Blue ➸ JiKook

[14]

Jungkook

❝I hurt myself today to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real. The needle tears a hole; the old familiar sting. Try to kill it all away, but I remember everything.❞ ―Hurt, Nine Inch Nails

The way their souls intertwined had to be the most gorgeous event ever conceived by the hands of human beings who did not contain the ability to cause anything other than the destruction of themselves and the environment surrounding them. Their hands created and intricate painting of red and blue; the all rather different shades complimenting each other in the strangest, yet most alluring manner. But even with the most brilliant pieces of art there most certainly had to be critics critiquing any flaw they could locate. And sometimes, this critiquing even occurred from the artist or in this case, artists. Jimin still remained a flower frozen within the confines of frigid ice; frail and fragile and certainly not prepared to be exposed to the outside world that surrounded its own little safe haven. Jungkook desired to break down the walls Jimin had surrounded himself with in order for protection, but it just led back to the simple fact of Jimin not being prepared. It was push and pull; tug and war. Jungkook was far too harsh and persistent with the boy and Jimin was far too fragile and frightened of what could lay beyond the world he had built himself.

Jungkook was situated between the sheets of Jimin's bed, analyzing every aspect of their relationship. It had been a perfectly constructed disaster straight from the very beginning stages of their feelings developing for each other and it only progressed into events that transformed into something devastating for the two. Jungkook's mind wandered, allowing him to even question if the couple were destined to be together. Sure, they loved each other, but all the issues along the road they had been traveling together had to be significant somehow. If it was a sign, a warning - Jungkook wasn't aware. It was difficult just attempting to conjure up thoughts about the vast possibilities of why things had happened the way they did and Jungkook couldn't even begin to imagine thinking about the chance of the relationship meeting its demise. He couldn't leave Jimin; especially not now when he had scars contrasting against the blue veins of his wrists and ribs protruding through his pale skin. He couldn't abandon Jimin when he was finally coming to a resolution to all the issues that he had experienced these past couple of months.

He couldn't leave Jimin simply because he was in love with Jimin, and not a single universal power in the world could stop him from falling deeply and madly in love with Park Jimin.

Jungkook's eyes glanced over at the sleeping figure beside him. Jimin's chestnut hair had fallen listless into his angelic sleeping face. Jungkook lightly brushed it away, careful not to awake his sleeping beauty. Soft snores fell out of the older boy's slightly ajar mouth, but Jungkook never though he could appear more beautiful. In this state Jimin was at peace; there were no eating disorders to attend to, none of Jungkook's issues. There was just infinite, obsolete blackness throughout the course of a nights sleep and although it should be quite a frightening thing to not be aware of what was waiting for you outside of your own world, it was actually quite comforting. It was comforting to be aware you were acting like you had died, but death hadn't made the order to take you yet. It shut everything out, much like death, but without it being perpetual like the five letter word.

Jungkook lifted the white sheets away from his body, slowly but surely making his way towards the bathroom down the hall. It seemed a lot of events had occurred in that singular cramped space and another was going to occur yet again. He sighed, wishing he didn't possess the urge to commit such actions as this. It was just a part of him. An awful, revolting piece of him he wished he didn't have to display in any form whatsoever. He was aware of how much an action like this would affect his love, but he couldn't help himself when the cool metal met his palm. It committed sins against his wrists, each one representing an intricate dance with death. Crimson had never become such a satisfying color to observe in his lifetime, but it seemed so gorgeous dripping across his wrists haphazardly that he almost couldn't help it.

But Jungkook halted his actions, placing the metal back on its designated spot as he pulled his sleeves over his recently cleansed wounds. It would be of great difficulty to explain to his hyungs why he felt the need to constantly wear long sleeves, but it would be well worth the struggle.

After all, it was worth it to quench his desire.

Jungkook journeyed back down the hall and entered the shared room, careful not to wake anyone who was currently resting. He crawled back between the sheets, besides the warm body heat and allowed himself to be lured into the darkness.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a/n: this is short and sucks and I didn't edit it but I wanted to update for you guys so here you go bbys