Blue ➸ JiKook

[12]

Jungkook

❝You tested your metal of doe's skin and petals while kissing the lipless, who bleed all the sweetness away.❞―Kissing the Lipless, The Shins

Jungkook hid himself behind intricate dance steps and the words Yoongi hyung produced every night for him to sing, attempting to distance his brain from the thought of Jimin laying approximately deceased in between the sheets of the crisp white hospital bed. But even considering all the attempts, Jimin's current predicament presumed the intricate dance they were performing; their steps almost mimicking each one Jungkook took as he performed the given choreography with a vacant spot next to him that felt uncomfortably peculiar. In fact, the whole atmosphere had a tinge of peculiar woven in without the presence of his hyung's body vigorously attempting the moves next to him. It was almost as if without Jimin, the life had been removed from all of them. They were slow, sluggish and definitely not up to the standards their choreographer was desiring.

Their choreographer sent them home, his head in his hands as frustration took over the foundation of his thoughts, and Jungkook couldn't help but let his body comprehend that he failed yet another person he was required to care in some shape or form about. The situation led his brain to the conclusion that he was meant to fail people. That he was meant to be a walking disaster. He wasn't meant to portend grandeur as his life slipped through his fingers. He was meant to destroy every good thing he laid his eyes upon. That thought petrified him, but he was aware his destiny was a quite frightening thing for an average person like he once was. Jungkook knew this path was a self fulfilling prophecy and he was willing to follow it until time slowed its quickened heartbeat.

When they reached the dorm some departed to visit the bedridden Jimin and others presumed their daily routines, none of them suspecting Jungkook of any suspicious behavior. Jungkook journeyed down their rather protracted hallway down to the bathroom, the scene of most of the crimes he committed along with Jimin. He shook the idea of Jimin out of his head, determining not to let it grow past a minuscule thought and deter him from his present actions. He once more opened up the mahogany cabinet in which of course resided a blade and held it in his hands, marveling it all of its horrific glimmering beauty. He wasn't exactly sure of the reason any of his hyungs possessed such an item, perhaps a member had quite a similar illness as Jungkook did, but he was sure that he was meant to adopt the tool for his own personal usage.

Jungkook stripped himself of his clothes down to his undergarments, his face being painted into a rather unattractive grimace as his eyes witnessed his body for the first time in several months. He was far too pale for his liking, not skinny enough to match with the extremely unrealistic beauty standards Korea presented them with, and he dark circles were definitely not going to begin the process of healing any time within the near future. Jungkook sighed, running his hands through his now blonde hair. He had never been so disassociated and dissatisfied with his own life, but he had never been so sure of the path that he was going to possess as his own, either. An awkward tug-o-war was being performed inside of Jungkook; the relentless tugs of yes and no, right and wrong attempting to become the victor. It was times like this moment that Jungkook wished for a solution, and he held that very solution in the palm of his hand as his mind continued its battle.

He found himself attempting to get situated on a frigid, white countertop while he trie to calm his thighs that would not cease their shaking. It was almost like his body was anticipating the pain. Like his body wanted it but at the same time was reluctant to ever have it inflicted upon itself. It was yet again another internal battle that was raging inside Jungkook's rather frail body. He let the fight continue on for a minuscule moment before he decided fuck it and started dragging the blade against the pale expanse of skin before him. The small beads of crimson that leaked out of the shallow cut inflicted by the blade contrasted perfectly with the milky white skin that lay just beneath, causing the desire Jungkook felt a few moments prior build up to a point where he was all too aware that he wouldn't be able to control himself.

Jungkook found the blade making more incisions in his skin, each one becoming deeper and deeper as it progressed. The muscles in his wrist caused its actions to cease right before another cut was made, not desiring to commit the final act just yet. He lifted himself off of the counter and began the rather strenuous exploration of the cabinet below the sink in order to locate the bandages. He located the dressing and sterilized it with the alcohol he found hidden amongst the other items below the sink, wrapping it around his thigh tightly. He pulled his jeans back over his legs just before his shirt, praying that his current predicament wasn't obvious enough for the boys to discern. He walked out to the living space, surprised to observe the five older males chatting away happily. It was almost as if Jimin had never been hospitalized and life was resuming on its normal course ― practice, practice, and more practice.

As soon as Jungkook's presence had become a known thing within the five other boys, the room fell into a cumbersome silence as all ten obsidian pigmented eyes laid upon the younger boy. His felt his mouth run dry as his hands grow clammy and he almost felt like running away from the potential threat before him, but he didn't. He remained frozen in his spot, fear etched onto every perfectly sculpted feature of his face. They all blinked at each other for a moment until Jin cleared his throat, bringing all attention onto the eldest hyung.

"Jungkook," Seokjin started, pausing to gather the correct words to say. "I think we need to talk. Follow me." Seokjin stood up from the couch, walking towards the kitchen. Jungkook commanded his feet to follow in suit, attempting to disregard the eyes following him as he walked diagonally across the living area from the mouth of the hallway. When he approached the opening of the kitchen, Jungkook was filled to the brim with dread as he anticipated the events to come. It was a scary thing to be requested to have a conversation with anyone older than you and Seokjin was definitely not an exception, especially in a situation such as this one.

"Why didn't you tell us you and Jimin were a thing?" Seokjin stated rather bluntly for someone with his shy personality. "And why didn't you especially tell us Jimin is fucking bulimic again?"

"I," Jungkook started, attempting to push the words off of his tongue but ultimately failing. "I-I don't know."

"No, Jungkook," Seokjin said, the bridge of his nose pinched between his fingers in an act of frustration. "You do know. So fucking tell me or so help me God I will make sure you never sing again." Jungkook gulped, the thought of losing his career more precious than the idea of losing himself.

"I-I didn't t-tell you guys b-because it wasn't the right t-time," Jungkook stuttered, fear shining through every crack in the words he spoke. "A-and I-I had no idea t-that he was n-not t-taking care of himself a-again-"

"Because you're too self involved to notice anything wrong with anyone else?" Seokjin snapped, interrupting Jungkook's defensive statement. Jungkook's eyes filled to the brim with tears, the sight of the kitchen and Seokjin blurring before him. If that's what his own members suspected of him, who knew what other people thought. A dull ache started to form within the confines of his chest; an ache so terrible he desired to scream, to cry, but that's not the action he committed.

"If that's w-what y-you think, t-then there's no w-way I can c-change y-your mind," He said, his voice cracking presumably before of the tears glossing over his eyes. And with that statement Jungkook dashed through the living room and out the front door, feeling a vague form frigidness take over his body.

He was meant to destroy everything he's ever known.

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A/N: This chapter really sucks but I wanted to update for you guys because I love you omg. And oh my god, I've hit 3k (almost 4k) views. How in the world??? I know to some people that may not seem like a lot, but it's momentous to me. Thank you so much to everyone who has stuck by this story and loved it or tried this story and found it wasn't their thing. I'm thankful for you to even consider this story.