Blue ➸ JiKook

[10]

Jungkook

❝Somebody get me out of here, I'm tearing at myself. Nobody gives a damn about me or anybody else.❞ ―Medication, Garbage

Their relationship was finished. Jungkook created that statement so that it would become clear and explicit to Jimin as the love of his life abandoned him, finally fed up with the perpetual cycle of self destruction. The utter agony Jungkook felt while letting such words escape his lips could be contrasted to none, for he felt as if he was relinquishing one of his own extremities. But somewhere within the confounds of youthful Jungkook's mind, he was aware he couldn't go on living as if the recent course of action Jimin had taken had gone extinct. It was just simply inconceivable to be able to carry out a relationship like they once possessed when they were both aware Jimin had practically obliterated the most significant promise Jungkook had ever asked someone to make. It burned in his chest ― a feeling of regret and remorse. It pained him to know he has to distance himself from the person he desired, but he was also aware it was for the better. He couldn't carry out a relationship like that, could he?

Contemplating his recent course of action and whether it was the right decision to commit or not, Jungkook once again coincidentally stumbled across the magnolia tree. He felt a piercing pain lacerated his chest as he gazed at the coral pigmented flowers that were strewn across the grass in disarray, contrasting perfectly with the bright malachite grass; the memories this specific area preserved were far too painful for Jungkook's young body to bare. Everything gave off an aura of being too perfect, too good to be authentic and he was far too aware that this section of the larger plot of land was the most indefectible metaphor he could have conjured an image of that represented the exact details of the relationship he had with Jimin. He let out a sigh, resting himself against the coarse bark and acquiescing his brain's decision to allow the memories to flood his vision.

His head found its way into his palms, attempting to mask the fact that he was in absolute hysterics. The tears cascaded down the expanse of his cheeks, his strangled cried inundating the melodic cacophony of nature. It was tragically beautiful to observe someone so youthful appear so lost ― so shattered. It was that nightmare you never desire to awake from for you just wanted to see the subject of the dream's face one last time before they faded into nothingness, a basic memory that resided at the back of your skull. But despite the desolate pulchritude of observing a person so bereft of what they desired most in their life, people endure the path they had began their journey on, not even sparing Jungkook a glance. Again, Jungkook was aware of the subliminal message stitched between their actions. They were moving on, and he supposed that's exactly the course of action he had to proceed.

Jungkook sat underneath the tree for a number of hours, allocating the flowers to smother him with a blanket of their coral colored flowers. Only when the sun started to began to paint the sky with oranges and reds did Jungkook consider abandoning his spot for the much more commodious bed he had awaiting him at the dormitory. His hands resided within his jacket pockets, shielding them from the bitter air that surged in after the warm air as if it was the one who got away. Allocating that thought to fabricate and permeate within his skull made him desire something more. He desired feeling that wasn't characterized by a dull ache occupying his chest. He desired to feel something real, and to punish himself for the shatter in the glass he created with his artfully destructive words. It was his fault he had to leave Jimin, alone and crippled. It was his fault Jimin reverted back to his destructive ways.

His feet slapped against the concrete that was littered with the cigarettes of all the kids cast out of the walls that society had built up, suddenly coming to the realization of what could relieve the ache that settled abaft the cage his ribs established. He presumed he appeared quite a bit strange; a kid running through the dim lit suburbs as if he'd just seen God. But despite it all Jungkook kept on pursuing the dorm, the burn of the frigid air filling his fragile organ burdened with the task of breathing not completely registering in his brain with each boisterous breath he inhaled. The only item in the world that could keep his feet remaining slapping against the concrete at such a rapid rate was the abrupt epiphany he experienced.

He finally approached the dorm building, his lungs screaming out in agony as he slowed his steps. His feet seemed to move on their own, hauling his body weight up the stairs leading to the main entrance that led into the living space. His handed turned the door knob, fully aware it was still unlocked from the time earlier in the afternoon he abandoned the security it provided to him, and entered the building, stepping over the haphazardly located shoes at the mouth of the entrance. He proceeded down the hallway, assuring himself that this was the correct action to take. He silently crept into the bathroom, shutting the door and flicking on the light in order to illuminate the once dusky room. His fingers reached for the mahogany pigmented medicine cabinet, assuring himself it was to be residing in there, just waiting for his nimble extremities to grasp it.

He pulled the item off of its perfect location on the shelf it was positioned in long ago, its surface glinting in the bright light that illuminated the room. His fingers then proceeded to pull up the black sleeve of his hoodie, revealing the milky white skin that was concealed underneath the heavy fabric. In his mind he prepped himself, letting his thoughts coerce himself into finally completing the action he had his mind set on doing as soon as he set off running. The glint tempted him beyond any recognition and he finally dragged it across his wrist several times, the Crimson color arising after a few moment of lingering just below the surface. He finally discovered his purpose.

His purpose was to destroy.