Blue ➸ JiKook

[21]

Jimin

❝I don't care if it hurts; I want to have control. I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul.❞ ―Creep, Radiohead

Jimin focused his eyes upon his reflection resting within the mirror, his eyes scrutinizing every aspect of every feature carved into his body. Tears made their journey down the curves of his cheeks, yet another feature of his face he couldn't bare to observe with his own two eyes. He outstretched his hand, brushing the cool glass with the tips of his fingers. A sob caught within the walls of his esophagus as he stared at the body he no longer desired to be apart of. He was forever going to remain an entity constructed of nothing but the flaws he conceived as his own with his mind to guide him. His fingertips brushed against the skin concealing his throat, the intense urge to purge himself of the food he had consumed only minutes earlier overwhelming him.

It made him sick.

Even the isolated thought of food making its journey down his esophagus and into the walls of his stomach brought the urge to vomit its contents upon him. All that food would be converted into fat which, in turn, would cause him to have to begin more rigorous regimens in order to preserve the skinny state of his desired body type. And no matter how much he intended to eradicate the pernicious thoughts that plague his mind by surrounding himself with people who adored and cherished him, the thoughts still remained within the bone structure containing his brain. You can't love away a mental disorder, no matter how hard you attempt to.

Jimin shook his head, not believing he was suffering from a mental illness. He wasn't skinny enough to suffer from a mental illness. He appeared nothing like the girls in the anorexia tag on Tumblr, with their pale skin and thigh gaps and petite little waists. The body he was contained in was so far from being the epitome of skinny, so how could he possibly be suffering from such an issue as that? Jimin removed his hand from the relative area surrounding his throat, afraid that he might slit his jugular if he didn't impose self-control upon his limbs. Tears still persisted on falling down the slopes of his cheeks, which were followed by large sobs emitted from his larynx. Jimin fell to the floor, depression over whelming any and all of the senses his human body accumulated. How did he ever allow himself to become so pathetic?

His sobbing ceased almost as soon as it had began and Jimin pushed himself off of the grimy manila pigmented bathroom floor and rose on his trembling legs. He was being pathetic. He shouldn't allow himself to cry, he specifically asked for this situation. He desired to be skinny and this was the consequence of said desire. He should learn to live with the consequences, or not live at all.

Jimin's eyes danced across the signature the acid from his stomach had created upon the skin of his fingers, psyching himself up for the action he was about to complete. But despite the mental preparations he was conducting upon himself, he couldn't bring his hand to slide down the flesh of his throat. A plethora of tears ran down the expanse of his cheeks, choked sobs exuding from his mouth once more. He couldn't stand the burn of vomit as he promoted it from the depths of his stomach, yet he kept completing the action with absolutely no hesitation each time the moment borough itself upon him. He couldn't stand the taste of the contents of his stomach, yet he kept bringing it back up into his mouth so that he could expel it and not contain the fatty nutrients plaguing him. It was too much. Far too much.

Jimin's hand reached for the golden knob attached to the blank wooden door and threw it agape, perhaps with a bit too much force. He stepped away from his position within the four enclosed walls that formed the room where most of his issues occurred and began down the hallway to his room, attempting to avoid any of the ,member that might have been lurking within the building somewhere. But to no avail, Jimin bumped into the singular person who he never wanted to witness him in this state.

Jungkook.

"Jimin?" Jungkook questioned, worry expanding within each and every syllable of the boy's name. "Are you okay?" Jimin's eyes reverted to the wooden floor, not desiring to answer the prompted question whatsoever. He was definitely not okay, but how could he explain that to his lover?

"Jimin," Jungkook prompted again, this time possessing a harsher tone. "I'm serious. Are you okay?" And that's when Jimin burst into tears. As Jimin fell to his knees in the midst of his hysterics, rough palms discovered their way around the older boy's arms and heaved him into the tightest hug he had ever experienced within his life span. Jimin allowed the tears he had been attempting to suppress only minutes earlier flow, whimpers escaping through his lips he attempted so hard to clamp closed.

"I'm sick, Kookie," Jimin sobbed, the copious amount of tears abandoning his eyes not adding up to the right amount required to drown his sorrows. "I'm so sick. I need help. I need help." Jimin witnessed as Jungkook's eyes widened, presumably with emotions such as shock or fear, and he pulled himself away from his boyfriend's embrace. Jungkook's eyes remained wide and fixed on his boyfriend while the invisible gears turning within his head attempted to comprehend the situation that was currently being acted out. At least, that's was Jimin presumed was occurring.

"We're gonna get help, baby. I promise you." Jungkook said, pulling Jimin back within the comfort of his arms. Jimin felt Jungkook's nose bury itself within the mussed strand of his hair and he released a content sigh, reveling in the feeling of being cherished. Tears treated to discover their direction away from his tears ducts, but he held them back so that the moment would not be spoiled by his hysterics. He smiled into the younger boy's chest, glad to finally feel at home. Jungkook's arms felt like home.

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A/N: I'm so, so sorry! I know it's probably not an excuse at this point, but school has kept me RIDICULOUSLY busy. It feels like a lot of you have lost interest in this story because I never update, and for that I am sorry. I apologize for not updating sufficiently and I know you guys have been waiting patiently and I'm SO SORRY for letting you guys down. Anyway, now to some happier news!!! We hit 40k!!! Honestly, I'm still so amazed by how many people ACTUALLY enjoy this story and continue to read it (even when I basically go on mini-hiatuses.) And just so you know, I attempt to reply to every comment so if I didn't reply the notification probably got buried under all the other ones :( Anyway, thank you guys so much for reading!!!! I love you all~