Blue ➸ JiKook

[3]

Jimin

❝Problem is diet's not a big enough word. I wanna be so skinny that I rot from view.❞ ―Manic Street Preachers, 4st. 7lbs.

Bangtan arrived at their dorm, silence overtaking them. The unusual silence creeped up Jimin's spinal column, sending shivers to every extremity. He was aware of the fact that the silence was caused by his negligence. The inside of his body felt hollow as he stepped foot inside the dorm, the warm air lingering inside causing an odd contrast with the cold December air pushing itself indoors. Although it was bitterly cold, Jimin would much prefer to be having such a discussion outside. The warm air gave him a false sense of security. Warm air felt like lies told to keep someone safe and secure, cold air felt like the truth. He would much rather prefer being hit across the face outside rather than inside, for the pain was masked by the sting of the cold.

Surprisingly instead of questioning Jimin, the group dispersed into their respective rooms, leaving Jimin alone in the main room. He already felt alone, but being alone? That make his heart feel as if it was a dead flower; its withering petals falling off, never to be seen again. He began his journey down the hall while his thoughts began their feeding process upon his body. How come you couldn't just do the dance right? You fucked up continuously and now look at you! You're pouting and being a little crybaby all because they're mad at you! They've got a goddamn right to be mad at you, seeing as how you made them stay three hours later than they were supposed to! You're worth nothing, Park Jimin! You're a fat, ugly, crybaby who-

Jimin's thoughts ceased abruptly as he opened the door into the room he shared with Hoseok and Taehyung. He felt a smile creep onto his face as he saw his dongsaeng and his hyung curled up together in the older's. At least they're happy, Jimin thought. He undressed himself and pulled himself beneath the duvet of the bottom bunk he slept on, attempting to get comfortable. After an hour he officially gave up, his eyes fixated on the bottom of the bunk above him. His face broke out into a grin as his eyes rolled over the pictures he had stuffed in between the bed and the bracketing. In the faint light thrown by the lamp on the nightstand, Jimin could clearly see the photo of when his arm was around Jungkook's shoulders and Jungkook's arm was around his waist. It was a beautiful picture of them both; the lighting was just right, they both had smiles strewn across their face, and Jimin had never witnessed so much love than he did in his own eyes within that photo.

Jimin sighed as he looked over at Jungkook, noticing that he was looking straight at the camera instead of focusing his attention onto Jimin. In order to evade breaking his own heart, he flipped himself over onto his side and switched off the light, attempting to oblige to sleep's request to take over his body. But despite feeling extremely fatigued, Jimin's eyes refused to close and his body rejected the role of lulling him to sleep. He again observed the top of the bunk in above him, this time casted in an obsidian darkness so that he couldn't witness beautifully painful memories of Jungkook. Without being completely aware, his mind dragged him into sleep in order to evade experiencing excruciating pains within his chest.

Jimin was awoken by the saturated sunlight spilling in through the parted white curtains. Though the room was in a permanently disheveled state, it felt immaculate today. Too immaculate. The room was a bright white, reminiscent of the many hospitals Jimin had paid short visits to before. The lighting throughout the entire room was too bright for Jimin to be able to open his eyes and all he wanted to do was close them and fall back asleep. After a few unsuccessful attempts and wondering why he couldn't fall seemingly without effort like his counterpart Min Yoongi, Jimin pulled himself out from under his black sheets. The cold air enveloped him in its icy embraced and he shivered, the sudden change in temperature transforming into something unbearable for his body. Jimin journeyed over to the mahogany dresser and pulled out a pair of jeans and t-shirt, not bothering to take a shower because they just so happened to possess a rarely allotted day off.

As Jimin began his adventure down the hallway, he couldn't help but worry about why the dorm seemed to be so eerily silent to his eardrums. When he came into view of the dining are, his worries were relieved to see twelve pairs of eyes resting upon them. They motioned for Jimin to take a seat right beside Jungkook and his worry was abruptly replaced with a variety of emotions; anxiety, stress, guilt. The silence seemed bulletproof until Namjoon's gun of a voice sounded and shattered it to pieces almost like it was a thin layer of glass.

"Jimin," He said, pausing between his name and the next half only to meticulously select his words. "We've noticed there's something going on with you. Is there anything you'd like to tell us?" Jimin shook his head, refusing to relay any information that suggested that he was vulnerable. He didn't like feeling vulnerable, and this current situation felt like he was a gazelle and his members were a lion.

"Jimin, we know you've been skipping meals!" Jungkook blurted out. All eyes turned into him as he spoke his words, some staring in disapproval and other waiting for his next statement. "Maybe if you opened up to us, we could get you help! I hate seeing you like this. It really hurts."

"I haven't been skipping meals. I don't have an eating disorder." Jimin's voice stated, a permanent sheet of ice layered over it. It was so icy and stoic that Jimin almost didn't recognize it and from the look on the member's faces, they were just as shocked as he was. The sat in place for a moment, no one daring to move in order to avoid causing premature detonation in the time bomb that was Jimin. The silence settled until Hoseok spoke up.

"Then what was yesterday, Jimin?" His voice was gentler than it usually was and Jimin could clearly observe the uneasiness in him as his voice wavered and his eyes were revealing the fear deep within him. "You usually pick up choreography so easily and without flaws. And yesterday we had to stay late because of you. Why?"

Jimin sucked in a silent breath, attempting to conjure a believable claim. "I had a bad day yesterday. Don't we all have bad days, or is that apparently impossible for me?" He practically hissed and he could imagine venom dripping from imaginary fangs. He crossed his arms over his chest and glossed over his eyes with hardened anger knowing full well that he appeared like a child who was told no, but he didn't enough to stop his action. The six members all let out a deep sigh simultaneously, recognizing there was no way to break down Jimin's flawlessly constructed walls. They all departed to their individual rooms like last night, leaving only the maknae before him. The younger boy's eyes contained tears, the constellations Jimin saw within them dimming as he held them back.

Jimin's mouth opened to release words, but none of them flew out. His words were birds and his mind was a cage; his words desired to be free, but his mind caged them before they could ever live their dream. Jungkook observed Jimin with a look of utter disgust and deserted him, leaving Jimin with his head in his hands. As he remained in his pathetic state, only one thought had the liberty of flowing freely throughout his mind:

Fuck, I need to hide this better.