Blue ➸ JiKook

[18]

Jungkook

❝Could have been easier on you, I couldn't change though I wanted to. Should have been easier by three, our old friend fear and you and me.❞ ―Glycerine, Bush

Jungkook released a solemn sigh, averting his eyes from his hyungs to bore holes into the Manila colored carpet. The carpet's fabric contained stains of thousands of highly pigmented colors from times they've spilled food or when Namjoon was far too clumsy for his own good and shattered an item into millions of tiny fragments. It was crazy that something as minuscule in their lifes' as a carpet could could hold so much history, so many memories. It was a giant brainfuck and he'd rather not possess thoughts about such a subject, but anything was better than listening to his hyungs scream choppy words that held the meaning of what they could possibly do to mend the wound that Jungkook had created with his sharp blade of a tongue. His hyungs struggled to recapture his attention once more, but they put a cease to their lecturing as soon as they came to he realization that Jungkook just simply wasn't going to revert his thoughts onto the subject at hand.

Jungkook released a sigh and focused his eyes onto the length of his nimble fingers, thoughts flooding every expanse of his brain. These were the hands that destroyed. That crushed. His only purpose was to ruin every immaculate thing he posses in life, and Jimin happened to be one of those pretty, perfect items. Jungkook clenched his fists, sobbing wracked through his body. He did this. He did all of this. All of this has always been his fault. If he hadn't been so selfish, so stupid. Every negative feeling that Jimin had ever experienced in this period of time was his fault. Jungkook stood up, tears painting his cheeks with their glistening pigment and decided he had to do something. He couldn't just let Jimin remain in this state. He couldn't continue to harm the poor boy. He was fragile and Jungkook just dropped him to the goddamn floor and witnessed him shatter without a second thought running through his mind.

His fingers reached for the golden glinted metal of the doorknob, debating the consequences of searching for his boyfriend. His fingers appeared to make up his mind for him and threw the wooden door wide open, preparing for him to make a dead sprint to discover where the boy he loves had journeyed. His feet followed in suit of his fingers, just blindly functioning without the consent of their owner. His brain was filled to the brim with Jimin; so much so that his extremities were aware of the imminent need to find the lover.

Jungkook's feet slapped against the hard concrete, each breath beginning to become harder and harder to take into the walls of his lungs. It didn't help that the air around him had taken on a stagnant and frigid quality, but he continued on nonetheless. Nothing could be more of a priority than searching for Jimin and saving him before he did something rash. He physically couldn't begin to comprehend what life without the boy who so much resembled the sun would be like. Tears threatened to spill over as he recalled being able to disregard Jimin so quickly. This was all my fault, he thought.

Jungkook discovered him slumped on a bench, his head in his hands and violent sobs leaving his mouth. Jungkook sharply inhaled, a sharp pang being sent straight to his heart at the sight of Jimin in such a disheveled, shatter state forward of the shell he was occupying at the current moment. Jungkook stood frozen to the concrete his feet were planted upon and simply just stared at the frail boy sobbing right in front of him. He requisitioned his body to move ― to take some course of action in order to mend the situation ― but he remained in his frozen state, his gaze unwavering. Jimin seemed to notice the shift in presence and he lifted his head from the spot in his hands it had previously claimed, his eyes widening as soon as he discovered the identity of the person currently standing in front of him. Jungkook witnessed Jimin's eyes fill up to the brim with an intense variation of disquietude and Jungkook couldn't help but let tears threaten to push past his eyelashes and spill over the slopes of his cheeks. The curtailed boy stood up to begin his descent down the road in order to escape the presence in front of him, but was abruptly put to a halt when nimble fingers wrapped around his wrist.

"Wait," Jungkook whispered, his voice surprisingly calm for someone who was on the verge of falling to absolute pieces. "Let me talk to you first." Jimin just stared blankly at the boy in front of him, silently complying with the young boy's wishes.

"Look," Jungkook said, emotion weaving within the notes his voice created. "I'm sorry. I know I've said that a million times and that it never makes it better, but I'm sorry. And I mean it this time. I'm sorry, Jimin. I know I've screwed up beyond compare. In fact, I've screwed so many times during this. I fucking love you and I'm young and stupid. I've never been able to decide what I've wanted in life and you were the one thing I've always known I've desired. It scared me, Jimin. I was so scared. And when you were hurting and I was hurting, I couldn't take it. I didn't know why we were both feeling this way, but I wanted to fix it. I needed to fix it. That's why I broke it off. And now I know I've made a bad decision and I just..." Jungkook paused, releasing and sigh and running his hands through his hair.

"I think what I'm saying, Park Jimin," Jungkook continued, his voice frequently cracking as he felt multiple emotions course through his veins. "Is that I love you, and I want to gives us a second chance. It's not going to be easy, and I'm going to screw up a million times over and over, but I want to be your boy again. I want to hold you and I want to love you. I need you, Jimin." Jungkook looked up at the boy to attempt and decipher the way he was feeling through the mask he was wearing, but all that remained was a blank face. Jungkook sighed and prepared to journey back to the dorm, but was stopped when the shorter boy through his arms around his waist.

"I love you, Kookie," Jimin whispered, the sound muffled by the fabric of the jacket that hung loosely around Jungkook's shoulders.

"I love you too, Jiminie."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: tOLD YOU GUYS I'D UPDATE HOLLA. I'm sorry it took so long, but it's finally here! I'm on Thanksgiving break (meaning no school for like an entire week) so I might be able to make up for lost time and update some more and work on the other projects I have planned. Anyway, do you guys like the fluff? Or do you want more angst? I'm personally not really an angst fan, which is pretty ironic considering all this story has just been angst. And thank you so much for supporting me throughout my dumbass ruts and all! I know I'm not the easiest author to read (wHY DO I NEVER UPDATE) and it means a lot to know that people love my story so much that they'll stay with it throughout months without updates. I love you guys!