was always deserted since it wasn't an inhabited  spot so I thought it'd be a discrete enough place to meet.

" It's all about the aesthetic" I looked at him and my heart skipped a beat. I hadn't seen him in two weeks.

"At least tell me this isn't a pumpkin spice latte" he raised an eyebrow and I guiltily licked my lips tasting the spice on them.

He laughed and sat down next to me making sure there's a considerable space between us, which made my stomach clench, knowing it was my fault for sending him all these mixed signs.

"You haven't been in school" he said facing the fall scenery in front of us. His tone wasn't accusing but I still felt guilty for not being in touch.

"Yes... Have been trying to catch up. Those papers won't write themselves" I laughed without humour and we fell into that awkward silence I hated.

"Aria" he turned to face me, his face suddenly closer than I had anticipated, giving me little to no room to look away.

"Where are we?" He asked and I opened my mouth to say something silly but he cut me off. " And no I dont mean the park".

I closed my mouth only to open it again but nothing came out.

Where were we?

"Well we've certainly been here before" I settled for at last.

"No we haven't. Not like this."

I followed the last yellow leaf fall from a now bare tree branch with my eyes , before looking at him.

"A few more variables have been added to our equation" I said and he stood up abruptly kicking a pebble like a pissed child throwing a tantrum.

"See this is where you're wrong Aria. You put those variables in. The past is in the past. I don't know what more you need from me to believe it"

"Nothing" I mumbled

"Then what? What?" He yelled frustrated and I made my way to him putting my hand on his chest silently begging him to calm down.

"It's her I don't trust. She is up to something I know it"

He grabbed both of my hands holding them close to him like he was trying to shake some sense in me.

"Jackie is doing non of that. Like I've told you numerous times, she felt bad for the way she ended things and has been trying to get back to my good graces again since she doesn't want me bad mouthing her to the board."

It took everything in me to keep my mouth shut and not contradict him. I loved that he always tried to see the best in everyone, but that didn't mean everyone had a best side for him to see. Especially not Jackie.

How would I ever make him see her intentions without looking like a bitter insecure little girl?

"Is that all? Is she the reason you've been avoiding me like the plague or is there more?"

I freed my hands and sat back down, releaving the pressure off my leg. "I'm fine"

"That's not what I asked"

"This exchange is rather pointless"

"Then tell me what you want to do, Aria, because everything I say or do seems to be the wrong thing and quite frankly I'm getting tired of trying."

I flinched and widened my eyes trying to dry them before I did something stupid like cry.

"I know. I'm sorry"

"Well that's the problem. If you stopped being sorry maybe we could get somewhere."

I shook my head stopping myself from saying that I'm sorry again and motioned for him to sit down.

"Can we not talk?" I begged and before he could object I cut him off. "I know not talking won't solve anything and I admit thats what I have been doing for the past month but right now we won't get anywhere"

He touched his forever to mine, closing his eyes and exhaling in defeat.

"Let's go away tomorrow" I blurted startling him.

"Go where?"

"Philadelphia, New York, anywhere I don't care. Let's just leave. Just the two of us"

"Are you serious about this? What are you going to tell your dad?"

"I'll think of something" I put my cold hand on his sleek cheek and he looked at me for a while searching my face for any signs of doubt.

"Okay" he gave in after a minute and I closed the distance between us pressing my lips to his, melting into him and his delicious smell for what seemed the first time all over again.

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I am alive????????
I updated????????
Has it honestly been a year I'm the actual worst I'm so sorry but it's been one of the hardest years of my life and I hope you cut me some slack?

You legends got this piece of trash to 70 thousand reads!!!!!!

I can't thank you enough for your support and comments. I see y'all.

I kind of know where I'm going with this and I promise next chapter will be better than this filler one ❤