Blue ➸ JiKook

[16]

Jungkook

❝Hold out your hand; color me like that red sunset so I won't lose myself.❞―Colors, DAY6

The bleakness of the outside world he was currently occupying himself with journeying through amazed him. He never comprehended the sheer minimalistic beauty of something deemed so frightful such as the clouds building up within the sky. The contrasting shades of grey and white seemed to distract him from the thoughts that we're going to consume him until there was nothing remaining except the shell of who he once was. In the few moments that had created the spontaneous disaster that Jungkook had crafted with his own hands, he came to realize the monsters didn't reside in the closet or under our beds. The monsters resided inside of us. The monsters are in your head; in your body. And these beings, these thoughts, they will never stop until they've successfully torn every limb from you body and tarnished every immaculate thing you've ever loved.

He let out a sigh, reaching to rid of the tears that began to wet the surface of his skin. He wished he could crawl inside the hole that was ripped into his heart by his own hands and hide within it. He wished he could apologize for the pain he inflicted upon Jimin, even though it was the proper decision to make for the both of them. They were constantly causing hurt when in each other's presence and they both were aware somewhere, deep down, that no matter how many holes in the walls they had built up that they mended, it would make no difference for new ones would be created in the otherwise immaculate plaster. But one question remained on Jungkook's mind; if he was so positively sure that this was the correct choice, why did it burn so much? After all, they had been nothing except ups and downs with the bad outweighing the good. So why is he experiencing so much pain?

Despite the colors beneath the gray clouds that were looming in the sky, Jungkook felt as if they had painted over everything with a dull, desolate grey. No matter how hard he attempted to decipher the life in the world, it still remained in its cold and grey industrialized state. He could only observe the items no one else bothered to see; the hidden tragedy within everything that was considered beautiful. When Jimin was by his side, despite the tragic falling outs, he felt as if the other was holding the paintbrush to color inside all the jagged lines that perfectly created the well constructed mess that was himself. He fucked up once again, and there was no going back this time.

He was forever going to commit mistakes that couldn't be mended with just a simple bandage bound tightly around the wounded area. He was always going to inflict wounds that would leave a scar like the ones that haphazardly littered his wrists; a reminder of the past that was going to haunt his subconscious for the remainder of the time he remained alive.

Jungkook's feet continued their journey down the sidewalk, not quite sure where exactly they were journeying to but not quite caring simultaneously. The clouds overhead began releasing the rain they had been containing, almost as if they were crying for the situation Jungkook had put himself in. He deserved it, he knew that much, and that he shouldn't obsess over a moment that he, himself created with his disaster of a mouth, but he couldn't shake the thoughts that were still creeping in. His mind was transforming into a monster again, but he couldn't run. He couldn't ask for the light switch to be flipped upward and allow light to flow in. This time, he was on his own.

As his thoughts continued to plague him, he decided he couldn't take it anymore. He had to leave. He couldn't remain in this world being fully aware he was going to live the rest of his life as if he was serving a prison sentence. He couldn't live knowing that everyday he allowed a breath into his lungs Jimin would be observing, his heart filled with pain. He just couldn't.

He needed to die.

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A/N: Hey guys! I'm sorry that this is so short, but I needed to update and it took several hours to write this. I hope that you enjoy it and it didn't suck completely lmao. Anyway, I'm going to shamelessly self promote and say for all you V.I.Ps out there I'm starting a Seungri fic called 100 Ways To Say I Love You and it's going to be super cute and fluffy sO GET READY. I hope you're having a lovely day. gOODBYE MY CHILDREN~