I'll Be Waiting

Chapter 7 Monster

Clarke P.O.V
That voice, it was familiar. I knew that voice as well as I knew my own. That voice belonged to the man I loved. The man I still love. I turned around, and found myself facing Bellamy Blake. My jaw grew slack, and my voice seemed to disappear. My eyes scanned his face, taking in all of his familiar features. His dark brown eyes were as easy to get lost in as the last time I saw him, but now they were full of sadness. His splattered freckles were just as wonderful as they ever were. His perfectly chiseled jaw made him seem as strong and tough as he had been before. But, somehow he managed to appear even more attractive than when he had left me. I swallowed thickly, not knowing how that was possible.
Bellamy was staring at me as well, not even uttering a single world. It seemed as if neither us knew or could find anything to say. As I looked at him I remembered all the tears I had cried, all the times I had wished he had been there but he hadn't been. I felt rage bubble up inside me as I remembered that he had left me, not caring how much I loved him. I remembered all the hatred I had felt for him throughout these couple of months, because he left me without even meeting me face to face. My stare turned into a glare as I stalked over to him. I raised my hand and slapped him across the face so hard that my hand stung. Bellamy didn't move, he just stayed frozen in place as if still not registering that I was here.
As much as I wanted to hate him, as much as I wanted to yell at him for leaving me, for abandoning me, I couldn't. I couldn't because along with all the hatred, with all the rage and anger I had felt, was a love which was stronger and much more powerful than anything else. It was a love that just wouldn't quit. A love that no matter how hard I tried, wouldn't leave or weaken. My eyes locked with his.
"Why did you leave me?" I croaked, tears forming in my eyes. 'Why did you leave me?' Was the only question I needed an explanation to. It was the question that I had asked myself over and over again, because even after reading the letter countless times I wasn't able to comprehend why he left me. I couldn't understand why, if he loved me, could he think I would be better without him.
"Um," I heard Camilo say."What's that out there?" We all looked at Camilo. He was pointing at something outside the window."I just saw something, it looked interesting. Sasha let's go see what that is."
Sasha gave him a strange look."There's nothing there."
Camilo slapped a hand to his forehead and raised his eyebrows at her."Sasha," he began slowly."Let's go see what that thing was."
It took Sasha another second, but finally realization set in."Ohhhh."
Camilo nodded slowly."Yeah."
Sasha smiled."Okay let's go see that thing. Bye Clarke see you later and don't do anything I wouldn't do." She waved goodbye and walked out of door. Camilo rolled his eyes and shook his head in disappointment.
"Bye Clarkie." He then walked outside of the room. I turned to Bellamy, tears still burning in my eyes.

I swallowed and repeated my question."Why did you leave me?"
Bellamy's gaze faltered for a split second before meeting mine again. "It was for the best."
I gaped at him. How could he possibly believe that?
"For the best? Bellamy how was it for the best? I-" I swallowed, my eyes saddened, my eyebrows drawn together."I thought you loved me."

His face was soft and caring. His eyes were pained."I do love you Clarke."
I pursed my lips, shaking my head."No you don't. If you did then you wouldn't have left me! You would have stayed with me." My voice wavered, growing in volume as I continued."You wouldn't have forgotten about me!"

Hurt mixed with frustration crossed Bellamy's features."I never forgot about you Clarke! You think leaving you was easy for me!?"

I opened my mouth to retort, but he didn't let me.

"You were always on my mind Clarke! Every second I was away, I thought about you! There was not a single day that went by without you on my mind!" His voice was exasperated, and a hint of disappointment was hidden in his words.

I stared hopelessly at Bellamy. I believed him. I believed he didn't forget about me, I believe he still loved me, but that still did not change the fact that he left. He left, leaving me alone and in pieces.